Biting your tongue when it comes to visitors!!

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One of my biggest pet peeves of being a nurse is having to bite your tongue when its comes to a patient's family members/visitors. I work on a surgical care floor and most of our rooms are semi-private meaning 2 beds in a room. Most of the time patients come to our floor from surgery with like 4,5,6, or more visitors. They all cram into the room with babies crawling around, laughing and staring at the patient in the other bed. How uncomfortable for that poor patient who has to put up with their roommate's visitors and for the patient as well who is usually in pain and/or very sleepy and doesnt feel up to all the commotion. Sometimes people just dont think....they can be so inconsiderate. The worst is when I come into the room to assess the patient/take vitals, etc. and the family makes no attempt to leave or get out of the way and I have to step over them and squeeze between them, etc. Im trying to listen to breath sounds, bowel sounds, and they are talking to the patient. Most of the time I ask them to please step out of the room for a few minutes and usually they act like I am being completely rude and out of line. One time I was out in the hall at a med cart when a patient came up from surgery and the transporters asked the family to please step out of the room until they got the patient into bed and the nurse checked the patient over. The family stood out in the hallway and talked about how there was no reason why they should have to leave and if we were doing our jobs right there would be no reason to hide anything. It was all I could do to keep my mouth shut.

Another thing that drives me nuts is when family members chase you down he hallway or come up to the desk constantly with water pitchers that need refilled or to say that so and so needs pain medicine. That is what the call light is for. Unless its an emergency....use the dang call light!! Usually if they find you in the hallway or at the desk you are busy doing something else or it is not your patient that they are making a request for and then you have to track down that nurse and tell them so and so needs this, or you have to stop what your doing and go fill a water pitcher. Sometimes its ok but other times you might be running around like crazy and dont have time to get someone water. I wish people would just THINK sometimes....anyone else feel the same way?? or am I being out of line?

Specializes in CCU, SICU, CVSICU, Precepting & Teaching.
just for another prospective...

from the time i was 14-24, my dad was in and out of hospitals. he would often ask me to get ice chips from for him. it wasn't that he needed the ice chips right away, it was that he didn't want to bother the nurses with the request, when he had an able-bodied visitor. i didn't know that i was pestering the nurses, i thought i was doing them a favor,...so, sometimes, tactfully telling the visitor that ringing the bell allows them to operate more efficiently is necessary--not once in the 10 years did anyone explain to me that i wasn't doing them a favor.

the various hospitals had different set-ups and policies, but the other thing of note...if the ice machine was in an accessible location, i was happy to get the chips my self, but felt like i might be doing something wrong, so i always asked(probably unnecessary bugging the nurse in the process)

my point is, that some pestering visitors might be a bother because they're trying hard not bother anyone, so telling the visitors what to do(and why) not only makes your job easier, but allows visitors to do what they came to do in the first place--provide comfort and aide to patient.

there's always someone who has to give us "a different perspective." understand that most of us nurses have been patients and visitors. we don't really need a different perspective because we've already been there. and far as nurses not explaining that you weren't doing them a favor in ten whole years -- i submit that perhaps they did ask you to use the call light and you didn't get it. or you didn't think they really meant you. or you heard it on monday but forgot again by wednesday.

when the family comes out to the nurse's station to ask for ice, it usually isn't that person's nurse who spots them hanging over the counter and has to deal with them. so someone has to go find the nurse and ask if so and so can have ice. and family doesn't just wait quietly while this is happening -- they feel the need to chat with whoever is at the nurse's station, thus holding up that person from whatever they were doing. and we can't discuss other patients when they're hanging out there . . . .

and that doesn't even begin to address the family members who think they'll just have a seat at the nurse's station while waiting for someone to bring them dad's ice . . . .

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Specializes in Health Information Management.
One of my pet peeves is the family members who bring their evening meal onto the floor and sit in the patient's room, eating. By the time they reach "their" room, they have trailed the KFC (or worse) smell up and down the hall, nauseating fresh post-ops, including possibly their own relative. Those patients who are not nauseated may be NPO and the smell actually increases their hunger pangs.

How rude!

Gosh, I never realized that was a rude thing to do. I did so when my husband had a car accident that nearly killed him. He had never been in a hospital before, had a major head injury, and he was terrified and prone to freaking out when I left the room. He was in a private room, so I would grab a quick snack once a day while he was dozing and run back up as fast as I could so he wouldn't wake up and be alone (for a while, he was trying to pull out tubes because he was pretty hazy). There weren't any other family members around, so I couldn't trade off with another relative. None of the nurses ever complained or even gave me a dirty look about it.

