Boyfriend of a Nursing Student

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I'm in a very committed relationship with a nursing student at a different school about a half an hour from me. We've been dating for a little over a year and both agree that marriage is in or future, I'm extremely proud of her for her career choice and try everything to be as supportive as I can from a distance but for the past few weeks I can't get one thing off my mind. I've seen the threads about a boyfriend being upset that his girlfriend has to touch or see another man's member among other things and that isn't what this is about, at first that thought and picture really bothered me but at this point I'm honestly over that and don't really care about it, I understand it's part of the job and I'm not concerned. I'm also not worried about her being turned on by inserting a catheter or giving a bed bath but the one thing that bothers me is how a nurse can have any interest in seeing her significant other naked after seeing several men naked that day at work, I know they are "just body parts" on patients but is it really different when it's your boyfriend or husband's? I know this question will probably seem dumb to everyone on here but as a management major who has no experience in the medical field it's hard for me to imagine that she won't eventually become desensitized to the male body and anatomy and develop the "seen one, seen them all" mentality. That would just really be hard because I know the way I look at her body and like to think that it goes both ways and I would just hate to lose that. Any advice would be appreciated, if you want to tell me how immature it is or to get over it then save your time, I realize it's small and probably largely unreasonable but I'm just looking to see how other couples or husbands have dealt with this if they've had the same problem or if it really isn't a problem then I would like to hear that too. Thanks in advance

Specializes in Hospice.
One night when I was working in the ED, one of my co-workers went out to triage. He came back in, and I asked him what was wrong with the patient.

He said "She's got a problem in her 'gitchy gitchy yaya dada'."

Best. description. of. a. lady parts. problem. ever.

Bwahahaha I just started singing "Voulez vous coucher avec moi, c'est soir?"

My family looked at me like I'd grown a third eye.

To heck with them, I had fun!! 🎉😇

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Think about it this way. Do you know an elderly neighborhood lady in your community. Have you ever cut her grass or work around her house for chores? Now take this same lady and Imagine giving her a sponge bath or Inserting a catheter in her. No matter if you are male/female and hedrosexual/homosexual the sexual pleasure/thoughts go right out the window. It's the way you imagine shuffing papers, copying reports, etc... it's a job and the general hospitals/Mediaografic stories are far from reality. However as the other nurses on here said..... Recreational/Work member/lady parts are in two opposite sides of the spectrum. Your comment gave me a chuckle as well. Thanks.

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Specializes in Hospice.
"There is Work member, and there is Recreational member. I'm sure your GF knows the difference. "

- Farawyn

And on this one, I totally flashed on "Church Tongue" from The Wedding Singer.

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"There is Work member, and there is Recreational member. I'm sure your GF knows the difference. "

- Farawyn

Loved the quote

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And on this one, I totally flashed on "Church Tongue" from The Wedding Singer.

I just watched that the other night.

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Specializes in Urology, HH, med/Surg.

Ok, let me try to explain this a different way- I'm going to address this from what I think most women's perspective is...if anyone objects, please correct me.

When women want to be intimate with a man- it's (usually) because of the way she feels about him or with him. It's a whole world of emotions (the operative word here) that go into that. We don't see a member & just fall over!

So when you're a nurse, at work- which is NOT a romantic mindset- and you happen to need to do (usually painful) things to a man's member, it's usually no different than wrapping a bandage on their leg. Like putting in a foley (as people have said--thanks for the LOL on your imagining that could be arousing!)- the nurse is concerned with maintaining a sterile field, hoping the pt doesn't scream & hanging on to the sucker while it's got KY all over it! Soooo far from sexy!

So your GF might not be in the mood as frequently while she's in school- it'll be because she is stressed, worried & exhausted. You'll want to be supportive, helpful & patient. That is what keeps the emotional intimacy present that engenders the desire for physical intimacy, for (most?) women.

And Dogen...I always use the word 'hoohah' 😬

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To la_chica,

I appreciate your advice and understand that nursing is by no means an easy profession. Yet again, I am not worried about her having sexual thoughts while working with a patient, and while I cannot quote the definition of empathy in a medical setting I know that the general meaning is to understand and share the feelings or tribulations of another person, so I think there are probably better things for me to learn than that. I gladly admit that I do not fully understand what goes through a nurse's mind on a day to day basis and that is the reason I made this post, to attempt to better understand what my girlfriend will go through in her education and career, so that I can be more understanding and more supportive of her and not worried about my own problems.

