Asked To Help Out With Colleague's Work Due to Her Being "Unapproachable"

[SilverBells, BSN]

As some of you may know, I work in a SNF with three units divided among two managers; myself and my colleague. 

Lately, I've been getting asked many times to help out with my colleague's patients, even though my colleague is readily available.  When I ask them if they've approached her, they state, "No, she's mean, can you help?" or "I didn't go to her because she's very unapproachable."

While I don't mind helping out--especially if she is gone or busy--this often means taking on an increased workload that is actually her responsibility. 

Wondering if this is something you would address? What would you say to employees who persistently approach you, even after redirection to the right manager? Would you bring forth concerns to your supervisor, and potentially ask them to speak to ypur colleague? 

Again, I want people to feel like they can approach me for help.  Certainly, if the other manager just isn't available,  I'll step in.  At the same time, I feel they need to be able to reach out to both of us, not just one.  

[NRSKarenRN, BSN, RN]

Time for you to invest in Nurse Manager education to succeed or leave this role as you repeatedly post scenerio's that an experienced RN with an MSN  should be able to handle or know the resources to consult for advice.   Staff deserve a manager who is not afraid of the role or is totally overwhelmed by it as it affects patient care.

I learned a lot from the 2nd edition of Tina Marelli's : The Nurse Manager’s Survival Guide 4th edition available now.

Quote

Provides and overview of the Nurse Manager's major roles...Practical answers to everyday challenges are discussed and presented in a conversational manner. From tips on building the right team to budgeting basics, time-management tools, and advice on taking care of yourself (and your team)

 

What Would Florence Do? A Guide for New Nurse Managers

Quote

A Guide for New Nurse Managers will give you actionable tips on: Care coordination. Community partnerships. Developing others. Ethical practice. Safety and quality improvement. Strategic planning. And more!

Delegate or Suffocate: A practical handbook for nurse managers as they survive and thrive on the road of management

Quote

Even though there are many technical examples included in this book on how to approach personnel leadership issues; there are also many humorous, practical and personal examples of life that are applicable to any style of management and situation a leader may encounter.This author tells you from personal experience that ‘leaders make or break an organization’ and without good leadership ‘chaos’ reigns.

Workshop:  New Nurse Manager Workshop Virtual Event -starts Feb. 2nd,

Magazine:  Nursing Management

Articles:

Role of the Nurse Manager, Unit Team Lead

Constructive feedback and disciplinary action

Ideas for Performance Evaluations/ Action Plans

SAMPLE NARRATIVE FEEDBACK: CLINICAL PERFORMANCE

45 Performance Evaluation Comments for Your Team

23 Performance Evaluation Phrases to Use in a Review

100 Performance Appraisal Comments For Your Next Performance Review

2000+ Performance Review Phrases: The Complete List .

Forms:

NURSE PERFORMANCE APPRAISAL

WORK PERFORMANCE EVALUATION - RN

Books:

Perfect Phrases for Managers and Supervisors

Perfect Phrases for Dealing with Difficult People: Hundreds of Ready-to-Use Phrases for Handling Conflict, Confrontations and Challenging Personalities

Effective Phrases for Performance Appraisals: A Guide to Successful Evaluations

[JBMmom, MSN, NP]

I think you've got two options here. First, you can continue to just help out and not address the underlying issue, which will continually cause a drain on you as a resource and not put forward any meaningful change. Or, you can address the issue, either directly with the unapproachable colleague, or by involving your management. I happen to be someone that's not too concerned about having a direct conversation so if it were me I would find a time when there wasn't a stressful situation going on and I would ask to speak with the other nurse. I would tell that nurse that some of the staff have been approaching me for assistance because they're unsure of the best way to approach her. Would she be willing to reach out to her staff to set up a better way for them to ask her for help. If she asks for specifics I might mention that some staff members have concerns about her receptiveness to requests, but I would initially phrase it in a system approach. That way she can take the ball on working with her own staff and developing a way for them to communicate with her effectively. Good luck.

[Davey Do]

15 hours ago, SilverBells said:

Lately, I've been getting asked many times to help out with my colleague's patients, even though my colleague is readily available.

Reminds me of a quote that went something along the lines of, "If we want something done, we ask a busy person because we know the job will get done".

[SilverBells, BSN]

12 hours ago, NRSKarenRN said:

Time for you to invest in Nurse Manager education to succeed or leave this role as you repeatedly post scenerio's that an experienced RN with an MSN  should be able to handle or know the resources to consult for advice.   Staff deserve a manager who is not afraid of the role or is totally overwhelmed by it as it affects patient care.

I learned a lot from the 2nd edition of Tina Marelli's : The Nurse Manager’s Survival Guide 4th edition available now.

