Boyfriend of a Nursing Student

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I'm in a very committed relationship with a nursing student at a different school about a half an hour from me. We've been dating for a little over a year and both agree that marriage is in or future, I'm extremely proud of her for her career choice and try everything to be as supportive as I can from a distance but for the past few weeks I can't get one thing off my mind. I've seen the threads about a boyfriend being upset that his girlfriend has to touch or see another man's member among other things and that isn't what this is about, at first that thought and picture really bothered me but at this point I'm honestly over that and don't really care about it, I understand it's part of the job and I'm not concerned. I'm also not worried about her being turned on by inserting a catheter or giving a bed bath but the one thing that bothers me is how a nurse can have any interest in seeing her significant other naked after seeing several men naked that day at work, I know they are "just body parts" on patients but is it really different when it's your boyfriend or husband's? I know this question will probably seem dumb to everyone on here but as a management major who has no experience in the medical field it's hard for me to imagine that she won't eventually become desensitized to the male body and anatomy and develop the "seen one, seen them all" mentality. That would just really be hard because I know the way I look at her body and like to think that it goes both ways and I would just hate to lose that. Any advice would be appreciated, if you want to tell me how immature it is or to get over it then save your time, I realize it's small and probably largely unreasonable but I'm just looking to see how other couples or husbands have dealt with this if they've had the same problem or if it really isn't a problem then I would like to hear that too. Thanks in advance

This is true... female nurses get a lot of SUPER terrible behavior from mostly male patients that would get them arrested in any other setting... but I don't think it's fair to hang that baggage on OP.

I don't think it's weird to wonder what effect it has to see patients naked all the time. Most people don't see naked people all the time. A lot of people only see naked people in sexual situations. So, I think I can see where he's coming from. It's not his fault he doesn't know what it's like - that's what he came here to find out. He's actively finding out. That's good.

And we all told him. Many times.

Not feeling it at all. But in case you are right, I'm stepping out.

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Specializes in Hospice.
This is true... female nurses get a lot of SUPER terrible behavior from mostly male patients that would get them arrested in any other setting... but I don't think it's fair to hang that baggage on OP.

I don't think it's weird to wonder what effect it has to see patients naked all the time. Most people don't see naked people all the time. A lot of people only see naked people in sexual situations. So, I think I can see where he's coming from. It's not his fault he doesn't know what it's like - that's what he came here to find out. He's actively finding out. That's good.

ETA: I quoted Farawyn for context, but this is more of a general musing than a response to her... she's totes right on.

While I agree that most civilians might have passing thoughts about sexual responses from Nurses and patients, this has gone on for so long I'm starting to read some of the posts in my best "Bevis and Butthead" voice.

I got tired of the "Is it a turn on to catheterize a guy?" questions many many moons ago. I think I'm going to follow Far's lead and bow out of this-it needs to die a natural death, until someone resurrects it in 3 years lol.

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Specializes in Trauma Surgery.

... Well that escalated quickly. :down:

But seriously though, I'm going through the entire thread and am LOL-ing so hard and quietly to myself right now... I can't wake my husband up laughing at 5 am because he'll be one pissed off nurse.

:roflmao::roflmao:

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Specializes in Long Term Acute Care, TCU.
While I would love to go hang out with my girlfriend the distance prevents that from happening

And there it is. You know she is cheating on you and you wonder if it is with some guy that she put a Foley in?

No, it is with the son of the patient that she put a Foley in. Or maybe the daughter......now that is more like it.

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Specializes in Med-Surg.

I feel frustrated reading a lot of these responses because so many people keep addressing something that the OP already mentioned was a non-issue: how we feel sexually about male genitalia/ patients at work. He has already said multiple times that he doesn't believe nurses feel anything sexual at all towards their patients. I know we have had a lot of weird and creepy male posters try to make the stance that nurses are perverse, but that isn't what the OP is doing.

As someone who entered the medical field really innocent to the naked body (CNA at 18) I can try to see the OP's concerns. To non-medical people seeing naked people every day is not normal. It's incomprehensible. I can sort of understand why the OP might be worried that his SO would start to become desensitized to nudity so much that the naked body is not arousing, period. As nurses we instantly know it's a silly concern, almost not even worth explaining the rational behind it. Non-medical people could have questions or concerns, especially someone young and insecure.

