Being Gay and a Male Nursing Student

Nursing Students Male Students

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I'm aware that the words 'Gay' and 'Nursing' may somehow go hand-and-hand for some, and others may find it comical, but I've found it quite uncomfortable being gay and a male, nursing student simply because people tend to treat you differently-whether that is not being taken seriously or socially treated like one of the women nurses and/or techs.

Although I keep my personal and work life separate and I have a passion for nursing, but many people still seem to pick up that "vibe" then judge me accordingly. Sometimes I feel like I have to work harder than the other students simply because many people tend to associate gay men with a long list of stereotypical humor and cruelty.

If there are any other gay, male nursing students OR Nurses out there, share your coping mechanisms while in class and/or on the job.

Adding more to this thread. I am a gay male but am one of those people who doesn't exemplify the flamboyant gay stereotype. My RN school friends were questioning it but it wasn't a dead giveaway. This is true in my everyday life.

Regardless, this has never been a topic of discussion until I went out with my classmates outside of school. They didn't care one way or the other.

Additionally, I was very close with my professor last semester and he was an older straight man. Also work as a tech in a hospital and have great relationships with everyone (guys and girls included). I only see our orientation being an issue in places where we are not as accepted (rural areas, south).

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Amen! Seriously, some of the comments here are borderline homophobic.

I'm gay and you just tell your patients it's none of their business.

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I think it is somewhat of their business. If it's something they feel strongly about (or against), they have the right to know. If a female patient can request a female nurse rather than a male nurse, I think it extends to sexual orientation as well. I do not advertise my sexual orientation to my patients, but if they should ask, I inform them and ask if they are OK with it. If they are, great, if not, we work something out. This is about the patient, it's not about any of us. I'm there to care for their medical needs, not change their viewpoints.

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Specializes in CCU, SICU, CVSICU, Precepting & Teaching.
NuGuyNurse2b said:
I think it is somewhat of their business. If it's something they feel strongly about (or against), they have the right to know. If a female patient can request a female nurse rather than a male nurse, I think it extends to sexual orientation as well. I do not advertise my sexual orientation to my patients, but if they should ask, I inform them and ask if they are OK with it. If they are, great, if not, we work something out. This is about the patient, it's not about any of us. I'm there to care for their medical needs, not change their viewpoints.

I agree with NurseNinja -- patients don't need to know anything at all about your private life. Keep it to yourself.

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I am still in school and i dont discriminate to someones orientation. I have served with awesome gay people in the military and they go above and beyond their call to action. I respect work ethics and professionalism in the workplace. Above all your paitient should be number one in my book. Good luck and only you know whats truly in your heart.

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NuGuyNurse2b said:
I think it is somewhat of their business. If it's something they feel strongly about (or against), they have the right to know. If a female patient can request a female nurse rather than a male nurse, I think it extends to sexual orientation as well. I do not advertise my sexual orientation to my patients, but if they should ask, I inform them and ask if they are OK with it. If they are, great, if not, we work something out. This is about the patient, it's not about any of us. I'm there to care for their medical needs, not change their viewpoints.

I wholeheartedly disagree. Nothing about me is the patient's business - not my sexual orientation, gender, ethnicity, race, background, family life, religion, socioeconomic status, etc. The patient ABSOLUTELY does not have a right to know. But, that's my opinion, and opinions differ.

I suppose the only reason why "it's not their right to know" is because their knowledge about me doesn't affect their nursing/medical care. If it's "the patient's right to know," then that must mean that I must give them details about my personal life, something that I don't think they're entitled to as a patient receiving care.

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Tacomaboy3 said:
I wholeheartedly disagree. Nothing about me is the patient's business - not my sexual orientation, gender, ethnicity, race, background, family life, religion, socioeconomic status, etc. The patient ABSOLUTELY does not have a right to know. But, that's my opinion, and opinions differ.

I suppose the only reason why "it's not their right to know" is because their knowledge about me doesn't affect their nursing/medical care. If it's "the patient's right to know," then that must mean that I must give them details about my personal life, something that I don't think they're entitled to as a patient receiving care.

Actually it is their right to know. If they don't want a black male gay nurse, that is their right. How do they know that you're male? they can look at you, they can ask you. How do they know you're black? they can look at you, they can ask you. How do they know you're gay? They can look at you, they can ask you. Whether you want to answer those questions is up to you, but you can't deny that they have a right to choose who they want to care for them. They do. Racist patients do it, and homophobic patients do it. Fact is, if someone asks whether you're gay, and you say you don't want to answer it, you've basically answered it. Otherwise, you'd be lying if you say you aren't. Now it's your choice whether you want to lie to your patients and the trust is gone, or be up front with them so there is mutual understanding.

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NuGuyNurse2b said:
Actually it is their right to know.

Wrong, wrong, 100% incorrect. The patient absolutely does not have the legal right to KNOW the sexual orientation of their healthcare provider. Find me the law, act, title, code, etc. that says a patient has the legal right to know the sexual orientation of the nurse caring for them.

NuGuyNurse2b said:
...you can't deny that they have a right to choose who they want to care for them. They do. Racist patients do it, and homophobic patients do it.

Dude. This is off point. Of course patients can choose who to receive care from. Patients "fire" nurses/doctors/other staff all the time. But this is an entirely different issue than the RIGHT to know personal details about their healthcare provider. So I'm not sure why you switched gears on me.

