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So I asked my mother if she could co-sign on a loan with me today because she has great credit and because I just got an e-bill in the mail yesterday saying that I still owe the school $5,234 for my tuition and fees. It was a pretty big surprise and a setback for me because I thought that my two scholarships would covered it all.
Nope, I'm in the hole. But long story short my mother told me she will absolutely not co-sign on a student loan with me because it will garnish all her wages and she doesn't want to go into college debt for me. And I have no one else to ask in my family because my grandmother has bad credit and my father is not in my life to ask him.
I don't have a job and never had one before, so I'm just freaking out now on what should I do.
My mother has always been this way( she didn't even want to fill out the fafsa for me because she didn't want them having her SSN). I tried joining NROTC a year ago when I was still in HS so they can give me a really great scholarship, but my mother wouldn't allow that either. I couldn't even get a job because my mother had let my driver's permit expire so I wasn't able to obtain a car to get to work everyday, even though I had about 3 job offers at the time.
Now I'm afraid she's trying to take away my future of becoming a nurse as well. She even suggested for me to wait until I'm 24 when I can become independent to apply for the fafsa or just go get a bachelors in early education and wait to become a nurse. But I don't want to wait.
What should I do?
(I'm sorry for my long post and me renting as well).
Your mother is unfortunately correct. This is the only loan I would NEVER co-sign for my children.You can't bankrupt a student loan...ever. If something happens to you they came after her and she has no recourse.
Most government loans do not require a co-signer...are you taking out a private loan?
But in order to get that government loan, she needs her mom to provide her tax information of the FAFSA, which the mother is unwilling to do.
Here's my line of thinking. The 80s were a different world. College was not as much of a priority as it is today, and it was still possible to obtain a decent job without a college education. Today, the majority of people need a college education to succeed. Minimum wage has not risen at the same rate that cost of living has risen, so getting a car, insurance, housing, and paying for school is simply not possible for many minimum wage workers. This girl wants to go to college. She wants to get that education so that she can support herself. All her mom needs to do it provide her tax info on the FAFSA--she doesn't have to cosign on a single loan for her daughter to have the privilege of attending school. I'm sorry, but I just cannot agree with a parent who would withhold opportunity from her child. It just makes no sense.
OP, talk to your school; you also can get a job through Work Study in order to get some money.
I'm with Commuter on being mixed feelings on this one; I too lived in a household with outdated thinking, so I totally get her point.
I forgone a full ride with a direct line to a nursing program because my mother's thinking and my in ability to start in the summer at this university-tuition and board paid for 4 years. I would be a nurse practitioner now if I had did that; however, my journey from unit secretary/ER tech, to LPN to BSN took me 12 years of schooling, but it shaped me to be a better nurse; sometimes our linear/step thinking (if that makes sense) gives one such tunnel vision that one doesn't look to the outside experiences that will help us shape our lives better than ever imagined.
My mom realized her misstep in her "support" of me and has since apologized; our relationship has gotten better, but life experiences that I have endure and therapy helped with all that. :)
Best wishes.
I know exactly how you feel, I had a mother that who was so preoccupied with advancing her own interests, it sometimes shot me in the foot. First thing you do is recognize the situation and move on. You know she won't hand you a damn thing so stop waiting for her to do so.
Take responsibility for yourself, stop comparing yourself to your peers and their family situations. It might take you longer to accomplish your goals independently, but take it from someone who did just that, it will feel awesome when you do! Emancipate yourself from her in every way possible including legally and financially.
You can find a job somehow, there really isn't a valid excuse. I grew up in the middle of the mountains with no car or public transit so I paid coworkers for rides until I saved enough for a POS car myself. I had my friends mother take me to the DMV because my mom refused.
I moved out on my own when I was 17 into the crappiest apartment ever, but it was all mine (and much closer to work!).
I paid my way through school with 0 financial support from my mother, and so can you. If you want it bad enough. It will mean working your butt off when it seems like your friends are getting everything handed to them on a plate. Oh well. You don't know their struggles, they don't know yours. Get over it.
Making excuses on your mother's back only hurts you. You don't choose your parents, but you do choose your own path in this life.
If you fail to accomplish your goal of becoming a nurse, it is nobodies fault but your own.
I could not obtain federal student loans in my late teens and early 20s because my parents refused to provide their financial information for the FAFSA. The OP is in the same situation: her mother will not provide the information, so she cannot complete the FAFSA.Most government loans do not require a co-signer...are you taking out a private loan?
In the US, a student is considered dependent until age 24. They could be living on their own since age 16, but that doesn't matter in the eyes of the government. The only way to change one's status to independent is through early marriage, becoming a parent, joining the military, or legal emancipation after having been a ward of the state.
If a dependent student lacks the information to complete the FAFSA, s/he is basically out of luck unless s/he has a baby, marries young, or is eligible to enlist in the military.
