At dinner out, I am chastised for drinking before work by manager -- help?

Published

Wanted to pose this question here for more experienced nurses to answer.

We as orientees were invited out to a pharmaceutical dinner by our manager/master preceptor. We were doing night shift, but they decided to have us show up for dinner at 7 and the plan was to go into work after dinner. A nice deviation from orientation and just sort of a perk they offered us.

Well, it was a very fancy steak dinner place and when we walked in, everyone was offered a glass of red or white wine before dinner by the wait staff. I accepted a glass of red wine, carried it to my table, sipped from it slowly before dinner, didn't even FINISH it, drank water with my meal and had a cup of coffee afterwards. I probably consumed less than 2 oz of wine and had it with an enormous 2 lb steak and potato.

After dinner I was actually wired and alert from the coffee and doing fine. I am totally used to having a glass of wine with dinner, especially with such an upscale meal.

But my manager just totally got on me during a routine meeting going over my weekly evals. I mean -- she was ALL over me, saying HER license was at risk, that I could have been "impaired" from drinking during dinner, etc. and that I should not have accepted it.

I see her point, but I just again, feel like my character has been denigrated. I am a 44 year old mother of 3, the most safe and responsible person on earth -- I wouldn't DREAM of getting buzzed before work, know my limits, etc. It was a glass of wine, not a whisky double for God's sake!!

I told her it would have been better if they had perhaps given us a gentle reminder that it would not be wise to drink since we were expected at work that night -- that THEY invited us to this before a worknight and that wine was available at this event and if they didn't want us to drink, they should have given us a gentle reminder.

I don't know -- again, I just work my behind off at work, do a good job, yet I'm chastised for such a small offense over which nothing happened and no one got hurt. In looking back she was saying something about it at dinner, but was very indirect about it and I just paid no attention to it.

Any thoughts? Was I totally inappropriate to accept a drink before going on shift 2-3 hours later. I guess I was, but was there a better way to handle this on their part?

I haven't been "drunk" in probably over 10 years. I don't get drunk. I hate to even be drunk. I do like my wine with dinner when I go out because it compliments the meal. I suppose I was wrong, but I'm having a hard time dealing with this for some reason.

To me, especially after living in Europe for over 6 years, to drink wine with a meal is like having table water. You just drink it. I guess my values and my ideas are different -- maybe I was being irresponsible and showing poor judgement -- but it's a tough pill to swallow and hard to be scolded over it.

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in CRNA.

It is not a good idea to be ingesting ethanol before going in to a workplace where various toys and drugs are given to people that could potentially result in the dude having a premature meeting with Jesus. No matter how small of the amount was consumed. Trial lawyers would have a field day with this.

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in LTC, Med/Surg, Peds, ICU, Tele.

You are right, it is an American thing to be so uptite about drinking even a small glass of wine. My husband is European so I'm familiar with the different mindset.

On the other hand, it's a bad idea to drink any alcohol before work, especially in front of your manager. She doesn't know your drinking habits, and you don't know her history. Maybe she has alcoholics in her family or has dealt with impaired employees in the past and therefore is prickly about the subject.

Up Vote Up Vote ×

another great thread to read is being debated right now. "alcohol testing ". some of the info would probably be benificial for you to read.

quit beating yourself up, move on and don't let history repeat itself!:twocents:

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in neuro, ICU/CCU, tropical medicine.
You are right, it is an American thing to be so uptite about drinking even a small glass of wine. My husband is European so I'm familiar with the different mindset.

I've worked with a couple of British nurses in the past. One told me that if a nurse was having a bad day, her manager in the U.K. would invite the nurse to go to her office and have a glass of sherry. Another nurse told me that they give beer to their patients - and that they use diacetylmorphine (heroin) as an analgesic in the U.K.

Nevertheless, I wouldn't have taken alcohol in any quantity or context shortly before a shift, especially with my manager watching.

Up Vote Up Vote ×

I don't know. I guess it's been a long time since I've been in the work force. I've been a stay at home mom for many years and just used to doing what I want. It's hard to know what to do around managers, what you can do, what you can't.

I understand about the trial lawyer thing. I can understand that.

I know I was in the wrong -- but just don't like how she handled it. To me, the way I'm being chastised will impair me more in terms of lack of good will and confidence than any 2 oz glass

of wine ever will. Just my .02.

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in neuro, ICU/CCU, tropical medicine.
It's hard to know what to do around managers, what you can do, what you can't.

That's one of the advantages of working night shift - managers don't tend to spend much time on the unit at those hours.

Acknowledge you made a mistake, you won't do it again, and move on. You might be under the microscope for a while, but this too shall pass.

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in Education, FP, LNC, Forensics, ED, OB.

Since you are asking, "Was I totally inappropriate to accept a drink before going on shift 2-3 hours later..."

Yes, this was not appropriate. You placed yourself and your manager at risk as well as your patients. I'm sure that as you pointed out, you were not drunk nor incapacitated in the least, but had something happened.......

...but was there a better way to handle this on their part?".......
Did she chastise you in front of others? Or, was this a private meeting between your manager and you? If the latter, I do not see anything wrong with how she handled this.

I see her point, but I just again, feel like my character has been denigrated.

If she attacked your character, that was inappropriate of her. But, if she simply pointed out the circumstances to you, clarified her position about this, assured that you understood and that this would be a non-issue in the future, I do not see this as a question about your character.

As others have stated, do not beat yourself up over this. Next time you are faced with this, I'm sure you will choose differently.

Up Vote Up Vote ×

shirley temples are pretty drinks.:)

leslie

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in Community Health, Med-Surg, Home Health.

This is one of the reasons why I don't like to socialize with my co-workers. Things can get blown out of proportion and people don't agree. I do believe that it is a risk, but what I also question is a pharmaceutical dinner offered by a manager knowing that alcohol would be served to people who are about to work in a few hours. Sort of a conflict of interest...like having a cake sale for diabetics.

Up Vote Up Vote ×

In aviation, the rule is no alcohol "12 hours bottle to throttle." Same for us. No alcohol before going into work. It's just one of those live and learn things. Don't beat yourself up over this - and especially, don't let it harm your confidence. You need thick skin to survive in this profession, and you'll get there....

Watch out for this nurse manager - they eat up young orientees whenever they can. It's just the culture and you will find ways to work around it. This won't be the last time a manager does this sort of thing to you (clinical managers typically rose from the clinical ranks without leadership training - actually, leadership in healthcare overall isn't that great), so just accept it and move on. She was right in what she said to you, but she should have explained that to you beforehand in a respectful and meaningful way.

Best advice - let it go. Don't confront her about it, it isn't worth it in the long run. Concentrate on your patients. BUT - you're on her radar now so lay low. Ask alot of good questions and don't do anything you are not sure about without checking with an experienced RN. Don't do anything to get yourself called into her office again.....you don't know her yet, and you can't trust her either, not yet anyway.

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in LTC, Med/Surg, Peds, ICU, Tele.
This is one of the reasons why I don't like to socialize with my co-workers. Things can get blown out of proportion and people don't agree. I do believe that it is a risk, but what I also question is a pharmaceutical dinner offered by a manager knowing that alcohol would be served to people who are about to work in a few hours. Sort of a conflict of interest...like having a cake sale for diabetics.

Good points Pagan!

Up Vote Up Vote ×
+ Join the Discussion