NuGuyNurse2b said:
Fact is, if someone asks whether you're gay, and you say you don't want to answer it, you've basically answered it. Otherwise, you'd be lying if you say you aren't. Now it's your choice whether you want to lie to your patients and the trust is gone, or be up front with them so there is mutual understanding.

If a patient asks if I'm gay, I can either say yes, no, I don't know/maybe, or give them silence (any other options?). Giving them silence, in contrast to what you said, is not an answer. Again, I'm not sure what you were trying to get at.

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Tacomaboy3 said:
Wrong, wrong, 100% incorrect. The patient absolutely does not have the legal right to KNOW the sexual orientation of their healthcare provider. Find me the law, act, title, code, etc. that says a patient has the legal right to know the sexual orientation of the nurse caring for them.

Dude. This is off point. Of course patients can choose who to receive care from. Patients "fire" nurses/doctors/other staff all the time. But this is an entirely different issue than the RIGHT to know personal details about their healthcare provider. So I'm not sure why you switched gears on me.

If a patient asks if I'm gay, I can either say yes, no, I don't know/maybe, or give them silence (any other options?). Giving them silence, in contrast to what you said, is not an answer. Again, I'm not sure what you were trying to get at.

Patient's rights are posted everywhere. If they do not want you as a nurse, they have the option to request a different nurse. The reason for doing so may not jive with you, but you are the one who's wrong. And my examples have everything to do with what we are talking about. Nobody is "switching gears" on you; what I'm doing is called an analogy. And silence is an answer, whether you choose to accept it as one is obviously not your cup of tea, but the saying that "silence speaks volumes" is in fact applicable to many cases.

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NuGuyNurse2b said:
Patient's rights are posted everywhere. If they do not want you as a nurse, they have the option to request a different nurse. The reason for doing so may not jive with you, but you are the one who's wrong. And my examples have everything to do with what we are talking about. Nobody is "switching gears" on you; what I'm doing is called an analogy. And silence is an answer, whether you choose to accept it as one is obviously not your cup of tea, but the saying that "silence speaks volumes" is in fact applicable to many cases.

Sigh. I suppose you still don't understand. Also, you provided no analogy. Lol.

I'll leave it at this: A patient does not have the right to know their nurse's sexual orientation. Sure, the patient can suspect and even ask, but the nurse is not bound by law to disclose it to him or her.

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Specializes in Pediatric Critical Care.
NuGuyNurse2b said:
I think it is somewhat of their business. If it's something they feel strongly about (or against), they have the right to know. If a female patient can request a female nurse rather than a male nurse, I think it extends to sexual orientation as well. I do not advertise my sexual orientation to my patients, but if they should ask, I inform them and ask if they are OK with it. If they are, great, if not, we work something out. This is about the patient, it's not about any of us. I'm there to care for their medical needs, not change their viewpoints.

Is it "okay" for a patient to say that they don't want a black nurse? An Asian nurse? What about a nurse who is a Jehovah's witness? What about an overweight nurse? What if they only which to be cared for by nurses who are married? Should those requests be catered to as well? Of course patients can request whatever they want, but is the hospital ethically bound to accommodate it if they are able?

What about outside of the hospital? If you do not want to be served food by a black person (or Jehovah's witness, or gay, or overweight, or single person) at Olive Garden, should you be able to request a different waitress? Or it is okay for the restaurant to decline to have you as a customer?

I saw that you responded to the "black" and "male" categories already, but I'd really love to hear some viewpoints on this, either from you or anyone else who cares to share. Its an honest question asked from a position of intellectual curiosity about other viewpoints.

(I digress. My post has gone off topic, sorry!)

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Specializes in CCU, SICU, CVSICU, Precepting & Teaching.

Patients have the right to know your first and last names, your licensure and your role on their health care team. Anything else is none of their business. In most cases, they can SEE your race and perhaps (if you wear rings) your marital status, but that doesn't mean they have the right to ask your race or your marital status. They can also ask about your family -- sometimes it's just small talk and sometimes maybe they're fishing. But they don't actually have a right to know about your family beyond what you're willing to share. They also have the right to refuse your care because they don't like Black people or fat people or people who have reached adulthood without acquiring wedding bands or the nurse who looks just like their ex-husband or his bimbo girlfriend. Most patients are more savvy than to state up front that they don't like white people or Catholics or whatever and to instead say they don't like the nurse because she was rough or he lacks compassion or some such, but they have the right to "fire" you as their nurse for whatever stupid reason they come up with. (Unfortunately, we don't have the right to refuse care for those same reasons.) But if the nursing unit doesn't have a nurse of the specified race, gender, religion, marital status or ability to be tolerant of assininity, the patient will have to either make due with the nurse they get or decide to take their business elsewhere.

Your sexuality is nothing that the patient has any right to know about. If you don't wish to share that with them, don't. You don't have to go through elaborate gyrations to keep your sexuality from them -- just don't make that kind of small talk. It is perfectly acceptable to turn around their questions on them. "I'm not married; but tell me how long you and your spouse have been together." Or "I'm married/not married and we're in the process of looking for a house. Isn't it shocking what mortgage rates are doing these days?" Or even, "Oh, I'm not here to talk about me. Tell me, how did you meet your spouse?"

I'm not really understanding why any of this should even be an issue.

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