Balancing Nursing School and a Boyfriend

[averie123]

I know that this may not be a life crisis, but decided I would ask fellow nursing students how they would deal with my situation. I am in my first quarter of nursing school, as all of you may know, it is extremely stressful and time consuming. I have been with my boyfriend for nearly 4 years, and throughout the years we have made plans together about our future. I feel that he has been very supportive of me, up until I actually started school. I feel that we are slowly growing apart, which really hurts. I've told him numerous times that my success is his success and that all of my hard work will pay of in the end for our future together. This is something much easier said than done. He tells me all of the time that he feels neglected, and I can't help but feel frustrated that I am not getting any support or understanding from him. I feel like no one knows how I feel, I am torn. I find myself wanting to see him less and less each day (we do not live together). Long ago (when I didn't have to study 24/7) we would spend pretty much all of our time together and would be sad with one day apart. We would be home bodies. I feel that since I've started school his priorities and interests have changed drastically. I am more of a homebody and not interested in clubbing or partying and NOW he is... I don't know what to do anymore... Is it time to give up on my relationship or should I work harder to make it work?? I feel so worn out from school that I don't have any energy for a boyfriend, but I would be lost without him.. What to do??

[samyaira]

While I agree with the previous posters that nursing school needs to be your #1 priority, life is not all nursing school and you need to find a balance that works for you.

One thing that worked for me and my boyfriend was agreeing that Saturday nights were "our" nights. It was a compromise because he wanted more time I could barely swing even one night each week. That lasted for about 6 months.

When does your first quarter end? You may find there's a light at the end of the tunnel because of a schedule change. At the very least, there's always summer - right?

[rn4ever?]

I would like to just think of things this way: Nursing school may eventually give you a stable job and career-----thus, it could pay your bills, you could save money to buy anything you like or for your retirement one day. It gives you stability. A boyfriend meanwhile, doesn't really offer you a stable job, career, or money.....but even if he did, he could easily replace you if he wanted to and you might be left with nothing. What do you think?

[michelle2369]

I have kind of been in your boyfriend's shoes. I was with my boyfriend for over a year and we were inseperable...and then he decided to go back to school to become a PA. I saw him once a week for a few hours if I was lucky. It almost broke us up because I felt neglected. We managed to get through it and I'm happy we have. It's been over 5 years and now I'm going back to school for nursing. He supports me and understands the demand of the schooling. So my advice drop him...if he isn't supporting you now through school. . .who knows how it will turn out later on in life. I do know that it is easier said then done. You need to take care of yourself, you won't have time to stress over a relationship while in school. Sit him down, set him strait, give him the option to support you or not.

[sunnycalifRN]

Nursing school is not a time for whining boyfriends . . . sorry to be so blunt. When I went through nursing school, my wife of 24 yrs had to put up with my 24/7 studying and she did it with minimal complaint. But, I owed her BIG TIME when I finally finished and started working.

[moonchildLPN82]

He is probably jealous of you because you know what you want to do in life and he doesn't so he's trying to drag you back down to his level. Don't let him. Maybe he needs to be encouraged to find something to pursue for the furture as well. I just finished nursing school but I'm married, have a 3 year old and worked full time the whole time so I know how stressful it is on everyone. He needs to understand you are working towards your future and if he wants to be in it he needs to get serious with his life and quit partying so much and try to find something to do with his life otherwise you will probably just end up supporting him like his mom if you stay with him and he continues like that.

[milobust]

I went throught the exact same situation. I tried really hard the first year to meet his needs... and I had to repeat my second med-surg coorifice! So after that I focused on my needs because HE wasnt gonna give me a degree. I ended up acing my critical care course with an A, made an awesome score on my exit HESI and completing my NCLEX at 75 questions by putting him on the back burner after learning my lesson. He didnt like it for about a year and a half but he stuck around and NOW I have my RN license ( he has no degree BTW ). Dont fail a course to learn a lesson, tell him to grow up and realize what it takes to be a grown up.

[DirtyBlackSocks]

If he cares about you as much as he says he does, he won't let this get in the way of your relationship.

If he's too short sighted to see that you're developing a future for yourself, then you're better off without him.

People who want to party all the time are still in a very immature mind set. If he can't catch up to your level of maturity it might be time to move on.

There's more to life than getting drunk with friends and bar hopping on weekends, as you'll soon find out when you graduate and pull in a real living.

[TheSquire, DNP, APRN, NP]

From the male nursing student side of the equation - school comes first. Period. Give your significant other the time that you can, but you need to make clear from the beginning that school comes first, and reinforce that message as often as you have to. If they can understand and deal with that, then keep 'em around. If they can't, then tell them that you can't give them what they need/want and you'll understand if they go.

[imenid37]

There are times in your life when as a spouse or boyfriend/girlfriend you do not come first. Accepting that is part of being an adult. My daughter had a chronic illness for many years. Often my husbnd felt neglected. He went to college for two years full-time (sponsored by his job). My daughter was still ill and I felt neglected. We both got over it. It doesn't mean either of us liked it. We did what we had to do. Either your BF will realize that your situation is temporary and necessary while you are in school or the relationship will end. This could be a time for him to take a class. he could work extra and save money. He could start an exercise program. He could really score points and help you with cleaning or make sure your car gets the oil changed, etc. because you do not ave time to do it. As someone else said, a mature person learns that they are not always the #1 priority. An immature one finds another situation where they are #1. Nursing school is rough BUT it is not the only rough point in life. There will probably be many more if you stay together as a couple. I wish you success and happiness!

[NickB]

He's just a boyfriend. I have a wife and kid and am able to do it. Tell that dude to take a hike. If he can't handle or respect your decision, you're not going to want to be married to him anyway. He'll be even worse later in life.

[nursinger]

You have to ask him to please respect your decision to become a nurse. If he can't, then he's has to go. There's plenty of men out there who will respect your decision. He's either going with you or he's not, but your future is yours and yours alone and you do what you have to do to secure it. Remember you are #1. Sorry to be so harsh, but sometimes you have to be cruel to be kind. Good luck.

[DirtyBlackSocks]

How old are you, anyway, averie?

If you don't mind me asking.