I tried really hard to be careful, inobtrusive, and helpful (I took care of getting him things like ice chips and always left without being asked if they needed to help him with toileting). No one ever told me it was a rude thing to do, and it definitely wasn't against the hospital's rules - I actually read them over because I was so thankful they were letting me stay with him 24/7 and I didn't want to do anything that could jeopardize that arrangement. I wish someone would write down the unwritten rules in each facility. Some things are obvious, like not having 20 people in one room or walking into another patient's room to get a nurse, but there are grey areas where some visitors may be making honest mistakes.

Now I feel like a complete jerk. I hope I didn't make any patients there sick or drive the hospital's nurses crazy. :crying2:

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Specializes in Trauma Surgery, Nursing Management.

It is difficult for a family member to watch a loved one experiencing pain. The family is feeling freaked out, helpless and desperately wants to do SOMETHING. I am reminded of a scene from the movie "Sense and Sensibility" when Marianne is very sick and her love interest, Colonel Brandon has been called to her bedside. He is frustrated, scared and pacing the floor. He turns to Elinor and shouts, "Give me an occupation, for God's SAKE!" The relevancy of this scene is that the family is WANTING to do something productive to help.

I have come across many family members who crowd the room, are seemingly unaware or unconcerned about the privacy that the patient needs. They can get in the way, and they can be a pain. I get that. If you ask them to step out for a minute, just tell them that you can give better care if you have more room. They will understand (for the most part). If they give you any grief, pose this question to them: "Do you shut the door when you go to the bathroom?" Of course they do. Explain to them that you are protecting the modesty of your patient (instead of saying that you are protecting their privacy-which will immediately raise the family member's defenses.) and that you will give the family member an update as soon as you are done. This way they feel included and will respect the fact that you are providing the best care possible to their loved one.

As far as a family member speaking for a patient, hmm....this is a delicate situation, and you must tread lightly in order to first be a patient advocate and secondly to implement a holistic mode of care for the patient and family. I have often had a family member speak for the patient in regards to the patient's pain level, and I explain to the family member that we all experience pain in a different way. If they understand that you are trying your level best to control the patient's pain, they will do anything you want them to do.

I have found that the best way to deal with difficult and demanding families is to give them something to do. I remember one particular family who was hounding the nurses at the nursing station every 30 minutes for one thing or another. I finally went into the room, sat with them for a minute and asked them what the patient's favorite things were. "Oh, she just LOVES Bath and Body Works, and she loves to do crossword puzzles." I sent the family out to get the patient's favorite soap and lotion from BBW and a newspaper with a crossword puzzle section. They bathed the patient, she LOVED it, they called out the crossword clues to the patient. The family felt that they were helping and the nurses were pleased that the recovery time was faster than normal for this gal.

I hope this helps to a degree. It's all in your perspective.

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I've been in my mom's room plenty of times when she was in the hospital. I was usually pretty quiet and when th nurse or doctor came to speak to her or something, I moved out of the way, no one usually said anything. I did eat in her room sometimes, but there is actually a taco bell in the hospital where patients and visitors can get food. I usually kept it neat, never asked the nurses to do anything. If my mom wanted ice, usually I would go get it myself, if I knew where it was and even if I didn't, my mom always knew where it was so she'd tell me but it did make me nervous to be walking around on the floor as a visitor, which I think a lot of people feel. You have to understand that with some family, all patients have a different level of comfort. What YOU think the patient might be uncomfortable with, they may not be. I'm my mother's daughter, so no she didn't care that I stayed in the room when they were changing her gown or helping her to the bathroom. In fact because I'm a nursing student, she always wanted me to watch how it was done. She didn't care about the personal questions they asked with me right there, some families are just like that.

Also, one of the things I've noticed about all of these posts is that you treat the patient as the victim, that is not always the case. Sometimes the patient is responsible for how many visitors show up. Sometimes the patient is the one who sends the family member out to find the nurse because they feel like they won't respond to the call light. Sometimes it is the patient that asks the family member to sneak them in some food they shouldn't have. This is especially true in L&D. When my friend had a baby she posted it on facebook "Everyone come to the Mother-Baby unit of X hospital, room xxx to see us!". Which I find to be plain stupid. You're going home in 2 days, and quite frankly I wouldn't want 8-10 people holding and cuddling my newborn baby. So while you enforce the rules to the family members, also be sure to enforce them with the patient as well.