OP, I have seen a lot in my time in the medical field. It doesn't affect or desensitize me to intimacy in my personal life at all. These two areas are so separate, so different, that it would never be possible to become desensitized to sex (personal life) due to what my duties are as a nurse. Now, job stress and crazy work hours are issues that might. I also second previous posters who point out that intimacy for women is not nearly as visual for men- it's much more emotional.

Doctors, nurses, morticians (yuck, think about that one), anyone in health care, we all have personal lives outside of work that usually involve intimacy with a partner. Medical professionals make up a huge part of the workforce. If your question were a real issue, procreation would be a big problem.

You sound sweet, but very insecure. These worries you have are irrational (which you already know). What you need to look for now are ways to cope with your insecurities/fears. You have been told that the short answer to your question is no. Now what you do with that information and if you are able to accept it is up to you.

life all of the time. areworms :(

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Specializes in Med-Surg.

I tried to edit my post and can't get that last line off of the bottom on my phone. Ignore the last sentence of fragmented word garbage, thanks!

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I appreciate your input, yes I have said something to her about it on a couple of occasions and she's always said that it won't ever happen and I trust her but I wanted to get the input of some people who have been through school and in the profession for a while. Also, I would hate to think of her or anyone having to deal with that but I'm aware that it happens and I'm not really bothered by that (other than thinking that anyone who does that should suffer serious consequences), the biggest concern for me was the...I guess loss of intimacy after seeing so many naked men and the fear of her developing a seen one seen them all mindset.

Oh, honeychile, trust me on that one. I been seeing lots of bodyparts for very likely longer than you have been alive, and my DH and I are what you might call old people. Well, let's just say that considering Farawyn's definitive quote on the subject, while "if you've seen one, you've seen 'em all" may be factually true on an anatomical basis, does it work like that for lips or eyes or hands for you, or are hers the only eyes you get lost in, the only lips you want to kiss, the only hands you want holding you? Same thing. It has absolutely nothing to do with thunder and lightning and desire. Go forth.

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Specializes in M/S, LTC, Corrections, PDN & drug rehab.

While I would love to go hang out with my girlfriend the distance prevents that from happening.

And the truth shall set you freeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

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I did not say you weren't supporting her. But you certainly aren't helping her by bringing this kind of nonsense to her attention. It also does look like you are putting sex before her happiness and job. Honestly, it you really think about it, it's kind of an immature thing to be preoccupied with. And don't hide behind the male perspective excuse. This is about human-to-human understanding.

all on my part, and no, I do not understand how the female mind works, I am a man after all and I haven't met another man yet who can begin to understand that subject

This last is a common excuse for not looking closely. Not saying it's necessarily your handicap, but I am here to tell you that my husband understands me better than anyone on the planet, male or female or somewhere in between. He has put loving, conscious effort into it and it shows in many ways. When somebody says, "I just don't understand women," it usually means,"I don't want to try to understand (this one or the whole class)." Don't be that guy.

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OMG, the horse is very VERY very dead. OP from AZ, do you have your answers now? All of them? You understand that the "member issue" is a NON-issue?

GREAT!

Now we can shovel that poor bloody carcass off to the side of the road ;)

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Specializes in M/S, LTC, Corrections, PDN & drug rehab.
OMG, the horse is very VERY very dead. OP from AZ, do you have your answers now? All of them? You understand that the "member issue" is a NON-issue?

GREAT!

Now we can shovel that poor bloody carcass off to the side of the road ;)

Or this OP & the OP upset about her graduation date can get together & beat their dead, rotting horses together.

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Specializes in ninja nursing.

I really want to reply and be sarcastic but will hold back. No one looks at memberes every day. No one is getting turned on by inserting foleys into their patient. I've probably inserted five in my entire nursing career and 4 of those 5 were from patients who requested a male nurse instead of a female nurse. You don't have anything to worry about.

Okay, this is the sarcastic and blunt response: the memberes I do have to look at are because their disease process has affected that region of the body. For example, cellulitis and herpes of the member. Cellulitis of the member and scrotum reminds me of those spring rolls where it's translucent and can kind of see inside. Herpes member will scar you for the rest of your life. Pustules with creamy white discharge, etc. If any person can get turned on by seeing those, they need a psych consult.

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