Jump to content

Can I stay home and watch my boyfriend.

Posted
by sgray2008 sgray2008 (New) New

Can I stay at home to watch my boyfriend with out a nurse degree? He has medical issues. He has a patch in the back of his head from a stroke he had a year ago. The doctor told him to sit down and do nothing. Is it possible to watch him with out having a degree (just making sure he don't get up and do things he's not suppose to do)? If so who would I contact? I currently live with him (and no I'm not trying to get out of going out and not finding work) I just really love him and don't want something bad to happen to him.

SierraMoon, ADN, BSN, RN

Specializes in ICU/UM. Has 8 years experience.

You mean get paid? Not very likely. Small possibility if he's homebound and eligible for medicaid or the VA.

Miss.LeoRN

Specializes in Cardiac Stepdown, PCU.

No one is going to hire you to sit at home and babysit your BF. Especially when you have no training whatsoever. Even if you had homehealth training, and worked for a company that you contacted and hired to provide someone to care for him, it still would not be you who they sent to do so, because no one is going to pay you to sit at home. If you love him and want nothing to happen to him, hire someone with medical training to care for him. You might be able to tell him not to do something (which may put strain on your relationship with you constantly "mothering" him), but you can't identify signs or symptoms of developing complications, monitor vitals, and anything else he needs, which I am sure is more than just sit there do nothing.

Meriwhen, ASN, BSN, MSN, RN

Specializes in Psych ICU, addictions.

Legally, you could do it. There's no law saying you can't stay at home and monitor a sick loved one.

Will someone pay you to do it? No. No agency is going to pay a person unskilled in healthcare to do this. And even if you were skilled, it would be considered a conflict of interest as this is someone with who you already have a preexisting relationship with.

Is it the best thing to do for your boyfriend? The previous poster hit it right on the head. We're not talking about sitting with someone someone with the flu; this is a patient with a history of CVA (stroke). How are you going to recognize complications...and I mean the subtle warning signs of big problems, not just the obvious. Is that altered level of consciousness a possible bleed, or is it over sedation from a medication? He's suddenly drinking tons of water: is he dehydrated, is it an electrolyte imbalance, is it a developing medical condition? Take a guess and keep in mind that if you guess wrong, it could result in big problems.

And legally, should a big problem happen, you could be on the wrong end of a lawsuit. Don't think that being his GF means he won't hold you liable if anything goes wrong. Or his estate may pursue it should the worst happens and he dies.

IMO, this is a bad idea.

Hi Sgray, the first thing I'd like to know is, can your boyfriend move any limbs? Can he walk? Did you know him before his stroke? You said the stroke was a year ago. There are many people that can still walk and move about and do things for themselves after having a stroke. I'm wondering why the doctor told him to sit and do nothing. That just doesn't make sense. At the very least, he should have physical therapy to allow him to develop strength in the unaffected limbs. If he sits and does nothing all day, he will only get progressively weaker and make recovery from the stroke that much harder. Also, if he is disabled from the stroke, he should qualify for disability from his employer, if he was working at the time. Medicaid may also be an option or SSI. Through medicaid, he may qualify for a home attendant and/or a home health aid to assist him with his daily needs such as feeding, bathing, etc. That being said, you do not have to stay home and not work because there are options available to him for assistance while you are out of the home. But most importantly, I would look into his ability for rehabilitation. He may qualify to be admitted to a rehabilitation facility that will retrain and reteach his muscles for optimal movement so that he may regain some of his independence. How disabled is he? Can he move at all? Can he feed himself? Dress himself? Speak clearly and think clearly? There are still many unanswered questions here to be able to give you good guidance, but there are programs out there that can help. And lastly, yes, many family members do stay home to care for their loved ones, but my main concern is getting him rehabbed as much as he can first.

Meriwhen, ASN, BSN, MSN, RN

Specializes in Psych ICU, addictions.

Also, as far as I can tell based on your info, your BF is currently an adult and considered competent to make his own healthcare decisions. That is, he has the right to do what he wants even if it results to harm to himself. So yes, he can decide not to follow the doctor's instructions. And neither you nor his doctor not anyone else in the world can legally force him, short of restraining him to the bed (and that's a whole other legal/ethical ball of wax).

All you can do is express your concerns to him and his family and hope he listens. I know that's a bitter pill to swallow, but that's the reality.

Best of luck.

meanmaryjean, DNP, RN

Specializes in NICU, ICU, PICU, Academia. Has 44 years experience.

The doctor told him to sit down and do nothing.

I am having a VERY hard time believing this.

KelRN215, BSN, RN

Specializes in Pedi. Has 10 years experience.

The doctor told him to sit down and do nothing.

I am having a VERY hard time believing this.

Me too. This makes no sense with no background other than "he had a stroke a year ago."