There are cases when the family don't come because they feel like they can't do anything or the patient is sleep or out of it and there would be no point to just sit in their room and watch them sleep and the nurse will claim the family must be uncaring. There was once a time where my mom called and told my dad the nurse said he needed to come down to the hospital and wash her up. But going into rooms, trying to hunt down nurses or refusing to leave, that's just ridiculous and unacceptable. I plan on working on the night shift thankfully =)

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Specializes in ICU, CVICU.
In the ICU, we also have a 2 visitor limit and have SUCH a hard time enforcing it because there is always going to be 1 nurse on that patient's hospital stay that says "Oh, I don't mind!" and after that, every family member things you are being mean!

Also, in the ICU, they do not understand the difference between mom being sick and in the icu and Mom being *SICK*. So when they read the hand outs that say alternative visiting will be made for patients who are extremely sick, actively dying or other circumstances decided by the nurse... they don't understand that OUR idea of sick and THEIR idea of sick are two very different things!

Or you will have family members that simply do not believe the rules apply to them and on that patients door, in several languages if need be - we post the 2 visitor limit rule and STILL have trouble enforcing it. Actually, one unit, we were coding a patient every hour or so and the family had literally 6 or 7 people at the bedside, all wanting to hold the patients hand, share the bed, etc... but were not compliant to the fact that the patient was coding, extremely unstable and I need to be able to get to the bed instantly all the time. You may not take my chair, you may not use my charting computer, you may not be slow to get out of the way and I cannot have to physically push myself in front of you to check for a pulse. The manager ended up coming in and asking them to leave or restrict to 2 visitors because of the patient acuity and we were not able to get care done, so then they started to throw objects and attempted to choke the nurse!! We had to shove them out of the unit, lock all the doors and call the cops because they were trying to break down the doors! And that effected all of the other patients - that hospital did not have a tube system and all labs for other patients, tests, xrays couldn't be done and doctors who were not already on the unit when the lock down happened couldn't get in because of how danger and violent the family was outside the doors!

Limits, limits, limits. Everyone deserves compassion but there are LIMITS.

I swear we work at the same hospital! This is such a pet peeve of mine. I used to work nights so I have seen both sides of it. We allow 22 hr visiting (2 hrs without during report). Honestly, most people get it if I stress " we want to give the safest report to take the best care of BLANK. Interuption can mean mistakes, and we never want that to happen." Every once in a while you get the crazy ones. What drives me insane is that usually, if families make that much noise about it, complain to the manager, the manager just lets them have their way. You know - PRess Ganey and all, right??

And it's hard to explain the SICK sick thing, because then you come off looking like you are not taking their family member's illness seriously enought.

Sorry if this isn't very clear - home from another grueling day complete with family members following me down the hall!

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I'm a nursing student entering my senior year and a few semesters ago I was taking care of a younger male patient who always had a lot of male visitors around the same age. At some point during the day I knock on the door and enter, look to the left towards the bathroom and see one of the male friends standing up urinating in the toilet with the door open. Like really? The sign on the door says for patient use only... And with the door open? This isn't your house!!

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Just for another prospective...

From the time I was 14-24, my Dad was in and out of hospitals. He would often ask me to get ice chips from for him. It wasn't that he NEEDED the ice chips right away, it was that he didn't want to bother the nurses with the request, when he had an able-bodied visitor. I didn't know that I was pestering the nurses, I thought I was doing them a favor,...so, sometimes, tactfully telling the visitor that ringing the bell allows them to operate more efficiently is necessary--not once in the 10 years did anyone explain to me that I wasn't doing them a favor.

The various hospitals had different set-ups and policies, but the other thing of note...if the ice machine was in an accessible location, I was happy to get the chips my self, but felt like I might be doing something wrong, so I always asked(probably unnecessary bugging the nurse in the process)

My point is, that some pestering visitors might be a bother because they're trying hard not bother anyone, so telling the visitors what to do(and why) not only makes your job easier, but allows visitors to do what they came to do in the first place--provide comfort and aide to patient.

Thank you for sharing. I bet your dad loved having you there. :)

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Yes, I have been a hospital patient and a family member of a hospital patient.

What I meant to convey in my post was a response to the the concept of having to "bite your tongue" or otherwise engage in conflict with family members. There is no compassion or other benefit to the patient from these conflicts. And there is no lack of compassion in simply stating, "Hi, I'm Altra, X's nurse. I need to assess X, give some meds, and take care of some things, so I'll have you step out to the waiting room now. I'll call you back when I'm through."

