Best MD note

Nurses Humor

Published

There may or may not be a thread like this but I couldn't resist sharing. This weekend I was digging through my patient's chart trying to learn more about his history when I came across a note by the attending cardiologist. It said, and I quote: "Patient is stable, no complaints. Was screaming 'Kibbles and Bits!' repeatedly upon my arrival. Of note, patient does not have a dog." I couldn't help but laugh. Anybody else come across some interesting notes in their charts?

Specializes in Postpartum, Med Surg, Home Health.

Bumping

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in critical care, LTC.

Must be new protocol at my hospital but all H&P's now include "pt not currently breast feeding" That's good to know when the patient is 70-80 years old!

Up Vote Up Vote ×

Our surgeons seem to rely heavily on templates, as a post-surgical progress note instructed nursing staff to dangle pt at bedside that evening, then ambulate tid starting tomorrow.

This on a pt that was chairbound for the past 3 years.

A trauma surgery resident kept referring to our pt as a she when the pt was certainly a male - I initially thought the resident was charting on the wrong pt, but everything was correct except for the pronoun.

OMF surgeon charted "pt's mandible met floor, mandible lost; placed 8 screws, 1 arch bar, and 8 wires. Recommend pt not meet the floor face first again."

Same pt, who was a medically complex pt w numerous specialty consults, had this written by the hospitalist: "page me for stool softeners and any codes. Otherwise, I have no idea what to do with her - page consulting physician with correlating specialty."

Up Vote Up Vote ×

Had a lovely, eccentric hospitalist years ago who would write the most adorable orders. He would add his own modifiers to diet orders such as "yummy mechanical soft" or "yummy diabetic diet." We had a husband and wife admitted to our floor at the same time and this same MD wrote an order to "move pt to a room closer to his wife because it is more romantic that way."

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in Medicare Reimbursement; MDS/RAI.

FP note on attempting to persuade a patient he'd biopsied to see a plastic surgeon or dermatologist because the skin cancer had spread outside the margins, and the patient was refusing on the grounds he couldn't afford it. The argument had gone on for quite a while, with the patient getting angry at the doctor, who was doing all he could to assure this man he needed to be seen quickly and that we would help him find any financial assistance we could, and leaving without the printed out referral, stating he would never be back.

"Despite my efforts to assure Mr. XXXXXX we will assist him to find some type of financial support, apparently he feels his negative wallet biopsy trumps his positive skin biopsy. We will continue to attempt reaching him via the usual communications, but as his chief diagnosis today is restrictive anal glaucoma, it is doubtful he will keep this appointment. I expect he will return with his tail tucked firmly between his legs only when he is beaten into submission by his wife, to whom we are going to send this referral by registered mail."

I loved that dictation so much, I've memorized it. :up: (In case you don't know what restrictive anal glaucoma is, it is the inability to see your a** doing what you've been told.

Up Vote Up Vote ×

Had a LTC patient whose ER H&P stated she was "covered in cat crap" on arrival... it was a sad abuse/neglect by family member, but that was the best H&P I had ever read...

Up Vote Up Vote ×

Oh, and the eccentric MD who stated that the patient's tumor was on her "posterior chest"....

Up Vote Up Vote ×

Love this.. restrictive anal glaucoma.... gives me a new way to tell some residents they are not as s*^^-hot as they think they are!!! Thank you!!!!

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in Psych.

One of our psychiatrists would use the dictation program but never proof read. Naturally it would often pick words that he said a lot even if they didn't make sense. A patient brought in a home medication that was non formulary. The doctor went to write a communication note by dictating "Family may bring in medication so that it may be administered in the hospital" The dictation program heard "Family may bring in medication. Suicide may be administered in the hospital." This psychiatrist had a VERY dry sense of humor. After he signed the order I called to verify if that order was in fact correct as it was missing the method. He said "how dare you question my order. Use whatever means you have available." We laughed about that order for a long time. He still refused to proofread.

Up Vote Up Vote ×

Dictation error- "Gave pt 40mg IV LATEX"

My favorite pulm. doc always had the best notes. Some that I remember:

"Pt needs to move to a third world country with cleaner air and less available food"

"Pt's appearance upon entering room" then drew a picture of a whale in a bed with a little triangle about it-pt was 590lbs in a big boy bed with a trapeze

"Pt feels he is having a heart attack despite a clean bill of health from all 9 hospitals that he has visited this month. Pt is as likely to be struck by a flaming meteor whilst stepping off of a curb and simultaneously struck by a bus, as he is to be having a heart attack." complete with picture

"Pt feels other MD was "hitting on me and feeling me up", pt is delusional because, eewwww!"

"admitting diagnosis: ER doctor hates me. pt is fine, ER doc is an @**"

ordered "8mg xanax, repeat until snowed. Maintain level of snowedness until otherwise written. 2mg for the wife"

"Shave pt STAT" pt was a woman with a lovely goatee

"Tell pt to wipe his own @**"

Same doctor: said to my LOL who was transferred up from ICU "Well, *******, can't believe you haven't died yet!" She laughed and hugged him.

We always said that we could write a book based on his orders/notes!

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in ORTHO, PCU, ED.

I once had a pt who the doctor literally wrote in his order sheet

"Dilaudid 0.5 mg IV Q 1 hr PRN pain, Percocet 5/325 mg PO Q 4 hr PRN pain, one hot fudge sundae"

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in Postpartum, Med Surg, Home Health.
Dictation error- "Gave pt 40mg IV LATEX"

My favorite pulm. doc always had the best notes. Some that I remember:

"Pt needs to move to a third world country with cleaner air and less available food"

"Pt's appearance upon entering room" then drew a picture of a whale in a bed with a little triangle about it-pt was 590lbs in a big boy bed with a trapeze

"Pt feels he is having a heart attack despite a clean bill of health from all 9 hospitals that he has visited this month. Pt is as likely to be struck by a flaming meteor whilst stepping off of a curb and simultaneously struck by a bus, as he is to be having a heart attack." complete with picture

"Pt feels other MD was "hitting on me and feeling me up", pt is delusional because, eewwww!"

"admitting diagnosis: ER doctor hates me. pt is fine, ER doc is an @**"

ordered "8mg xanax, repeat until snowed. Maintain level of snowedness until otherwise written. 2mg for the wife"

"Shave pt STAT" pt was a woman with a lovely goatee

"Tell pt to wipe his own @**"

Same doctor: said to my LOL who was transferred up from ICU "Well, *******, can't believe you haven't died yet!" She laughed and hugged him.

We always said that we could write a book based on his orders/notes!

Although I love these and they make me laugh, I do wonder how do these doctors get away with this kind of charting? Does it fly? Or does someone audit them and they get Into trouble?

Up Vote Up Vote ×
+ Add a Comment