What Would Florence Do? A Guide for New Nurse Managers

Delegate or Suffocate: A practical handbook for nurse managers as they survive and thrive on the road of management

Workshop:  New Nurse Manager Workshop Virtual Event -starts Feb. 2nd,

Magazine:  Nursing Management

Articles:

Role of the Nurse Manager, Unit Team Lead

Constructive feedback and disciplinary action

Ideas for Performance Evaluations/ Action Plans

SAMPLE NARRATIVE FEEDBACK: CLINICAL PERFORMANCE

45 Performance Evaluation Comments for Your Team

23 Performance Evaluation Phrases to Use in a Review

100 Performance Appraisal Comments For Your Next Performance Review

2000+ Performance Review Phrases: The Complete List .

Forms:

NURSE PERFORMANCE APPRAISAL

WORK PERFORMANCE EVALUATION - RN

Books:

Perfect Phrases for Managers and Supervisors

Perfect Phrases for Dealing with Difficult People: Hundreds of Ready-to-Use Phrases for Handling Conflict, Confrontations and Challenging Personalities

Effective Phrases for Performance Appraisals: A Guide to Successful Evaluations

Wow! Thanks for the comprehensive list of resources.  Unfortunately, my education actually didn't do a very good job of preparing me for a leadership role and I didn't have any experience as a supervisor before my current one, so some things have been a struggle.  This looks like this has a few things that could be useful, though, so thank you ??

[JBMmom, MSN, NP]

5 hours ago, SilverBells said:

Unfortunately, my education actually didn't do a very good job of preparing me for a leadership role

I don't know of any entry level nursing programs that provide leadership training. And even those that go on for master's degrees in areas like leadership and executive management don't get the practical skills necessary for the job. Conflict resolution, having difficult conversations when necessary, how to really lead so that people feel supported but empowered- these are important leadership skills but are not taught. When I graduated, I worked in long term care for five years. I went back to speak to fourth semester students getting ready to graduate with their ADN. I warned them that just because they had their RN, facilities would tell them they were qualified to take a supervisory role without ever working on the floors. These nurses sometimes were successful, but very often they struggled with how to make clinical decisions with no practical clinical experience. They were often not accepted by staff that knew they did not have the skills needed to do the job well. It's unfortunate for the nurses put in these positions, and their coworkers and patients. But, often facilities only need to check their boxes and put a "RN" in supervisory roles, they don't really care how well it works out in the end.

It's good that you recognize where you could use some additional reading or training. Glad that NRSKarenRN had some good resources for you, good luck!

[SmilingBluEyes]

I am being in earnest here. But with all the trouble and complaints you have about your job and your role, do you REALLY want to continue to beat yourself to death trying?

I would have been done long ago.

[Davey Do]

14 hours ago, SmilingBluEyes said:

do you REALLY want to... beat yourself to death...?

If she does, remember she belongs to the same club that I, too, belong.

We are "The DNRs!"

[Joe V]

I'm on the boat that you should feel free to ask any question(s) - no matter how stupid you think it might be. 

Those who ask questions always get to their destination a lot faster.

I think we sometimes forget that people struggle in all positions. It doesn't matter how good you think you are. We all have questions. The difference here is that some people are open to discuss everything ... open to get advice from those that are experienced ... even if they know the answer they still put it out there in case there's a better answer. Heck, it may just help someone else out.

Why struggle with a question when you have such a diverse pool of experienced professionals who are ready to help?

Kudos to those who continue to help and to those who are not afraid to ask questions.

A teacher once told me that it doesn't matter if you think it's a "stupid question". If it helps you solve a problem, learn, or accomplish a goal than it's worth the effort.

[Kooky Korky, BSN, RN]

15 hours ago, Joe V said:

I'm on the boat that you should feel free to ask any question(s) - no matter how stupid you think it might be. 

Those who ask questions always get to their destination a lot faster.

I think we sometimes forget that people struggle in all positions. It doesn't matter how good you think you are. We all have questions. The difference here is that some people are open to discuss everything ... open to get advice from those that are experienced ... even if they know the answer they still put it out there in case there's a better answer. Heck, it may just help someone else out.

Why struggle with a question when you have such a diverse pool of experienced professionals who are ready to help?

Kudos to those who continue to help and to those who are not afraid to ask questions.

A teacher once told me that it doesn't matter if you think it's a "stupid question". If it helps you solve a problem, learn, or accomplish a goal than it's worth the effort.

Her issue was really not about asking questions, was it?  But thank you for encouraging people to ask.

As for getting to the destination faster by asking questions, I have found this to be most definitely not so.  Those who ask often get a grumpy, rude response by people who either are afraid to admit they don't know the answer or who are so unhappy in life generally that they will not  help the asker.

[Laine]

Absolutely take it up the chain to your manager.  A good manager would counsel her & if necessary show her the door.  I've worked with my fair share of bullies and they continue until there are consequences. 

I would not confront her directly or alone.  At the minimum you can ask for Employee Assistance to attend the meeting. 

[kbrn2002, ADN, RN]

I am surprised nobody has said the obvious yet.  Redirect those staff coming to you to the right manager. A simple "you need to ask so and so about that resident" works.  Unless of course it's a situation that truly does require immediate assistance in which case anybody who is available should step in as needed.