Back-handed compliments

[SharonH, RN]

Or perhaps the title of this thread should be "how to accept a compliment graciously".

Some of the men at work have started referring to me and one of the other nurses as "doc". (I work in an office building). They'll say "Hey, doc" or "there's my doc"; that sort of thing. They know full well we're nurses, in fact some of us are on a first-name basis. They mean it as a compliment you see; they're letting us know how much they think of us and our skills by giving us a "promotion" so to speak. One guy said it was his way of showing gratitude and that we carried ourselves better than nurses. I cheerily correct them whenever they do this but a couple of them were put out that I didn't accept their compliment. I know they mean well, but I cannot allow and do not wish for them to refer to me this way.

Also, one of the other guys has started calling us his "girls". This also makes me grit my teeth. Again, I know he has good intentions and he wants to convey his good feelings towards us, but am I wrong in thinking this is patronizing? I don't want to be petty, but I cannot imagine anyone referring to a group of female physicians or attorneys as girls.

I go out of my way to maintain a professional image, dressing conservatively and while we are friendly, we do not act flirtatious or inappropriate with them. Is it rude for me to refuse what is meant to be a compliment? Am I wrong for being irritated by this?

[kadokin, ASN, RN]

But is it fair to belittle someone to whom these ideas are important, with a statement like "aren't there more important things to think about?".

Yes, for me there are more important things.

ER vs. floor nurse, why does the ER always bring their patients at shift change?

Day shift nurses vs. night shift. Night shift nurses only work nights because they are inherently lazy and have no people skills.

Or how about BSN vs. ADN, which are better nurses?

Gay marriage, is the gay agenda ruining the family?

Republicans only care about money, not the common man nor the evironment.

Discuss.

HUH??? WHAA????

[Marie_LPN, RN, LPN, RN]

The point is also the best of intentions can hurt. Why can't the hurt/insulted/mildly irritated person point that out without others saying "lighten up", "I hate all this PC crap", "it doesn't matter what you say nowadays someone is going to be insulted", "it's a joke for heaven's sake", "no harm was meant". Why can't you just respect the individuals feelings, rather than invalidate them with good intentions. You don't have to agree or buy into their pc and agree with them.

Because all of that would make sense. It's easier for some to brush off someone by saying "lighten up".

[Tweety, BSN, RN]

Same as yours.

I never inferred that if someone tells me they are uncomfortable with something I said that I would continue doing so. My point is that I simply don't let the little stuff get to me. There are far bigger fish to fry in this world. I can't control how another feels, responds, reacts, etc. But I can control that within myself. I pick my battles today and the whole world doesn't have to be a big battle.

Thanks for the clarification.

I respect that your battles and what you think are bigger fish to fry are different than my battles and my fish.

I don't let a whole lot get to me either, but I'm not going to force that on anyone, I'm going to be tolerant and understanding that whatever life they've lived up to that point caused them to choose a battle or fry a fish I didn't pick.

[shannonibellen]

I am new here but I really want to put my two cents in. I think maybe we should take some advice from our children "sticks and stones may break my bones....." you know the rest! Merry Christamas All!!

Shannon

[kadokin, ASN, RN]

I would not want to be called doc when I am a nurse. Reminds me of when I hear a patient call a na a nurse and that person does not correct them.

I kind of thought that was the original OP's point. Wasn't there a comment in there that she and her friend "carried" themselves so much better than nurses? That doesn't say much for nurses as a group. What does he mean by that?

[Spidey's mom, ADN, BSN, RN]

Thanks for the clarification.

I respect that your battles and what you think are bigger fish to fry are different than my battles and my fish.

I don't let a whole lot get to me either, but I'm not going to force that on anyone, I'm going to be tolerant and understanding that whatever life they've lived up to that point caused them to choose a battle or fry a fish I didn't pick.

I guess I saw Sharon's op as asking whether she was making a mountain out of a molehill and so I responded that maybe we do have bigger fish to fry.

I live in a small community - we all mostly know each other. I have a friend who calls me "kiddo" all the time and it is meant in an endearing way. We actually have the nerve to call our elderly patients and the pediatric patients, "sweetie" or "honey". No one complains.

I dunno - still reminding me of the "Christmas" vs. "Holiday" thread.

Where those who were upset with the above being told to "get over it", so to speak.

I am NOT saying that if someone came to me and said they were upset with something I was calling them that I would say "get a life". I'm saying that me, myself and I would not be offended unless the intent was to be offensive.

steph

[Tweety, BSN, RN]

I guess I saw Sharon's op as asking whether she was making a mountain out of a molehill and so I responded that maybe we do have bigger fish to fry.

I live in a small community - we all mostly know each other. I have a friend who calls me "kiddo" all the time and it is meant in an endearing way. We actually have the nerve to call our elderly patients and the pediatric patients, "sweetie" or "honey". No one complains.

I dunno - still reminding me of the "Christmas" vs. "Holiday" thread.

Where those who were upset with the above being told to "get over it", so to speak.

I am NOT saying that if someone came to me and said they were upset with something I was calling them that I would say "get a life". I'm saying that me, myself and I would not be offended unless the intent was to be offensive.

steph

Never mind Steph, I was off topic. I wasn't quoting anyone in this thread. I was more responding to the idea that intent is all that matters, that if the intent was positive then it's o.k. But never mind, it's off topic and I have bigger fish to fry and don't feel the need to drag this out anymore.