Balancing Nursing School and a Boyfriend

Nurses General Nursing

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I know that this may not be a life crisis, but decided I would ask fellow nursing students how they would deal with my situation. I am in my first quarter of nursing school, as all of you may know, it is extremely stressful and time consuming. I have been with my boyfriend for nearly 4 years, and throughout the years we have made plans together about our future. I feel that he has been very supportive of me, up until I actually started school. I feel that we are slowly growing apart, which really hurts. I've told him numerous times that my success is his success and that all of my hard work will pay of in the end for our future together. This is something much easier said than done. He tells me all of the time that he feels neglected, and I can't help but feel frustrated that I am not getting any support or understanding from him. I feel like no one knows how I feel, I am torn. I find myself wanting to see him less and less each day (we do not live together). Long ago (when I didn't have to study 24/7) we would spend pretty much all of our time together and would be sad with one day apart. We would be home bodies. I feel that since I've started school his priorities and interests have changed drastically. I am more of a homebody and not interested in clubbing or partying and NOW he is... I don't know what to do anymore... Is it time to give up on my relationship or should I work harder to make it work?? I feel so worn out from school that I don't have any energy for a boyfriend, but I would be lost without him.. What to do?? :crying2:

You would not be lost without him-I've been there.

I had a boyfriend (we had dated for more than 3 years) in college-he didn't like that college was taking time away from him-he wasn't in college. He wanted me to quit school-I said no and it took courage but I broke up with him-best decision I made. This what I needed to do-maybe an adult discussion with your boyfriend will assist the situation.

good luck!

otessa

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Specializes in Acute Mental Health.

My :twocents: is to tell you to keep your eyes on the prize. Nursing school takes a toll on your relationship for sure. It's difficult. I thought my Honey was sooooo different and boy I couldn't have been more wrong. I went part time so I could be mom and wifey. I wish I would have told his no good cheating butt to take a long walk! He couldn't handle playing third (children 1st, school 2nd, and him 3rd). He had to cheat almost the whole time. I found out during my last semester. I managed to graduate, with honors, and now he tells me how sorry he is and how he wants to work it all out. I struggle with this but know I have a degree and can make it on my own if and when I decide. Ball is in my court now.

Keep your eyes on the prize!! Good luck

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Like someone else mentioned... nobody understands what we go through in nursing school unless they are in it themselves. Sometimes we lose friends, or boyfriends/girlfriends. One of my classmates even was going through a divorce by the end of the year of LPN school. My first nursing school teacher warned us that if we are currently in a relationship, that nursing school will make or break it. Your boyfriend may not understand... but if he is not willing to support you during this time in order for you to accomplish your goals and for the two of you to have a happy life together, then it's not going to work. I wasn't in a relationship at the time, but I did lose a couple friends... though most of them stuck with me. And at the end, I knew that those were my friends for life. I also made great new friends in nursing school. Anyway, I'm getting off topic... there's not really much you can do if you have already explained it all to him. He's either going to have to support you through this... or you break up with him... or you quit school. You have to decide what's more important in your life... and I hope that nursing is what you choose.

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Specializes in Acute Care Psych, DNP Student.
I feel that since I've started school his priorities and interests have changed drastically. I am more of a homebody and not interested in clubbing or partying and NOW he is... I don't know what to do anymore... Is it time to give up on my relationship or should I work harder to make it work?? I feel so worn out from school that I don't have any energy for a boyfriend, but I would be lost without him.. What to do?? :crying2:

Nothing good ever comes of clubbing and partying. It's a shallow, non-productive, and damaging lifestyle. Personally, I would talk to him once, and if he did not communicate well and then promptly change his behavior, I'd get rid of him. Also, you don't need a boyfriend at all times. You might feel lost at first, but then you'll be just fine. Boyfriends are temporary, but a degree endures your entire life.

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It's your FIRST quarter of school! If he can't be supportive of you and your goals for ONE QUARTER...how's he going to deal with actual hard things that may happen in your lives if you stay together? SHEESH!

