Haven't we all had to bite our tongues at times in order NOT to say that which is desperately demanding to be said but probably wouldn't send Press-Gainey into swoons of delight? Here are a few of mine -- please share yours!
Things I'd like to say to patients (or their families) and get away with:
"I'm so sorry no one told you that drinking a liter of hard liquor a day could cause heart problems. This must be a complete shock to you, having alcohol-induced cardiomyopathy. But did you honestly think drinking that much daily would be GOOD for your health?" Clenched my teeth, bit my tongue and didn't say anything when the patient was going all "Woe is Me!" because of his cardiomyopathy and how unfair life is that this happened to him just when he was . . . .
"I don't know the anesthesiologist who promised you that you would have NO pain post-operatively. But I can assure you that it's not unusual for heart surgery to hurt."
This to the patient and family who wanted the patient to be drugged into oblivion until "he's all better." They never did understand why he had to be "awake and miserable" to do his pulmonary toilet, physical therapy or eat.
"No, ma'am. The surgery didn't make your husband this way. I'm pretty sure he had some memory issues BEFORE he had the surgery. That would be why he was taking Namendia and possibly why he was living in a memory care unit instead of at home with you." Didn't say it, but I was thinking it pretty loudly!
"Yes, Ma'am. I sure he lived through the night. I'm looking at him right now, and he's eating breakfast. I'm sure he'll forgive you for selling all of his things and using the money to buy that Birkin bag you've always wanted. He did look pretty sick last night, what with that not breathing and all."
"Of course you can stay all night, Ma'am. But that pillow you've got under your arm is the one we just took out from under his left side; and we're going to put it under his right side momentarily. If you MUST lie down RIGHT NOW, please go ask the unit secretary for guest linens and don't take the stuff we need here" OK, I have said that, or something similar. But I didn't get away with it. I had to sit in the manager's office and explain all about how I was thinking that the wife might be less comfortable trying to sleep with all the drainage from his wound right under her cheek.
"You're HOW old? And you had to have your Mommy stay overnight? She's 80 and using a walker, and you're expecting her to sleep in this sleep chair? What's the matter with you?"
"You're here to visit your mother? Really? And you can't tell me her last name? I don't care how many times she got married, if you're close enough to be visiting her when she's in the ICU, you're close enough to know her last name!"
"Sir, if that were a service dog -- which I doubt, because I've never heard of a Service PitBill -- you'd be able to tell me what service he provides. And he'd have a service dog vest, not a spiked collar. I'm sorry, but "Spike" isn't allowed to visit, and neither are you until you come back without him." Now if I HAD said something like that (which I would have had I seen them coming before they actually got into the room), it would have prevented all sorts of drama when "Spike" attacked Dad's nurse and pinned him up against the wall.
I'm sure I'm not the only one who has nearly exploded from the strain of trying NOT to say that which is desperately DEMANDING to be said . . . please share!
My sister, who has almost no tongue left after biting it all the time, says she's going out in a blaze of glory.
When she's old enough or rich enough to retire, she's going to say all the things she's not supposed to say.
She's going to argue and yell at the customer. She's going to make security drag her out of the building, the whole time yelling all the things that have been bottled up for decades. Her capacity for silence is less and less. The looming eruption nearer and nearer. I just wish I could have a front row seat for the performance. But these things aren't usually planned, they just boil over on their own.
I've found that the patients who are given to "firing" nurses are usually ones I'd LOVE to be fired by. (With apologies to the grammar police.)
Too true :) I started one of my shifts as I always do, start the head to toe assessment, and the female began yelling at me as to what was I doing, etc. "A head to toe assessment to ensure your skin is still intact and there are no issues that need to be addressed." "No one else does that." Yada, yada, yada. "It is your right to refuse." It is my right to chart your refusal. Are you refusing the assessment portion of my care at this time?" Blah, blah, blah from the patient. Me, "As you wish." And then she asked for the charge nurse. I acquiesced and left the room.
Charge comes out and says, "What happened? She says she wants another nurse! And she is really angry." I told her and the charge just shook her head. The patient was severely morbidly obese and at risk, due to several comorbidities, for skin infections, tears, and other stuff. For a split second, I swear I was almost hurt...but then I heard the angels sing in the background as the day suddenly brightened...it was a great day.
I have an idea...Why not assign "Ms critical -thinker new nurse" to the patient who wanted the Philipina nurse to "sit" on him. Or maybe, let her respond to the patient who, among a stream of other requests, wants her to hold his member while he voids.Would it be too cruel to assign her, in additionl, to the patient whose grown child demands his mother gets ibuprophen every 2 hours around the clock. The one who says (shouts) "I don't care if it makes her stomach hurt, my mother needs to be PAIN FREE, don't you understand that??!. Let her apply a little "critical thinking" to the guy who calls 911 because he's drunk.Maybe it will help her understand that nobody is going to require her to cite "studies" regarding anything nor quote any experts...just do the job of a nurse. You may have to "bite your tongue" when she tells you about it.
I think that qualifies as "eating your young"...
Christy1019, ASN, RN
879 Posts
^^ I'm just as confused!