At dinner out, I am chastised for drinking before work by manager -- help?

[SoundofMusic]

Wanted to pose this question here for more experienced nurses to answer.

We as orientees were invited out to a pharmaceutical dinner by our manager/master preceptor. We were doing night shift, but they decided to have us show up for dinner at 7 and the plan was to go into work after dinner. A nice deviation from orientation and just sort of a perk they offered us.

Well, it was a very fancy steak dinner place and when we walked in, everyone was offered a glass of red or white wine before dinner by the wait staff. I accepted a glass of red wine, carried it to my table, sipped from it slowly before dinner, didn't even FINISH it, drank water with my meal and had a cup of coffee afterwards. I probably consumed less than 2 oz of wine and had it with an enormous 2 lb steak and potato.

After dinner I was actually wired and alert from the coffee and doing fine. I am totally used to having a glass of wine with dinner, especially with such an upscale meal.

But my manager just totally got on me during a routine meeting going over my weekly evals. I mean -- she was ALL over me, saying HER license was at risk, that I could have been "impaired" from drinking during dinner, etc. and that I should not have accepted it.

I see her point, but I just again, feel like my character has been denigrated. I am a 44 year old mother of 3, the most safe and responsible person on earth -- I wouldn't DREAM of getting buzzed before work, know my limits, etc. It was a glass of wine, not a whisky double for God's sake!!

I told her it would have been better if they had perhaps given us a gentle reminder that it would not be wise to drink since we were expected at work that night -- that THEY invited us to this before a worknight and that wine was available at this event and if they didn't want us to drink, they should have given us a gentle reminder.

I don't know -- again, I just work my behind off at work, do a good job, yet I'm chastised for such a small offense over which nothing happened and no one got hurt. In looking back she was saying something about it at dinner, but was very indirect about it and I just paid no attention to it.

Any thoughts? Was I totally inappropriate to accept a drink before going on shift 2-3 hours later. I guess I was, but was there a better way to handle this on their part?

I haven't been "drunk" in probably over 10 years. I don't get drunk. I hate to even be drunk. I do like my wine with dinner when I go out because it compliments the meal. I suppose I was wrong, but I'm having a hard time dealing with this for some reason.

To me, especially after living in Europe for over 6 years, to drink wine with a meal is like having table water. You just drink it. I guess my values and my ideas are different -- maybe I was being irresponsible and showing poor judgement -- but it's a tough pill to swallow and hard to be scolded over it.

[irish6363]

My best advice is ANYTHING YOU SAY OR DO IN PUBLIC IS FOR PUBLIC CONSUMPTION meaning it is out there to be interpreted any way it is percieved. It may have been harmless in your mind but there are always people watching. You obviously have worked very hard for your career, and anything someone sees can be interpreted the wrong way. Integrity is everything... your reputation is on the line, even over an incident like that. Just think what if this was just a test of character on your managers behalf to see who would accept the wine ? You would have failed... even the words you use around others can be of significance. I am not saying be suspicious of others, but always bear in mind that your reputation and integrity is worth much more. Also now you know she is watching and making judgements so be aware and act accordingly. Do not continue to play it over in your mind let it go now, and do your very best to show the accomplished and responsible side of who you are.

[traumaRUs, MSN, APRN]

I too feel it was inappropriate to drink prior to going to work.

I too lived in Europe for 3 years and yes in Europe drinking is far different than the states. However, that is no excuse. I'm sorry that your manager chastised you. To do so in public was in poor taste at best.

[FireStarterRN, BSN, RN]

Exactly, Irish! The same goes for the conversation at the gathering. In public gatherings like this, in front of your boss, it's best to be totally 'politically correct' in every way. It's similar to inviting the minister and his wife over for dinner. No off color jokes, no alcoholic beverages.

[MQ Edna]

...a pharmaceutical dinner offered by a manager knowing that alcohol would be served to people who are about to work in a few hours. Sort of a conflict of interest...

OP did state paid no attention to what manager was saying at dinner:

In looking back she was saying something about it at dinner, but was very indirect about it and I just paid no attention to it.

Could it be the manager tried to point out about alcohol consumption and going to work, but didn't want to make a scene.......?? Just my 2 cents.

[FireStarterRN, BSN, RN]

I too feel it was inappropriate to drink prior to going to work.

I too lived in Europe for 3 years and yes in Europe drinking is far different than the states. However, that is no excuse. I'm sorry that your manager chastised you. To do so in public was in poor taste at best.

The OP stated that she was scolded during a routine meeting on her evals.

[-MNC_RN-]

I won't make a call on whether or not alcohol should be consumed before patient care. I will tell you this, that I wouldn't do it, no matter how well I think I could handle it. Why?

If you made a critical error in patient care (whether or not ETOH was an actual factor) and it was determined that you HAD consumed alcohol prior (either by eye witness or testing), you would probably lose your license and a great deal of money in a lawsuit.

Your call.

[leslie :-D]

the mgr couldn't have been 'that' concerned if she allowed op to go to work...

leslie

[NewNurseyGirl2009]

To be honest, you should have known better. YOu shouldn't need your manager to parent you and remind you. Even though you weren't drunk any alcohol consumption before work would most likely be grounds for a lawsuit and you losing your license. What worries me is that your judgement was not right and you are in a position where judgement can save or cost a life.

[bethin]

I took a class last semester on the basics of how to behave before managers, in interviews, etc - basically how to present yourself.

One of the biggies - no matter the peer pressure or if it's put in front of you, do NOT accept that glass of wine, champagne, whatever. Even if your boss does it do not do it.

You may not have been impaired but if something had happened, and lawyers got wind that the nurse had a drink before work, well, I really hope you have good malpractice insurance.

It sounds like you realize what you did was not a good decision. The manager has the right to speak to you about it but in a one on one setting with respect. If she didn't do this, then I would speak to her and air your concerns.

[bethin]

the mgr couldn't have been 'that' concerned if she allowed op to go to work...

leslie

Good point leslie.

[irish6363]

The manager knew darn well the amount of alcohol consumed was well metabolized by the time they started to work. This is about test of character and how she may have had poor judgement at that moment. That is what the manager was now focused on. I think.... The important part here is to re-establish a good standing with the manager and let her know that this will NEVER EVER happen again. Gain her trust and confidence in you...not by doing what LOOKS good, but what IS correct. She will see. Who knows maybe this was done to her at one time early in her career, and she uses it now as a measure of some sort. (Just my weird thoughts....)

[SusanKathleen, RN]

OOH! Bad form, SoundofMusic! I'm thinking that you should have known better. We're not in Europe - we're in the VERY litigious USA. Drinking is such a huge issue. Plus it seems that you're a little defensive - such as mentioning several times the amount of alcohol you drank, as if there is an acceptable amount before work. Anyway, that being said, you goofed, it's over, let it go.

(I also wonder why it took your supervisor so long to mention it?)