Thank your lucky stars that you are seeing this now, rather than years down the line after you have kids, a mortgage, a car that needs repairs, family members that need your help, or gravity takes a toll on your body parts.

When a person shows you his/her true colors and character, believe it the first time. You don't need to drag someone into adulthood.

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Specializes in NICU.
Nothing good ever comes of clubbing and partying. It's a shallow, non-productive, and damaging lifestyle. Personally, I would talk to him once, and if he did not communicate well and then promptly change his behavior, I'd get rid of him. Also, you don't need a boyfriend at all times. You might feel lost at first, but then you'll be just fine. Boyfriends are temporary, but a degree endures your entire life.

I don't agree with this. Life is all about balance and there is absolutely nothing wrong with attending a party or club every once in a while. Some people attend broadway shows/plays or kick rocks to relieve stress, and others choose to enjoy a good party every now and then. There's nothing wrong with that as long as it's done in moderation and a healthy balance between pleasure and business.

Like everyone said, if your boyfriend can't be supportive then truthfully, he's not worth it. A good boyfriend is supposed to support you 100% and be there when you need. Some people just can't take it when their significant other is doing productive things and is about to become somebody in the world and they..well, aren't doing the same. Jealousy and insecurity sneaks their way in, some guys think oh well she's gonna have this or that she's not gonna need me anymore and gradually they start to drift. One thing I've learned, boys are NOT worth destroying your future over. Your education will be with you forever, boys will not.

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My :twocents: is to tell you to keep your eyes on the prize. Nursing school takes a toll on your relationship for sure. It's difficult. I thought my Honey was sooooo different and boy I couldn't have been more wrong. I went part time so I could be mom and wifey. I wish I would have told his no good cheating butt to take a long walk! He couldn't handle playing third (children 1st, school 2nd, and him 3rd). He had to cheat almost the whole time. I found out during my last semester. I managed to graduate, with honors, and now he tells me how sorry he is and how he wants to work it all out. I struggle with this but know I have a degree and can make it on my own if and when I decide. Ball is in my court now.

Keep your eyes on the prize!! Good luck

:mad: :angthts:

:hug: to you for your accomplishments.

But now that the grueling schooling is over & the money could start coming in instead, he's sorry & wants to cooperate....

Please think of the possibilities that if this man could do such a thing once, at a time when you needed his support & cooperation most, he could most certainly do it again. Don't sell yourself short on a good partner.

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Specializes in Med Surg.

You know, having this issue surface now may be a blessing in disguise. If this is his attitude during your FIRST semester, how will he be once you are actually a nurse? How will he like you working weekends and holidays? You may have to work nights or be on call. You won't always be there for weddings, funerals, birthdays, anniversaries, etc. How will he be about taking care of any possible kids while you work the weird hours nurses work? Yes, I know that there are nursing jobs that have "normal" schedules but they aren't that easy to find.

You've been with this guy for quite a while now. Better to get this settled NOW rather than invest a lot more time and effort into a situation that might only get worse the farther you go. Just one male opinion.

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we would spend pretty much all of our time together and would be sad with one day apart.

welcome to reality, no couple that has jobs, kids, etc can spend that much time together or even see each other every day. sounds like you're young, what you're experiencing is part of growing up (reality) and growing apart from someone that you've been in an unrealistic/unsustainable relationship with.

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The nursing license you obtain as a result of completing nursing school successfully may be your salvation some day when you need to support yourself and your significant other is not around for whatever reason. Significant others may come and they may go, but the nursing license will always be there if you need it, as long as you don't do anything to have it suspended or revoked. Put your efforts where they need to be now, nursing school. More energy can safely be expended on relationships once nursing school is a memory.

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I was thinking about the OP's comment that they previously spent all their time together. Well, so did my hubby and I prior to my coming to nursing school. We've been married a long time and raised a bunch of kids together, but he always knew that going back to school was a dream for me and when the time was right, he was ready to support that dream. Even when I moved over 5 hours' drive away from home to continue my education, he was right there for me. We visit as much as possible when weekends allow and I go home for all breaks, but it's been hard.

The difference is that we've had YEARS of ups and downs together and we know each other's characters through thick & thin.

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