Biting Your Tongue

Haven't we all had to bite our tongues at times in order NOT to say that which is desperately demanding to be said but probably wouldn't send Press-Gainey into swoons of delight? Here are a few of mine -- please share yours! Nurses Announcements Archive Article

Things I'd like to say to patients (or their families) and get away with:

"I'm so sorry no one told you that drinking a liter of hard liquor a day could cause heart problems. This must be a complete shock to you, having alcohol-induced cardiomyopathy. But did you honestly think drinking that much daily would be GOOD for your health?" Clenched my teeth, bit my tongue and didn't say anything when the patient was going all "Woe is Me!" because of his cardiomyopathy and how unfair life is that this happened to him just when he was . . . .

"I don't know the anesthesiologist who promised you that you would have NO pain post-operatively. But I can assure you that it's not unusual for heart surgery to hurt."

This to the patient and family who wanted the patient to be drugged into oblivion until "he's all better." They never did understand why he had to be "awake and miserable" to do his pulmonary toilet, physical therapy or eat.

"No, ma'am. The surgery didn't make your husband this way. I'm pretty sure he had some memory issues BEFORE he had the surgery. That would be why he was taking Namendia and possibly why he was living in a memory care unit instead of at home with you." Didn't say it, but I was thinking it pretty loudly!

"Yes, Ma'am. I sure he lived through the night. I'm looking at him right now, and he's eating breakfast. I'm sure he'll forgive you for selling all of his things and using the money to buy that Birkin bag you've always wanted. He did look pretty sick last night, what with that not breathing and all."

"Of course you can stay all night, Ma'am. But that pillow you've got under your arm is the one we just took out from under his left side; and we're going to put it under his right side momentarily. If you MUST lie down RIGHT NOW, please go ask the unit secretary for guest linens and don't take the stuff we need here" OK, I have said that, or something similar. But I didn't get away with it. I had to sit in the manager's office and explain all about how I was thinking that the wife might be less comfortable trying to sleep with all the drainage from his wound right under her cheek.

"You're HOW old? And you had to have your Mommy stay overnight? She's 80 and using a walker, and you're expecting her to sleep in this sleep chair? What's the matter with you?"

"You're here to visit your mother? Really? And you can't tell me her last name? I don't care how many times she got married, if you're close enough to be visiting her when she's in the ICU, you're close enough to know her last name!"

"Sir, if that were a service dog -- which I doubt, because I've never heard of a Service PitBill -- you'd be able to tell me what service he provides. And he'd have a service dog vest, not a spiked collar. I'm sorry, but "Spike" isn't allowed to visit, and neither are you until you come back without him." Now if I HAD said something like that (which I would have had I seen them coming before they actually got into the room), it would have prevented all sorts of drama when "Spike" attacked Dad's nurse and pinned him up against the wall.

I'm sure I'm not the only one who has nearly exploded from the strain of trying NOT to say that which is desperately DEMANDING to be said . . . please share!

Specializes in Clinical Documentation Specialist, LTC.

"You're in the clinic for a headache stomach virus you had two days ago but it's gone now? Go home and stop wasting my time!"

This is usually always a patient who wants an excuse for skipping work that day.

"You're having chest pains and decided to come to the clinic as a walk-in because you didn't want to wait in the ER? How is that any different than having to wait to be worked in as a walk-in? Go to the dang ER!!" (For the record, all chest pains get sent to the ER anyway.)

"You came in for fasting labs, but was so hungry you had to eat a full breakfast before you came? What part of fasting did you not understand?"

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Specializes in Clinical Documentation Specialist, LTC.

I meant to say headache or stomach virus in that first sentence. I'm tired :blink:

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I wasn't sure if that was a rhetorical question or not, but if it wasn't, diabetic neuropathy is pretty painful. If it was rhetorical then I get what you mean, not every diabetic has neuropathy, nor do they all need to eat every 2hrs like I've heard them claim lol.

It was rhetorical in this case. To be fair he COULD be having pain from a number of things, neuropathy, phantom pains from his amputated legs etc.

If he IS having that much pain, 10/10 pain 24/7 despite high doses of narcotics Q2 hours, it is still hard for me to deal with it considering he has bullied every single doctor, nurse, and supervisor at my hospital to accommodate slowly killing himself. There is no such thing as a 3,000 calorie ADA diet, but guess who got it ordered for them?

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This...

Never had to hold an able bodied member, even with SCI pts, unless absolutely necessary...if you move your arms and fingers, assume the position! :blink:

The requests ALWAYS end once you find a male staff member to answer their call bell for those requests. Suddenly IT'S A MIRACLE!!! THEY CAN USE THEIR HANDS AGAIN!!!

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Any breed of dog can be a service dog.

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However, they should be legit. Anyone can order a "special" vest to cheat getting the dog going everywhere with them.

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Specializes in ED; Med Surg.

I'm sorry I can't provide you with the meal you would like. Unfortunately this is not a hotel, or a B&B,

Oh wait---I have said that!

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Specializes in Oncology; medical specialty website.

I liked all of these, but wanted to point out that pit bulls can be service dogs, though it wouldn't surprise me if the guy you mentioned was lying.

http://pitbullregistry.com/Pit%20Bull%20Service%20Dog%20Certification.php

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Specializes in ED; Med Surg.

We were told it was a violation of ADA to question if people told us their dog was a service dog...was that blowing smoke up you know where?

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Specializes in PCU.

To the patient who fired me for trying to do a skin assessment "Thank you so very much!!!"

I did go around with a huge grin for the rest of the shift (although I felt bad for my colleague who got her).

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I have an idea...Why not assign "Ms critical -thinker new nurse" to the patient who wanted the Philipina nurse to "sit" on him. Or maybe, let her respond to the patient who, among a stream of other requests, wants her to hold his member while he voids.Would it be too cruel to assign her, in additionl, to the patient whose grown child demands his mother gets ibuprophen every 2 hours around the clock. The one who says (shouts) "I don't care if it makes her stomach hurt, my mother needs to be PAIN FREE, don't you understand that??!. Let her apply a little "critical thinking" to the guy who calls 911 because he's drunk.

Maybe it will help her understand that nobody is going to require her to cite "studies" regarding anything nor quote any experts...just do the job of a nurse. You may have to "bite your tongue" when she tells you about it.

I wish we could do this sometimes. But doing so would probably just cause one more "Nurses eat their young", "My coworkers are mean" or "Bullying" thread on AN written by some know it all who just doesn't get it.

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Specializes in Orthopedic, Med Surg, Tele,.

This happened today.

A (obviously single-and-looking son of a patient) had been overly friendly and Mr. Funnyman all day. His dad, (my patient) had an NG tube, NPO, peritonitis... As I'm leaving the room, Mr. Funnyman says loudly: "He would love for you to get him a steak done medium rare." I laugh, then (why didn't I just bite my tongue) quipped back, "Well, unfortunately I'm not the cook...or the waitress."

Can't believe I actually said that, but I also think that guy had it coming to him. He was rather obnoxious.

Sometimes, I get frustrated with the endless chatter. I have so much work to do that even as 12.5 hr shift isn't long enough somedays. It's hard always being over the top nice to people.

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