Wishy-washyness (for lack of a better term) breeds fear in family members, not appropriate, competent care.

Yeah, and there would not be a

conflict in the first place if family members would just learn to shut up and observe for 5 minutes before deciding that:

1. These idiot nurses no nothing, so I'M gonna telll them how my mother will be treated!

2. I am staying overnight, no matter. I won't help you with any thing, and I will be snoring in my cot the entire time, but darn it; I am there for my Grandmother!

3. Well, I want to be with my (insert family member here) after surgery, that nurse who insisted that we wait in the hall while she was assessed and settled was just a big meanie and insensitive to boot! And why didn't my (whoever) get pain medicine as soon as she hit the floor?

Wishy-washyness: The reaction surmised of family members who have put so many outrageous demands upon an overworked nurse that she cannot even begin to react to them as normal.

And lovely as your wished resonse is, I can tell you that 90 % of nurse HAVE uttered that same sentence; only to be greeted with "**** you, *****, I will see my Mama Now", or "You can't keep me out".

God, I wish you family and friends would just LOOK at the postings before you decide that you have been in some way dissed.

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Specializes in CVICU, Obs/Gyn, Derm, NICU.
Gosh, I never realized that was a rude thing to do. I did so when my husband had a car accident that nearly killed him. He had never been in a hospital before, had a major head injury, and he was terrified and prone to freaking out when I left the room. He was in a private room, so I would grab a quick snack once a day while he was dozing and run back up as fast as I could so he wouldn't wake up and be alone (for a while, he was trying to pull out tubes because he was pretty hazy). There weren't any other family members around, so I couldn't trade off with another relative. None of the nurses ever complained or even gave me a dirty look about it.

I tried really hard to be careful, inobtrusive, and helpful (I took care of getting him things like ice chips and always left without being asked if they needed to help him with toileting). No one ever told me it was a rude thing to do, and it definitely wasn't against the hospital's rules - I actually read them over because I was so thankful they were letting me stay with him 24/7 and I didn't want to do anything that could jeopardize that arrangement. I wish someone would write down the unwritten rules in each facility. Some things are obvious, like not having 20 people in one room or walking into another patient's room to get a nurse, but there are grey areas where some visitors may be making honest mistakes.

Now I feel like a complete jerk. I hope I didn't make any patients there sick or drive the hospital's nurses crazy. :crying2:

Well at least he had a private room ....so perhaps less of an issue. And it may not have even been a problem.

We have 4 or 6 p'ts in a room here and when visitors bring in KFC it drives me nuts.

Smelly fried food when there are fasting and nauseated p'ts in the same room. They even eat in front of their fasting relative.

I now have them take their food outside and eat in the visitors lounge. I am so tired of this behaviour

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Specializes in Peds Medical Floor.

Yeah I've had to chase family members out of other residents' rooms (I work in a nursing home). They get all mad until I say, "I also wouldn't allow a stranger into your mother's room!" They usually get it then.

When someone hunts me down, I try to say sweetly, "You know, you'd probably get a faster response if you used the CB." I stress that over and over and usually they get the message.

I had a coworker who handed the resident's daughter a washcloth after the resident had a BM and needed to be cleaned up. "Might as well give us a hand if you are going to be here." I'm not sure how she got away with that stuff, but the resident's daughter ran out the door and never bother us again about leaving during care or assessment. :):):)

My personal favorite is when people bring in food and then leave their garbage for us to clean up. Um, we're not maids and we're not waitresses. I do get paid to clean up after your loved one.....not you!

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Specializes in CCU, SICU, CVSICU, Precepting & Teaching.
well at least he had a private room ....so perhaps less of an issue. and it may not have even been a problem.

we have 4 or 6 p'ts in a room here and when visitors bring in kfc it drives me nuts.

smelly fried food when there are fasting and nauseated p'ts in the same room. they even eat in front of their fasting relative.

i now have them take their food outside and eat in the visitors lounge. i am so tired of this behaviour

even if he did have a private room, you can smell kfc all the way down the hall. every patient whose room was passed was probably either nauseated or wishing they had kfc instead of hospital food.

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Specializes in Health Information Management.

Then perhaps hospitals should post rules indicating no visitors should bring food beyond waiting areas, so that no patients are made uncomfortable. Leaving people unaware and then getting angry with them when they don't think of everything that could bother someone in the facility seems a little unfair.

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