Caught in the web of a workplace romance.

alycia1 · Nov 3, 2009

Save yourself a LOT of pain and stay AWAY, you'll be thankful that you did down the road, sister. The grass always looks greener, use wisdom!

Midwest4me · Nov 3, 2009

The grass may look greener but hidden within it may be some "animal leavin's"!! "Don't get your honey where you get your money".

Katie5 · Nov 3, 2009

You mentioned being drawn to him... but you never said if he was drawn to you as well.

webmansx, ASN, RN · Nov 3, 2009

First of all take a deep breath.

I will not jump in and judge you because i have been in a similar situation myself. It not easy to ignore what you feel towards someone else, even if you are married.

ist make sure you really like this guy, second, make sure he feels the SAME way towards you, then date him. But before that you need to find out if you feel like this because your husband and you aren't getting along and its just a case of being lonley. Once you have all the answers to these questions, you will know exactley what to do..

IzzyKat23 · Nov 3, 2009

You are married not blind so certainly enjoy the view! But married and work seem like a lot of trouble especially if you are already dealing with unhappiness. There are many factors at play here and if you step back and take care and nurture yourself first you may see that the forbidden fruit is not that sweet after all. All people appear as one thing from afar (in front of others) but they are much different when the courtship is over. Many princes/princesses turn into frogs once they have been kissed so it may just be better look and day dream than to actually take them home and to end up with buyers remorse. I do hope you take time to hug yourself though, that is what is important before you can move on to where you need to be:icon_hug:

nyteshade, BSN · Nov 3, 2009

The grass may look greener but hidden within it may be some "animal leavin's"!! "Don't get your honey where you get your money".

I love it!

mamamerlee, LPN · Nov 3, 2009

I agree with so many of the posters. Don't do anything unless you end your marriage first.

josh1974, LPN · Nov 3, 2009

This sounds like EVERY female nurse or aide that I work with!

Southern Fried RN · Nov 3, 2009

I think many other posters have pointed out the grass isn't always greener, so I will agree with that and not delve into that further.

However, I would like to say that *some* single older men are single for a reason. Be careful this guy isn't a player or maybe has 3 bitter ex-wives. I was a naive 22 yr old new nurse in a relationship with a male MD in his mid 40s (we didn't work together). I found out after a few months why someone some "charming" and "perfect" was single--he enjoyed his salary, his title and the women he could bed with those things. I wasn't going to change him, it was rough but for the best.

I think it's a good idea to make some decisions about your marriage before pursuing this man at work. Plus if things don't work out think how awkward that could be. Good luck in making the right decision.

TreehuggerRN · Nov 3, 2009

Our fantasies while married and reality rarely are mirror images of each other.
Know what jumped out at me about your post? No mention of him being interested. Maybe you just didn't want to advertise such details or something, but still...........I don't get from your post that he is interested. And I'd think less of him if he were.........U R married.

I guess you can think highly of him now.

Here is what happened at work this afternoon. I was in the conference room charting, and he brought his charts in and asked if he could sit down ( Oh wow, man, sure! Please do!) So, I'm sitting there with this stupid grin on my face, and then one of my coworkers comes in. We are all chatting and he just says, "You know how you can tell when a relationship is going in the right direction? Your friend buys a 4 cup coffee pot." Then he goes on to talk about meeting this woman he dated 40 yrs. ago and he felt really good about it...and he was talking about the church where they may eventually get married...yep, it sure let the wind out of my sails. I'm such a fool. I guess my little fantasy didn't consider whether or not he would even give me the time of day. I truly think he is a nice man. When he talks of his ex-wife he says nothing but good things about her. And he is so funny, I love his sense of humor.

I'm so ashamed. Who would want me, anyway? Oh well, back to daydreaming and wishing.

missy--kay · Nov 3, 2009

Who would want you anyway? Are you kidding? Give yourself some credit, and LOVE yourself. You're right... if you are not your #1 fan... nobody else can be.

DO NOT sell yourself short, girl! It's fun and flattering to have these daydreams, but leave then as that.

eriksoln, BSN, RN · Nov 4, 2009

I guess you can think highly of him now.
Here is what happened at work this afternoon. I was in the conference room charting, and he brought his charts in and asked if he could sit down ( Oh wow, man, sure! Please do!) So, I'm sitting there with this stupid grin on my face, and then one of my coworkers comes in. We are all chatting and he just says, "You know how you can tell when a relationship is going in the right direction? Your friend buys a 4 cup coffee pot." Then he goes on to talk about meeting this woman he dated 40 yrs. ago and he felt really good about it...and he was talking about the church where they may eventually get married...yep, it sure let the wind out of my sails. I'm such a fool. I guess my little fantasy didn't consider whether or not he would even give me the time of day. I truly think he is a nice man. When he talks of his ex-wife he says nothing but good things about her. And he is so funny, I love his sense of humor.
I'm so ashamed. Who would want me, anyway? Oh well, back to daydreaming and wishing.

Actually, I was going to add another post with a 2nd thought. When I read this, at first I said "Well, it no longer applies." Actually, it does, more so.

A point I left out of my first post was...............get the divorce already. Seriously, it sounds harsh since I don't know you that well, but I do know you are considering playing the field again.

This was not just a post talking about how much you like someone. It was more than that. It was the post of someone who, IMO, was........in the middle of coming to grips with her feelings about perhaps having an affair.

If the marriage is that far gone, then get the divorce before playing the field. I say that because (and this is the point of all of this): If you play before the divorce............you will have the floor mopped with you in court during the divorce. The Tina Turner.........I was driven to cheat defense doesn't work anymore. Thats what I've been told by other recently divorced couples anyway.

Now, you may counter with something to the effect of "But, money won't matter if I have found true love and I am finally out of a terrible marriage." Don't kid yourself with made for movie theories like that. It sounds good on the screen, but in the movies the credits roll and everyone live happily ever after. I know of people who did not go about things right, got beaten to death in the court system and now..........can't have any type of life together. The custody interferes too much, they lost a lot of money in the proceedings...........everything. So, they find themselves in an endless cycle of having current relations effected in a toxic manner by the divorce.

Just my two cents. If you are to the point where you are assured you want to play the field, do the divorce first so there is no adultery for him to use against you in court. Then, when you do find that someone you want to be with...........the residual effects of the marriage will be minimal.