Bad Day!!!

[Magsulfate]

I got relief today to come home because I was crying so bad, I couldn't help it! I tried to calm down and finish my shift out, but I couldn't. Something happened in our ICU that upset me. A male nurse was mad at me about the assignment and was yelling at me in front of everyone slamming a book down and treating me badly. Our manager had to come in and she really didn't resolve the situation. I told her I understood what I did wrong and will fix it, but the fact that I WAS YELLED AT and treated in a DEMEANING MANNER by a coworker, in front of EVERYONE,, she didn't care about that!!! The assignment I gave the male nurse, ultimately, was the easiest one that we had today. Before he even walked in the door, he had his easy assignment. What he was mad about was the fact that he ALMOST had a bad assignment. It didn't matter to him that I had changed it to the easy one (before he even got there, late of course) it mattered that I ALMOST gave him a bad assignment. He's the boss's little pet too.

Let me add that I often have to come up with the assignment for our shift (the night shift is suppose to do it) because most of the time, the night shift doesn't "have time", like today. I am the only charge nurse our unit has, but there was no charge assignment today. I am treated like a charge nurse by the nurses there, even when I have two patients and am not the charge nurse. I am the default 'resource person' because no one else wants to do it, or they are too new to do it. I don't mind doing it for the most part, because I believe that everyone needs help sometime and we should all work as a team.

Anyway, This incident was not the first thing that cued me to get a new job and I actually landed a really good job and start in a week. I gave my notice almost two weeks ago, but the manager BEGGED me to stay until the end of this schedule which is january 18th. She begged me so much that I finally gave in and came to the conclusion that I would have two full time jobs for a month!

The good thing that was in it for me was that I would not have a month lapse in insurance, that I would have, if I left at my two weeks notice.

But now, as I sit here and think about it more, I don't even want to go back to that place!! ( was going to stay on as PRN) My best friend at work quit there two weeks ago, suddenly, because the boss wouldn't stop picking on her and trying to find things she did wrong. She would look at her hourly charting and if she was an hour behind charting the I & O's then she would write her up!! This manager is loud and obnoxious, she won't let you talk, she talks over you and when you try to say something she is demeaning and tells you "I'M NOT TALKING OVER YOU! SO STOP TALKING OVER ME!~! "

I tried to tell her how I felt about the communication issue, but she doesn't seem to understand it at all. My point of view is WRONG of course. In every instance, no matter what the deal is,, ,,, she is right and everyone else is wrong.

I have been afraid to tell anyone in upper management about this manager and what she does because I have seen her scheme and retaliate against other nurses, and those other nurses usually end up getting fired or quitting because of the work environment. But, as soon as I am no longer employed by this hospital, I feel like I should write the CEO and upper management with all of my concerns. I will include the fact that I was scared of retaliation because I've seen her make remarks about retaliating. Not saying the actual word 'retaliate', but say stuff like "she will regret this' or "haha, we'll see about this!"... just things that a manager should not be saying. And to back it up, those nurses that "told on her" no longer work for us. And there are SEVERAL.

But then again, I tell myself,, maybe I should just put that all behind me and be done with it. Will writing a letter like that really help? I Don't know.

I also didn't have the guts to tell my husband what happened today, but I am going to let him read this as soon as I'm finished. This is how bad I felt today.

[Magsulfate, BSN, RN]

Thank you all for the words of encouragement and advice. I think you are right, they are getting petty and acting weird around me because I put my notice in. It was still bad before, but now even worse. Like they don't even care if I'm happy with my job and it shows in their actions.

I called in this morning, before 3am (the cut off time) and the night charge nurse apparently has already gotten wind of what happened yesterday. She said on the phone "You CAN'T call in. You HAVE TO COME TO WORK!" and I said, "I'm sick, I can't work sick", and she kept on saying how I MUST come to work, etc,,,, real mean like, I've never heard this woman talk like this. I finally said "No, I DON"T have to come in to work, because I'm sick,,, call an agency nurse, call the nurse manager, figure it out, but I'm not coming to work sick." Silently laughing inside because they cannot do this to me any longer!! It feels so good. I don't know if I'll go back on Tuesday, my next day to work, or if I'll just start up with my new job and quit this one... we'll see.

[CheyRN]

There is this lady that use to be the unit manager at my mom's job. She is a mean. One day she yelled at this nurse. They find the nurse in the basement dead from a heart attack. No one did anything or said anything. But everyone knew why the lady died. A few months later the unit manager's son committed suicide. Some people are so mean. If someone had said something to upper management or if she had gotten sued or something her son would still be alive.Friends' of the unit manager stated that her son committed suicide because she drove him to it which is not hard to believe base on what she put the employees through on a daily basis.

Sorry to highjack the highjack . I worked for a nurse manager that was truly one of the most evil people I have ever met. Several years after escaping her torment, I learned that her husband had committed suicide and my first thought was "What took him so long!". Toxic situations don't get better, they continue to get worse with those "in control" spiraling even faster OUT OF CONTROL. Take your vacation/sick/personal leave and run for your sanity.

