Best MD note

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There may or may not be a thread like this but I couldn't resist sharing. This weekend I was digging through my patient's chart trying to learn more about his history when I came across a note by the attending cardiologist. It said, and I quote: "Patient is stable, no complaints. Was screaming 'Kibbles and Bits!' repeatedly upon my arrival. Of note, patient does not have a dog." I couldn't help but laugh. Anybody else come across some interesting notes in their charts?

Specializes in Psych (25 years), Medical (15 years).

Several years ago, a very easy-going Psychiatrist, from Viet Nam, had written Admission orders and I could not decipher one med. He didn't mind being called for any concern.

"Doctor", I said, "I'm sorry, but I can't read one med you ordered."

"Well, what does it look like I wrote?" he asked.

"Well, sir", I stammered, "It looks like you wrote napalm!"

"Oh hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee!" came his reply, "No, I ordered Niaspan!"

Duh!

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Specializes in Geriatrics, Trach Care, Diabetes.

I wish I had the time to read the doctors notes at my job! I just got off of a 13 hour shift over nights and I couldn't stop reading this thread! It brought me a lot of laughs and smiles which I surely needed. Keep the stories coming!

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Specializes in Critical Care.

I remember when my father working a night shift on the inpatient psych unit there was a lady who bit off all of her fingers. In the chart he wrote "Recommend a plate of finger foods" which was hysterical until some student nurses came in the next morning and reported it to the DON. But still one of my favorite stories haha!

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Specializes in ER.

Not an MD note, but couldn't figure out where else to post this, so here goes -

15 Actual Things Doctors Have Had To Tell Their Patients. Seriously? - NewsLinQ

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Specializes in Geriatrics, Trach Care, Diabetes.

Those were fantastic! Thank you. My favorite was the last one about the baby having coffee! HAHA. There is actually an episode of American Dad where Stan is giving the baby coffee because it is too sleepy.

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Specializes in Geriatrics, Trach Care, Diabetes.

I finally had a few moments to read over some charts yesterday. It was a nice calm night (for once!) I read a note about a schizophrenic patient that I care for. He is very medication compliant and just wonderfully weird. Note states while he was in a stay at a mental hospital: Patient states" he thinks he was raped by a male nurse and now he is pregnant". The doctor then stated that the patient said, "I was joking". Knowing this patient I believe he did make that statement as a joke. He is witty, completely alert and oriented and often teases me because I am slow with my med pass. The only thing that is mildly disturbing about his joke is that every schizophrenic patient I have ever encountered was sexually abused in their youth. :(

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Specializes in Palliative, Onc, Med-Surg, Home Hospice.

My favorite has to be this: "Pt appears to not be the sharpest knife in the drawer". This particular doc has a sense of humor but this was spot on!

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Specializes in Neuro-Surgery, Med-Surg, Home Health.

A medical intern from England studying in California wrote an order "Take patient to the theater at 7:00am tomorrow morning."

We were perplexed, "to the 'theater'?" therefore we called him clarify his order.

He said he meant the "Operating Room."

So English of him! (This happened about 30 years ago but I think it is still funny)

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Specializes in Psych (25 years), Medical (15 years).

Now, why else would a Patient be taken to the "Theatre"?

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Read an awesome one with a surgeon on the ICU last week. Going through old progress notes trying to determine some history on a new patient since she is intubated and can't tell. ER note from roughly a year prior: "Chief complaint lower abd pain x3 days. Bladder states approx. 250 cc's urine retained." Surgeon looked at us and made a 'talking mouth' motion with her hand "this bladder should not be saying anything." That one took a second to click!

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"Nov 6, '15 by nursecathi Must be new protocol at my hospital but all H&P's now include "pt not currently breast feeding" That's good to know when the patient is 70-80 years old!"

And male!

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Specializes in Psych (25 years), Medical (15 years).
Surgeon looked at us and made a 'talking mouth' motion with her hand "this bladder should not be saying anything."

Bladders should micturate!

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