Appropriate reaction to rude behavior?

Pangea Reunited, ASN, RN · Oct 9, 2014

That varies greatly depending on the circumstances. But in general, I choose my battles and don't assume that every "rude" person set out to offend me. Sometimes it's not worth responding to and sometimes it's not even intentional.

RN403, BSN, RN · Oct 9, 2014

There are quite a few threads on this topic that you might find of assistance. In general, I respond professionally, yet, firmly when someone approaches me in a rude manner. That's if I say anything at all. Sometimes I don't even acknowledge the behavior...I simply don't respond. People usually get the point.

When it comes to rude patients/visitors...kill them with kindness.

It is also important to remember that you will encounter rude behavior from co-workers and customers in any career. Nursing is a high stress job that deals with people from all backgrounds which might make us more likely to encounter all types of behavior from all types of people...but, essentially any job will come with this issue.

roser13, ASN, RN · Oct 9, 2014

It's entirely possible that your family member is not exaggerating. And I understand why it would be hard to believe that nurses sometimes take so much crap from patients and staff. As the first poster said, there are many, many reasons why.

As for the patients, the American healthcare system currently operates in the "patient satisfaction is king" mode. 24/7 visiting hours, waiting on folks like waitresses, etc., all in the name of positive customer service surveys. So we swallow hard and take as much as we can until physical violence happens or is threatened. Then we call security.

As for rude doctors, that problem has been around forever and a day. These days, nurses are certainly more empowered (in most places) to stand up to inappropriate MD behavior. But sometimes that's easier said than done. As a somewhat timid "older" new nurse (40), I was so shocked at some MD behaviors that it took me a long time in practice to build up the cajones to stand my ground and insist on appropriate language, tone and behavior. In my opinion, you have to have some confidence (experience) in your position on whatever the issue is to be able to assertively stand your ground in the face of rude, loud opposition.

psu_213, BSN, RN · Oct 9, 2014

When it comes to rude patients/visitors...kill them with kindness.

Apologize, even if you didn't do anything wrong--saying "I'm sorry" doesn't mean you are assuming responsibility for something. A simple "I'm sorry that this experience is not going like you expected" (even if it is totally non-heartfelt) will do.

Emergent, RN · Oct 9, 2014

My advise is to always try to deescalate with patients and their families by ignoring rudeness and giving out information. You don't have to kiss their butts in the process.

There is an art to dealing with rude people, I advise you to develop it, instead of trying to get respect by being rude back. Being surly will accomplish nothing. It will tend to escalate the situation. It lowers you to their level. It is unprofessional.

Now, with co-workers, well they are more like family. If someone is being consistently rude to you, you should call them on it. Sometimes, with colleagues, you need to set boundaries with some tough love.

kiszi, RN · Oct 9, 2014

First and foremost, I try to prevent rudeness whenever I can. This means smiling and being friendly when I walk in the room, acknowledging family members, and ensuring my behavior is not such that could be construed as rude. After all, people do tend to mirror others' behavior, whether consciously or not.

That said, there will still be people that act like jerks.. In such case I try to remember that the behavior probably has nothing to do with me. It's easy enough to excuse behavior without having an emotional reaction when you realize that it comes from a place of frustration, stress, grief, or the like. Or the person is just nasty and miserable in general, in which case I just feel sorry for them.

So that covers how not to internalize it (which comes with time) but what do you do about it? there's been some really good advice given on that end already. Listen, sympathize, ask what you can do to help. Remember you get more bees with honey...

ceccia · Oct 9, 2014

honestly, my best advice for dealing with rudeness is to have several jobs. Instead of putting all your eggs in one basket with one full-time job, get your hours from a combination of agency, PRN, temp, part-time, and/or non-nursing work.

You naturally have a totally different mindset, body language, confidence level, etc. when you know that no one person controls your ability to make a living, and that you'd be just fine if you were let go or wanted to leave one of your jobs. (also, this may vary by specialty and location, but I find that full-time positions are the hardest to get; it's a lot easier to get part-time, PRN, agency, temp, and seasonal work. This also gives you more flexibility.)

Honestly? I rarely have to deal with any rude behavior because I have the confidence that comes from literally not caring if I keep my job or not (because I have several others).

firstinfamily, RN · Oct 9, 2014

I agree with the "kill them with kindness" for the patients, I don't agree with that for family members. I try to resolve the issue and if it is something they cannot resolve then forward it on to the guest services. If it is a co-worker I kind of address the issue with tough love, and let them know where I am coming from. I am getting to be older and bolder and you will also. I hate gossip, and I will not tolerate or participate in it. IF it is a MD and he is cussing me out, I stand there and take it or walk away, depending on what else is going on. I rarely do something wrong but when I do I fess up and let them know how the patient is doing. If they are just sounding off, I usually ignore them and walk away. Sometimes they just need to vent, but if it truly is something I have no interest in or control over, I walk away from them or ask them what they expect to be done etc. In my early nursing days when I was working on a Post CAB unit and the one heart patient must have been on about 10 drips, the surgeon did not like the idea I was taking care of the patient, and he sat down with me and discussed every single medication to make sure which ones I knew I could wean etc. It made him feel better, made me scared, but the patient did just fine!! It is not always a bad thing when they want to talk to you and they do have a weath of information that you can learn from!! That particular surgeon had no problems with me taking any of the post CAB patients after that.

Nola009 · Oct 11, 2014

Nursing is high-stress. If you don't do well under stress, please choose something else.

Allie.Adobz · Oct 16, 2014

Nursing is high-stress. If you don't do well under stress, please choose something else.

It's not that I don't do well with stress... on the contrary, I work better under pressure than in a more leisurely environment. I was only asking because I wanted to know the parameters in which I could act to effectively deal with a situation I may encounter in the future. (being yelled at or belittled by patients or doctors)

Allie.Adobz · Oct 16, 2014

I agree with the "kill them with kindness" for the patients, I don't agree with that for family members. I try to resolve the issue and if it is something they cannot resolve then forward it on to the guest services. If it is a co-worker I kind of address the issue with tough love, and let them know where I am coming from. I am getting to be older and bolder and you will also. I hate gossip, and I will not tolerate or participate in it. IF it is a MD and he is cussing me out, I stand there and take it or walk away, depending on what else is going on. I rarely do something wrong but when I do I fess up and let them know how the patient is doing. If they are just sounding off, I usually ignore them and walk away. Sometimes they just need to vent, but if it truly is something I have no interest in or control over, I walk away from them or ask them what they expect to be done etc. In my early nursing days when I was working on a Post CAB unit and the one heart patient must have been on about 10 drips, the surgeon did not like the idea I was taking care of the patient, and he sat down with me and discussed every single medication to make sure which ones I knew I could wean etc. It made him feel better, made me scared, but the patient did just fine!! It is not always a bad thing when they want to talk to you and they do have a weath of information that you can learn from!! That particular surgeon had no problems with me taking any of the post CAB patients after that.

Thank you very much for your response... at least it gives me a bit of comfort to know I don't have to tolerate it. I'll make a note about the guest services and stuff. Hehe I'd love to have someone teach me the ropes like that doctor did... that would be nice... I don't mind a bit of constructive criticism myself.