[classicdame, MSN, EdD]

Don't return. Your mental health is worth more than that. I would call HR first though to let them know that, instead of suing the hospital, manager and co-worker for harrassment, you will not be returning. Make sure they put that in your record. Something you said troubled me. You said you were afraid to tell your husband. Taken with the incident you described at work it sounds like you need some confidence building. Look into that as a new year's resolution. You don't owe people misery just to keep from them hearing bad news. Good luck in your next job!

[Magsulfate, BSN, RN]

Don't return. Your mental health is worth more than that. I would call HR first though to let them know that, instead of suing the hospital, manager and co-worker for harrassment, you will not be returning. Make sure they put that in your record. Something you said troubled me. You said you were afraid to tell your husband. Taken with the incident you described at work it sounds like you need some confidence building. Look into that as a new year's resolution. You don't owe people misery just to keep from them hearing bad news. Good luck in your next job!

You are absolutely right about this. I have been working on this for a little while. I was a little mad at myself yesterday for not having more confidence and not being able to stop crying. I guess it is a lesson learned and if something like this happens to me again, I'll be more prepared to handle it the way that I should. Thats why I love coming here, you all are helping me with my confidence. I can be confident on this board, because it is anonymous to the extent that you want it to be. But, even reading other people's threads has helped me a lot. It gave me the courage to start this thread.

[wonderbee, BSN, RN]

It's called horizontal violence. It is not to be tolerated. To be honest, I didn't read the whole post because it doesn't matter. There is never an excuse for that kind of behavior, no matter what you did or what you were perceived to have done.

[abundantjoy07, RN]

It is wonderful that you have another job waiting for you...that's a definate blessing.

When your exit interview comes be honest about your experience. For my last job I had an exit interview about how horrible I thought the manager was. The HR person interviewing me made a call during the interview to relate what I was saying to a higher up person. Well, about 2 weeks after I left that job I got word from a previous coworker that the manager was terminated and escorted out of the building by security.

Sometimes you making a small splash in a pond can create widespread ripples of positive change.

[WSUCougarBSN]

Gross... I hate it when there is a "pet" in the class. Well, I honestly hope you feel better. Keep your head up! :-)

[SDS_RN, RN]

WTH would he even yell at u for anyways he got the easier assignement. What a jerk--I certainly would not want to work w/ someone like that and certainly not a manager who would not stick up for you in a situation such as that. I'm sorry that happened to you. I think you should resign right away and look forward to new and better things for yourself in your new job. Good luck.

[newohiorn, BSN, RN, EMT-P]

I think you should relate your complaints about the manager in your exit interview and/or in a letter to the higher ups. I know most of the time it doesn't seem to help but you never know if all the other people who quit or were fired wrote letters too and maybe yours will be the one where someone says--hey, all these people who left said the exact same thing about this manager so maybe they're all telling the truth. You just never know. If you don't tell anyone nothing will change--it may not change even if you speak up but at least it might.

Also, I love, love, love it that you called in and stood your ground that you didn't have to come in. You said it made you feel good--made me feel good too! Good for you.

[Magsulfate, BSN, RN]

Thanks everyone for the advice. I decided that I really didn't want to go back to a place where the people would treat me like this and I went ahead and resigned. I start my new job next week, but I will be calling to see if I can start early, if not, then I'll just have a weeks vacation!

It's kinda sad because I really grew close to some of the people I worked with. I just couldn't bring myself to go back in there. It's a terrible feeling. But it does make me feel a little better knowing that I do have the power to get a new job. Thats the one thing about nursing. I can only imagine working in a career that you can't find another job in, and you're stuck in a bad place indefinantly!

Life is good! Thanks everyone :)

[HouTx, BSN, MSN, EdD]

EastTexas-

What you have experienced is called "lateral violence" - emotional threats and intimidation from a co-worker. The fact that your manager ended up contributing to the problem makes it even worse. This is very serious and you should not subject yourself to this environment a second longer than you have to. I am so glad you have already found another job. Don't feel bad about causing a staffing problem - you didn't create it, the manager did.

You may not be able to change things, but I think it is an absolute moral imperitive to take action rather than letting it go. At the very least, contact the Human Resources department and make sure that they know what is going on. This situation you describe is a classic 'hostile workplace' - and makes the company very vulnerable to lawsuits from harrassed employees. You may even want to provide your information in the form of a registered letter so you will have a record that they received it.

I hope you can put this behind you quickly - what a horrible experience. (((((((hugs)))))

[meadow85]

Detroit Trauma :i know what you mean. its in my nature to take a breather and think things over before i respond and by then i think its so petty that's its not even worth my time so i let it slide. maybe they will realize how stupid they acted. i also like to think that karma will find its way around. but your right, i should be more assertive and address the issue. put people in their place much like you did