Back-handed compliments

[SharonH, RN]

Or perhaps the title of this thread should be "how to accept a compliment graciously".

Some of the men at work have started referring to me and one of the other nurses as "doc". (I work in an office building). They'll say "Hey, doc" or "there's my doc"; that sort of thing. They know full well we're nurses, in fact some of us are on a first-name basis. They mean it as a compliment you see; they're letting us know how much they think of us and our skills by giving us a "promotion" so to speak. One guy said it was his way of showing gratitude and that we carried ourselves better than nurses. I cheerily correct them whenever they do this but a couple of them were put out that I didn't accept their compliment. I know they mean well, but I cannot allow and do not wish for them to refer to me this way.

Also, one of the other guys has started calling us his "girls". This also makes me grit my teeth. Again, I know he has good intentions and he wants to convey his good feelings towards us, but am I wrong in thinking this is patronizing? I don't want to be petty, but I cannot imagine anyone referring to a group of female physicians or attorneys as girls.

I go out of my way to maintain a professional image, dressing conservatively and while we are friendly, we do not act flirtatious or inappropriate with them. Is it rude for me to refuse what is meant to be a compliment? Am I wrong for being irritated by this?

[Spidey's mom, ADN, BSN, RN]

Well, I AM a girl. Was born a girl. Always will be a girl. :)

Gosh, this happened at work. A very nice guy, our computer geek, always walks by the nurse's station and says "Hi girls" - very friendly. No hidden meaning or disrespect. Well, one of our more uptight sups decided to write a letter to him, chastizing him for being so disrespectful by calling us "girls" and told him he had to call us "ladies" instead. It was rather blunt and meanspirited. When we "ladies" found out, we howled in protest! What business was it of hers to even broach this subject. NONE of us were bothered by it. Not one. He does walk by now and shyly says "Good Morning Ladies". I feel so badly for him. We all told the sup she was nuts. And not to speak for us. However, the damage was done.

As to being called "doc" . ... I'm not a doc. I guess I would be good natured about it. As others have said, it is the intent that should be looked at in some situations.

I'm not a lady . . . . sounds too hoity toity too me. I wear jeans and a t-shirt and sneakers and not much makeup and can't even remember the last time I wore a dress. Oh and I sometimes wear flip flops to church (Sorry Leslie :)

I'm very anti-PC too . . .So, don't feel all alone Bipley.

steph

[Bipley]

I'm very anti-PC too . . .So, don't feel all alone Bipley.

I have to laugh, this reminds me of a thread on my police forum board. One lady was there to pitch a fit because a police officer that pulled her over referred to her as something other than Mrs. So and So. She hadn't given him her license yet and he didn't KNOW what her name was. So this discussion started.

One guy said he has been told repeatedly by women getting tickets to please not call them ma'am as that makes them feel old. Others don't like Mrs. because how does he know she's married? Miss means "you are too ugly to get a husband so OBVIOUSLY you a Miss," and this thread went on and on.

One guy finally came up with a solution. I don't recall exact words but this is pretty darn close:

"Hello motor vehicle operator driving on this interstate today would you please place in my hand your motor vehicle operators license while I keep a safe distance, as for you not to wonder of any intention I may have had, have now, or will have in the next 4 minutes, 38.5 seconds. Thank you motor vehicle operator driving on this interestate today."

Can you imagine? Is this what the world of human communication is coming to?

PC police can kiss my back side. We are humans and it is okay to behave as one.

[Spidey's mom, ADN, BSN, RN]

I have to laugh, this reminds me of a thread on my police forum board. One lady was there to pitch a fit because a police officer that pulled her over referred to her as something other than Mrs. So and So. She hadn't given him her license yet and he didn't KNOW what her name was. So this discussion started.

One guy said he has been told repeatedly by women getting tickets to please not call them ma'am as that makes them feel old. Others don't like Mrs. because how does he know she's married? Miss means "you are too ugly to get a husband so OBVIOUSLY you a Miss," and this thread went on and on.

One guy finally came up with a solution. I don't recall exact words but this is pretty darn close:

"Hello motor vehicle operator driving on this interstate today would you please place in my hand your motor vehicle operators license while I keep a safe distance, as for you not to wonder of any intention I may have had, have now, or will have in the next 4 minutes, 38.5 seconds. Thank you motor vehicle operator driving on this interestate today."

