Career over family?

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I really need an advice and I was wondering if you can help me with this tricky situation here. My family was planning to move to another state because my husband couldn’t find the job here. We were all set to move in 2 months when I got an email for interview from my dream hospital for the dream job I have been pining for all these years. When I told my husband about this, he started to be passive aggressive. I told him it’s just interview and I am not even sure that I will get the job but then he started to emotionally blackmail me that I am choosing career over family, he is going to divorce me, he is going to tell our family and etc. I have interview tomorrow and because of all these emotional stress, I haven’t been able to fully prepare for the interview. Do you think I am really wrong to choose career over family? It’s just that this job is really perfect for me and later on life, I don’t want to have regret that I had a chance and I missed it and be this bitter person.

Been there,done that, ASN, RN

Has 33 years experience. 6,823 Posts

If he  is  threatening.. you over  anything.. he is not your life's Partner.

Davey Do

Specializes in Psych (25 years), Medical (15 years). Has 43 years experience. 1 Article; 9,893 Posts

Low self-esteemed individuals will use devices such as emotional blackmail in order to gain power and control the situation.

Those with low self-esteem are on a constant quest for validation, so if the third level of Maslow's Need Hierarchy- love & security- is threatened, often times the person will strike out. Like an animal backed into a corner.

In no way am I putting your husband down, for I too have resulted to such tactics in times of trauma and emotional weakness.

Insight to our weaknesses helps, but it doesn't cure us. Insight to our weaknesses gives us a point of reference from which to work and grow. Pointing our shortcomings out to us is not helpful, but what is helpful is understanding, support, and reality checks.

With all due respect, sharmilagrg, insight to your motives for questioning priorities could be a big step in gaining some personal insight. We often allow arenas to be created in order to work out unresolved issues.

It's a rough row to hoe, gaining insight.

The best to you.

LovingLife123

LovingLife123

1,542 Posts

Sooo, does your husband have a job in the state you are going to move to, or does he just think there are better “opportunities” there?

RNperdiem

RNperdiem, RN

Has 14 years experience. 4,518 Posts

Can't find a job in your state? Does he work in a very niche field? There is a worker shortage in almost all fields, so that excuse sounds suspect.

If you find a well- paying nursing job where you are, you will make enough to support the family and prevent the expenses of moving. I call that choosing family and career at the same time. 

By the sounds of your letter, it seems like your husband has one foot out of the marriage already if he is threating to divorce you for what? Getting a job? Gaining independence?  Tell him to go ahead with the move if he wants. You can carry on with your life with your nursing job right were you are. 

Davey Do

Specializes in Psych (25 years), Medical (15 years). Has 43 years experience. 1 Article; 9,893 Posts

It is a common occurrence for people to ask questions not to gain information, but to challenge or point out a weakness in a premise.

A behavioral situation is identified, and most will focus on the fallacies in logic when logic goes out the window when emotions are involved.

In this behavioral situation all necessary facts have been given: A nurse/wife is attempting to make a decision to chose either family or career. A conundrum to one is a no brainer to another.

16 hours ago, Davey Do said:

insight to your motives for questioning priorities could be a big step in gaining some personal insight. We often allow arenas to be created in order to work out unresolved issues.

 

Thank you so much everyone for your input. Really appreciate but sadly I cancelled my interview. I couldn’t fight anymore. God bless you all. 

LovingLife123

LovingLife123

1,542 Posts

18 hours ago, Sharmilagrg00 said:

Thank you so much everyone for your input. Really appreciate but sadly I cancelled my interview. I couldn’t fight anymore. God bless you all. 

This is disheartening to hear.  If I may give you some words of wisdom, don’t ever depend on a man for anything.  Not just financially but emotionally as well.

You never answered if he actually had a job in a new state.  You, in my opinion, we’re actually choosing your family by supporting them financially since he didn’t have a job.  

You will end up resenting him.  Is that how you want to live in a new state?  

military spouse

military spouse

Has 20 years experience. 577 Posts

It sounds like you made your decision, and I wish you the best!  I would never choose my career over my husband, but I'm very fortunate to have a wonderful husband!  It's rare that one finds true satisfaction from most employers, and I hear stories all the time of hospitals cancelling travel contracts, sending employees home for low census, mandatory overtime, etc.  It's hard to say if your dream employer would be a dream after spending some time there.  You likely have great skills, and will find employment almost anywhere.  Good Luck!

 

NurseBlaq

1,755 Posts

I wouldn't have canceled my interview, I would have canceled my husband. He wants you to relocate for his purposes but bashes you for having an interview for your dream job at your dream facility? He's not husband material. He should have supported you and told you to "good luck" and to be your best. Instead, he centered your happy moment on himself and his doom and gloom drama.

Nevertheless, good luck to you and I hope you get another chance at your dream job.

Wuzzie

4,812 Posts

I sure as heck hope he has an awesome job waiting for him wherever he wants you to move. Otherwise, you're in the same situation just with different scenery.

Davey Do

Specializes in Psych (25 years), Medical (15 years). Has 43 years experience. 1 Article; 9,893 Posts

On 6/20/2022 at 5:42 PM, Sharmilagrg00 said:

Thank you so much everyone for your input. Really appreciate but sadly I cancelled my interview. I couldn’t fight anymore. God bless you all. 

I doff my proverbial hat to you, Sharmilagrg, for giving us a status report and for making a decision for which you are comfortable.

Too often on these forums, we discuss a problem situation and never hear the outcome.

We have to live our lives as we see fit and need not be swayed by naysayers and hatchet men who believe they know what's best.