Hi Sgray, the first thing I'd like to know is, can your boyfriend move any limbs? Can he walk? Did you know him before his stroke? You said the stroke was a year ago. There are many people that can still walk and move about and do things for themselves after having a stroke. I'm wondering why the doctor told him to sit and do nothing. That just doesn't make sense. At the very least, he should have physical therapy to allow him to develop strength in the unaffected limbs. If he sits and does nothing all day, he will only get progressively weaker and make recovery from the stroke that much harder. Also, if he is disabled from the stroke, he should qualify for disability from his employer, if he was working at the time. Medicaid may also be an option or SSI. Through medicaid, he may qualify for a home attendant and/or a home health aid to assist him with his daily needs such as feeding, bathing, etc. That being said, you do not have to stay home and not work because there are options available to him for assistance while you are out of the home. But most importantly, I would look into his ability for rehabilitation. He may qualify to be admitted to a rehabilitation facility that will retrain and reteach his muscles for optimal movement so that he may regain some of his independence. How disabled is he? Can he move at all? Can he feed himself? Dress himself? Speak clearly and think clearly? There are still many unanswered questions here to be able to give you good guidance, but there are programs out there that can help. And lastly, yes, many family members do stay home to care for their loved ones, but my main concern is getting him rehabbed as much as he can first.

Are you assuming he was at work when he had the stroke and that he was paying for short-term and long-term disability insurance? Or that the employer might provide these? It certainly doesn't hurt to check on these things with the employer.

Don't hesitate to ask some questions of lawyers who specialize in Disability. You likely can get free consultations with more than one lawyer.

If he is a veteran, he might be able to get Aid and Attendance (I think that's what it's called).

Maybe he can get Medicaid via the state, as someone mentioned.

Look into Social Security, SGray, as he might qualify for SSI, which is Social Security for the very poor, or SSDI, which I think is Social Security for the disabled. He might qualify for some help through SS.

Some states will pay somewhere around $10 per hour to a caregiver who is staying home to care for a loved one, including relatives. I don't know which states do that, but go the welfare office where he lives and find out. I forget what the program is called.

Clarify with the doctor what he is supposed to do about Rehabilitation, physical therapy, speech therapy, occupational therapy. Make sure he is getting some Rehabilitation, as others have suggested, so he doesn't go downhill any farther or any faster.

Does he need to be in a skilled nursing facility? a nursing home? a rehab hospital?

Think about your own needs, too. You might need to get to school and/or work so you have some income and can get a decent paying job in the future. Maybe you can study online?

Here's wishing you two all the best.

Also, as far as I can tell based on your info, your BF is currently an adult and considered competent to make his own healthcare decisions. That is, he has the right to do what he wants even if it results to harm to himself. So yes, he can decide not to follow the doctor's instructions. And neither you nor his doctor not anyone else in the world can legally force him, short of restraining him to the bed (and that's a whole other legal/ethical ball of wax).

All you can do is express your concerns to him and his family and hope he listens. I know that's a bitter pill to swallow, but that's the reality.

Best of luck.

He might not really be legally competent mentally.

Penelope_Pitstop, BSN, RN

Has 13 years experience.

He has a patch in the back of his head from a stroke he had a year ago.

[ATTACH=CONFIG]24840[/ATTACH]

[ATTACH=CONFIG]24840[/ATTACH]

I was wondering that too. I've never seen any of my stroke patients get patches on the back of their heads. I was thinking maybe it's something used in other sections of the country.

Penelope_Pitstop, BSN, RN

Has 13 years experience.

I was wondering that too. I've never seen any of my stroke patients get patches on the back of their heads. I was thinking maybe it's something used in other sections of the country.

I was thinking more along the lines of a bald spot, or some sort of skin issue (like cradle cap or a strange wound with a dressing) vs. a medication patch, so now I'm even more confused.

KelRN215, BSN, RN

Specializes in Pedi. Has 10 years experience.

I was thinking more along the lines of a bald spot, or some sort of skin issue (like cradle cap or a strange wound with a dressing) vs. a medication patch, so now I'm even more confused.

And I was thinking it was a craniectomy/missing bone flap. I have never heard of anyone describe anything as a "patch" on the back of one's head after a stroke or neurosurgery. And I worked in neurosurgery for 5 years and had neurosurgery myself.

A client's mother I had one time was a CNA and her live-in boyfriend was graduating from nursing school. They planned on him going to work for an agency to take care of her homebound daughter and thought that they could get by with the ruse because he had a different surname, they were not married and therefore not legally relatives, and they were going to keep their mouths shut about the true relationship. It would have been interesting to see if they could get away with it, but I don't think that one happened. Agree with the others. This is a bad idea.

canoehead, BSN, RN

Specializes in ER. Has 30 years experience.

I was wondering that too. I've never seen any of my stroke patients get patches on the back of their heads. I was thinking maybe it's something used in other sections of the country.

Maybe she has one of those Real Dolls instead of a living BF.

Hello_Pretty, RN

Specializes in CNA, LVN, RN. Has 2 years experience.

In California, the boyfriend may qualify for In Home Supportive Services (contact a social worker since I don't know OP or the BFs situation). The state pays a caregiver (pretty much anyone that can pass a background check and DOES NOT need any medical training). You wouldn't be paid to watch him 24/7, but depending on his medical needs, you can get paid for #hours the state thinks he needs.

BSN16

Specializes in ICU, trauma.

[ATTACH=CONFIG]24840[/ATTACH]

bone flap maybe?