Can you imagine? Is this what the world of human communication is coming to?

PC police can kiss my back side. We are humans and it is okay to behave as one.

:roll Well, I am right there with you . . . . . now we just need jnette to supply the smilie . .

steph

[alakaea]

Having just taken a sociology class, I learned that men often refer to women as girls, but do not refer to other men as boys. I find this term offensive and condescending.

My old boss used to call me kid while he called a guy three years younger than me sir!

As for the whole doc thing, that is silly. Why can't they just call you by your name? Do they think they are being generous and boosting your self esteem? It's like they do not think you feel adequate being a nurse or something. Maybe I'm looking to deeply into it, but I find that calling you and your fellow nurses doctors is slightly condescending too.

[Spidey's mom, ADN, BSN, RN]

Having just taken a sociology class, I learned that men often refer to women as girls, but do not refer to other men as boys. I find this term offensive and condescending.

My old boss used to call me kid while he called a guy three years younger than me sir!

As for the whole doc thing, that is silly. Why can't they just call you by your name? Do they think they are being generous and boosting your self esteem? It's like they do not think you feel adequate being a nurse or something. Maybe I'm looking to deeply into it, but I find that calling you and your fellow nurses doctors is slightly condescending too.

Ah, sociology . . . . :)

Men refer to other men as "guys" usually. Pretty close to "girls".

I guess, again, it depends on the intent. If a person is meaning to be condescending than you might have a point.

steph

[leslie :-D]

we used to have this doctor who could be doogie howser's clone- very young and innocent looking. no matter who the nurses were, he would always say "good morning young lady"....even if the nurse was in her 60's. although his intent was benign, the older nurses were put off by it. so one morning when he said his "good morning young lady" to a nurse in her 50's/60's, she turned around and said "you should talk, dr. doogie". i tell you, he turned ten shades of red and never said it again.

otoh, there's been sev'l times i've said to my colleagues, "come on girls, time for the meeting" and no one seemed offended at all. as for being called 'doc', perhaps a response like 'nah, i'm perfectly content being a nurse' would suffice....if it bothers you that much.

leslie

[Marie_LPN, RN, LPN, RN]

I mean it's not a matter of being PC to me. But (a couple of times on this board) someone's refered to me as 'kiddo', which i don't like (and i let them know it.) Sorry, the only person that calls me that is my dad.

[Marie_LPN, RN, LPN, RN]

Men refer to other men as "guys" usually. Pretty close to "girls".

Which i'm guilty of. However, if someone told me they didn't like it, i'd stop it.

[Bipley]

Which i'm guilty of. However, if someone told me they didn't like it, i'd stop it.

That isn't the point of the thread. It is your INTENT. THAT is the point.

You know, Marie, we seem to disagree on just about everything. But this post proves to me that you at least relate to my POV.

Edit to add: Marie... wasn't it just within the last few days that you were sem 1 of ? in your RN and now you are sem 2 of ? in your RN?

WAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYYYYYY COOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOLLLLLLLLLL

Marie!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

YEEEEEEEEEEEHAAAAAAAAAAWWWWWWWWWWWWW Marie!!!!!

[Marie_LPN, RN, LPN, RN]

That isn't the point of the thread. It is your INTENT. THAT is the point.

What i intended doen't mean that someone's not going to like it. Even if i meant it in a good way, and someone didn't like it, i'd still stop it. I can't say that for a couple of people i work with, who think it's cute to refer to females as "chicks" (all the time).

I'm just not buying the i-don't-mean-it-as-an-insult-so-that makes-it-ok.

[tvccrn, ASN, RN]

I can't say much here. I am from the South and until someone does something to "demote" themselves most people with the exceptions of young children are ma'am or sir to me. The the way I was raised, people are to be respected unless they show they don't deserve it.

I have worked with the nurse manager here at work for a few years and early on we gave each other nicknames. He's Toad and I'm Witch. It takes people aback when they here us talk to each other, but it's as natural as breathing for us.

[SharonH, RN]

As for the whole doc thing, that is silly. Why can't they just call you by your name? Do they think they are being generous and boosting your self esteem?

YES, that is exactly what they think. In fact, one guy told me when I corrected him that I should not think of myself as "just" a nurse. Now isn't that insulting?