I feel bad people are harping on your about you blaming your mom for the permit, if anything that's probably the only thing she is at fault for. Doesn't a parent have to sign for an underage person to get their license? I think so.
You will probably just have to wait to join ROTC in December. Much better idea than waiting until you are 24. However, there is a part in fasfa you can fill out if your parents are supporting you at all, this might help you get more.
While OP's mother has no obligation to co-sign, the amount of fasfa loans awarded is based of the parent's income and the GOVERNMENT assumes the parents are contributing a percentage.
I hope everyone read my last post that we don't know the mother and what is going on there. I said she could be a great parent or horrible parent. Plus, the OP inferred a lot about what her mother wanted her to do based on individual comments.
Her mother suggested waiting until she was considered independent to go file FAFSA. Op assumed it was because she wanted her to watch her siblings. Her mother did not say she could not go because this was what she had to do. Also, since the OP does not understand financial ad, what makes you think the mom does? Maybe the OP presented it as I need your tax info so you can co-sign my student loans. There are too many things at play here.
I also stated that I am not an expert on FA, but I do know I was able to receive federal loans before 24, before being married, I could not qualify for grants and the process I was able to obtain.
I will restate the OP got prematurely upset by seeing a computer generated bill on her school's website. She has figured things out in her own. I will not take back though about she is not entitled to her mom's tax info or access to her credit. Driving is also a privilege, and not a right. At no time did the OP say her mom told her she could not obtain a job because she is having to be Cinderella at home. Those are inferences people in here are making.
I had a discussion years ago with my son's school principal when they wanted to hold him back in kindergarten. I said no and that would essentially be taking away a year of his adult life. He then showed me articles that said it would be positive for him to be in my home under my care until 26. Yes, 26!!! I was flabbergasted. I just don't subscribe to that train of thought. I was raised to be independent and to take care of myself. My parents raised 3 children who are all productive members of society. None of us have been in trouble with the law, don't do drugs, and contribute to society in good ways. We are all hardworking people who are polite and well-mannered. We learned early on nothing is given to us in life. Our parents were loving and caring who put their family first, as me and my siblings do now. I guess I really don't see the issues with that.
It's harsh, I know, but you have to stop playing the victim. The only one holding you back is you. You can emancipate yourself so that you can get other scholarships and loans. Learn to drive, even if you have to take public transit there and borrow a car. Get a job. If you REALLY want this, you'll let nothing stop you.
Reading a lot of these comments, I think people missed the part where the OP said she wasn't 18 yet. Making any kind of decisions, whether it's getting a job, joining an organization, etc. is hard when you're 17 and don't have your parent's permission. But then, it also begs me to ask two other questions, which some have touched on.
1) Is it possible that your mother is worried about spending money when you're unsure if this is what you actually want? At 17, when I started college (community college, because my mother wouldn't let me go to a four year school at 17), I wanted to major in biology. By the time I went to a four year school, I decided I wanted to major in literature, which I did, and accrued some debt doing so (even with scholarships, and my parents took on about $10k of debt for this, although I do not regret this, and neither do they, because I do still write a lot in my spare time and have gotten some fiction published). At 20, I decided I wanted to be a nurse, and I did that. I'm so very grateful that I had my parents' support. They took on about $25k for my education, which I'm grateful they did, because despite a 3.99 GPA, being in student organizations and student government, and having a job, I would not have been able to afford tuition and boarding on my own. But the point is that a 17 year old rarely knows what to do. And if you've been jumpy on career options, your mom might be concerned about paying for something you abandon.
2) Why are you worried about your dream being impossible at 17? Community college tuition is like $3k/semester. You could work and make those payments on your own. And you could get an ADN. And then do a bridge program. ADNs and BSNs literally do the same work on the floor. My badge doesn't say "BSN, RN." It says "Registered Nurse II," and when I started, it said "Registered Nurse I". If you want to do community, public health, or management, you need a BSN, but I'd be wary of anyone who would want to give you that kind of responsibility out of the gate, even with your BSN. Furthermore, I'm taking the last of my pre-reqs to apply to med school. I'm 24 and hope to start when I'm 26, the age when most people are graduating med school. Do I care that I'm going to be starting four years later than others? That's a big, fat, giant "no." Dreams don't have age ranges. One of my favorite gastroenterologists started at 28! At 17, if you're giving up on your 'dream,' then that shows me a giant lack of maturity, and it might be the reason your mom is so hesitant to put financial stakes in you. Sorry if that's harsh, but come on.
Jory, MSN, APRN, CNM
1,486 Posts
Your mother is unfortunately correct. This is the only loan I would NEVER co-sign for my children.
You can't bankrupt a student loan...ever. If something happens to you they came after her and she has no recourse.
Most government loans do not require a co-signer...are you taking out a private loan?