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Specializes in Pediatric Hematology/Oncology.
To la_chica,

I appreciate your advice and understand that nursing is by no means an easy profession. Yet again, I am not worried about her having sexual thoughts while working with a patient, and while I cannot quote the definition of empathy in a medical setting I know that the general meaning is to understand and share the feelings or tribulations of another person, so I think there are probably better things for me to learn than that. I gladly admit that I do not fully understand what goes through a nurse's mind on a day to day basis and that is the reason I made this post, to attempt to better understand what my girlfriend will go through in her education and career, so that I can be more understanding and more supportive of her and not worried about my own problems.

The reason I say you're not getting it is because you think I'm still addressing the notion that she would be having sexual thoughts while working with a patient. I am not. I'm talking about what happens after you clock out for the day. You're saying that you feel like she will become desensitized by being around the human form in an intimate way -- though this is decidedly not in an ideal manner, for some reason you are still threatened by it, as though you have no idea how a human (let alone female) mind works.

Let me share with you what I have experienced. I am still a student but I work full time, volunteer, and do a multitude of other things besides attend nursing school. I have a partner who supports me fully and I am relatively happy at home. However, let's say I get a bum assignment for clinical that day -- I end up having a rough day, let's say a patient died or I was crushed by my first experience with interacting with a patient with advanced-stage dementia or I was instructed to start an IV on a very elderly, very confused patient who clearly wished death would come sooner or later or I stood by and held the hand of a little girl who said goodbye to her father for the last time. These things are rough on anyone's soul. Let's say the next day I have to go to work and be yelled at by people for really stupid reasons (especially in the sobering light of the human condition I was blinded by the day before). Do you really think I can get in the proper mindset to even give of myself emotionally to my partner let alone even do anything but just sit next to her and watch TV as a numbly doze off and on when the week is over? Do you think my partner is concerned that I saw too many naked old ladies and now I am numb to the female form in general?? What do you think, honestly?

If that doesn't get you over your insecurity, you need to go do something that is REAL in life so you can see what REAL, adult problems are.

....cuz you aren't even going to be able to cope with what's swirling around your girlfriend's mind as she learns how to cope with her own stuff just so she can function normally around you (let alone having to deal with your ridiculous insecurity about NOTHING).

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Once again I appreciate your input and I know I've thought about this from a man's perspective (with no medical experience). Yet again, I did not say that inserting a catheter was arousing! I don't know much but I'd like to think that I know better than that, I only said that I was "not worried" about that because in previous posts that I had seen the first thing most people had to say was: "Are you kidding? You think inserting a catheter or giving a bed bath is sexy or arousing" so I was trying to clear up what my concerns were and what they weren't. Thank you again for all your input.

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Specializes in Medical Surgical/Addiction/Mental Health.

Disassociation is a wonderful thing.

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To la_chica,

You're absolutely right, it is insecure and small on my part, and no, I do not understand how the female mind works, I am a man after all and I haven't met another man yet who can begin to understand that subject. With all due respect you know nothing about the support I give her and the effort I make to do everything possible to help her from a distance during the week. You're also right to say that I don't know how it feels to hold a dying person's hand and I have more respect for people in this field than I can tell you, seeing what my girlfriend has gone through has truly given me new perspective of the profession but there is no reason to tell me to do something real in life and see what "real" problems are. I'll tell you what some "real" problems are, no I've never saved a life and I've never been responsible for ending one but since I was 18 I have gone to work with the weight of 60 employees livelihoods partially on my shoulders. I don't work 8 or 12 hour days and I don't work 3 or 5 days a week, I work as hard as I can, for as long as is necessary, just like my parents did before me. That is absolutely not to say that what I do is as important as what nurses do on a day to day basis but I am saying that you aren't the only person who is stressed and I won't be disrespected or lectured to about the "real world." This was never about me not wanting to support her or about putting sex before her happiness and job, it was a simple question and I hoped for a reasonably simple answer, not to be chastised like I was.

I came here to try to understand the mindset behind something that was foreign to me, I thoroughly appreciate the real advice that was given to me and it has helped me to wrap my head around something that I didn't begin to understand before.

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Specializes in Pediatric Hematology/Oncology.
That is absolutely not to say that what I do is as important as what nurses do on a day to day basis but I am saying that you aren't the only person who is stressed and I won't be disrespected or lectured to about the "real world." This was never about me not wanting to support her or about putting sex before her happiness and job, it was a simple question and I hoped for a reasonably simple answer, not to be chastised like I was.

I came here to try to understand the mindset behind something that was foreign to me, I thoroughly appreciate the real advice that was given to me and it has helped me to wrap my head around something that I didn't begin to understand before.

I did not say you weren't supporting her. But you certainly aren't helping her by bringing this kind of nonsense to her attention. It also does look like you are putting sex before her happiness and job. Honestly, it you really think about it, it's kind of an immature thing to be preoccupied with. And don't hide behind the male perspective excuse. This is about human-to-human understanding.

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