Anyone go through a divorce while in Nursing school?

live4today, RN · Nov 8, 2004

whatever you do, finish school before you two part ways. you will need the income to support yourself and your kids, and he should at least contribute to your finishing school.

as soon as i finished nursing school, i learned that my first husband (father of my three children) was having a long term affair with a woman he worked with. our eighteen year marriage ended. the kids are now grown and doing well...no thanks to their deadbeat dad. :rolleyes:

like a fool, i remarried almost three years later, and after fourteen years of marriage, we parted, but it was expected because i had put up with enough of his philandering with soldiers who have no respect for wives! :stone at least we did not have any children together...thank god! :) i'm much better off without him in my life. this past year has proved that to me. we are separated, but i'm not taking him back! :nono:

so....take it from me...get that degree and then tell your dh if he doesn't want to be an active member of the family to get to steppin'!

hypnotic_nurse · Nov 8, 2004

The day I filed for divorce, I enrolled in nursing school. :) It was TOUGH.

I had to get the divorce, and I have to admit that going to school that way sure kept the pain from being too much; there was no time to think about it.

Remember that nursing school is very stressful. Having three kids is very stressful. this is stress for both of you, and people react to stress in different ways.

It is worrisome that he won't see a counselor with you...but that could be the depression talking. Will he see his regular doc for depression?

GirlArcher · Nov 8, 2004

Yes, I went through a divorce while in nursing school. Had one semester left and it was more than time for it to be over. After 12 years of marriage, he decided school had changed me too much and he wasn't willing to work on the things that were wrong with our relationship; he refused to go to counseling as well and blamed everything on me and "my stupid education". He also told me that he wished I would flunk out so that I would be there for him more. Not what you want to hear from your partner, huh?

After he left, I discovered that somewhere between 25-30% of marriages end during nursing school....strange, huh? But it was all for the best, as I'm happier than ever,( as are my daughters,) and I'm married to the love of my life now.

Don't hesitate in seeking help. I went to marriage counseling alone for two years before the divorce so that I had the tools to deal with what was happening.

dansamy · Nov 8, 2004

I'm not divorced, or even separated yet. We're trying to wait until school is over. It's just easier that way. Is it stressful? Yes. Impossible? I sure as hell hope not, otherwise I'm up a creek. I can't finish school if I hafta earn enough $$ to take care of the kids. Let's face it....child support alone isn't gonna do it.

jschut, BSN, RN · Nov 8, 2004

No divorce while in school, but I do believe one looms on my horizon when I graduate. I don't study like I need to cause "he needs me" and he throws his little tantrums, which are worse than the kids....

Like the other night, he got up and slammed out of the bedroom, only to sleep on the couch because I appparently didn't respond appropriately to his advances, and instead of continuing to try, he got angry, got up and when I asked what was wrong, he says, "YOU!" while he's slamming the door....

I've learned to not say anything cause it just gets him going and if I want peace, I just shut up.

After I graduate and can support my children the way they deserve, I won't shut up anymore! It's pretty bad when your older kids ask you why you stay, cause you weren't like this before you married him...

He has 2 more years, then I'm out the door....(or he is).

Good Luck and know you aren't alone in this.

purplemania, BSN, RN · Nov 8, 2004

I left him after 26 years of marriage. Separated in Oct., started nursing school in Jan, and divorced by April. School helped me focus on me and my future. By the time I looked up, YEARS had flown by and I was happily settled in a new life. Of course, my kids were grown, but they are still my kids and there is always some drama taking place. I have learned to roll with it.

Mister Chris, MSN, NP · Nov 8, 2004

:kiss :specs: Yes I went through a divorce whilst in full time (3 years) training in psychiatry as a student nurse in the sixties in a large South of London psychiatric hospital. Had to move out from home taken by my ex and our two children (that she did everything possible to prevent me from seeing). The end of a loveless marrage of some 15 years. Most of my pay was taken before I even saw it! I had to live-in (at the training hospital) to survive. Gave me a good reason to stay in and study!

I completed RMN and made some very good friends over that three years and went on to Mentally & Physically Handicaped and then on to General hospital for 3 years training to RN. Yes at times it can be hard. Lonely at first, then lack of cash, at times felt like ending it all - was it worth it? Yes life goes on, now I am older and a lot more mature. My grand-kids write to me and e-mail from UK. I now have a new family - a beautiful nurse and three daughters. Hang in there - pray move forwards and don't look behind you. Something else I found out - what someone else thinks or says about you is none of your business. And finally "don't sweat the small stuff" it's all small stuff. :coollook:

Mister Chris.

jenrninmi, MSN, RN · Nov 8, 2004

No, but we've thought about it. I graduate in April and if things don't change then we'll see. It is definately something we don't want for us or the kids but after 11 years of marriage ( I was 20 when we married, he was 24), I feel we've outgrown eachother and have some different goals. Also, too many times he treats me like he's my father and doesn't want me to be my own person. That's got to change! :uhoh21:

I'm editing this to say, my husband is great when it comes to taking care of us financially and he picks up my slack around the hourse whenever he can. The days I have a later class, he picks the kids up at daycare and makes dinner, cleans where he can...does almost all the ironing and does a lot of laundry. He does about 90% of the yardwork and can fix absolutely anything that breaks! He is also very supportive when it comes to my school, when he can be. Sometimes he has to go out of town for work and sometimes he is gone with the Army National Guard for weeks a time...this is when it can get pretty difficult for me. Where he lacks is him letting me be my own person. He thinks I should ask him permission for anything I do and, hello! I'm 31-years-old and I should not have to ask him if he thinks it's all right if I make myself an alcoholic beverage! Our communication is really sucking right now, but we always seem to get it back after a while. :uhoh3:

RedSox33RN · Nov 8, 2004

I'm going through a seperation and divorce now. It's very difficult, only because I'm trying to find a place to live, so am still here now. I need to find a place big enough for myself and 4 kids within our school district. I have enough money to buy a condo, so it's just waiting for the financing to go through. It makes for uncomfortable living situation though. I'm holed up in my room studying when he's here, which luckily isn't until later on in the evening, so I get a good amount of time with the kids and make dinner (except when my 14yo makes it - she LIKES cooking - YEAH!) and clean.

Since I don't need the money, I've decided to be very, very reasonable in terms of child support (none, since we'll share custody. He's a good dad, just a lousy husband) and no alimony, and I'm walking away from the house and land. If he feels generous and wants to give me 5 acres to sell for myself, fine, but if he puts up a stink, forget it. It's not worth the aggravation to me.

I'm sorry you're going through this Michelle. I know how tough it is to be worrying about a relationship AND the stress of such a demanding course-load. Please feel free to PM if you want. (((HUGS)))

RN-TO-BE · Nov 9, 2004

I am not separated or divorced at the present time but I think that things are definitely heading in that direction. I graduate in May and if things do not change, I am gone. My DH works out of town (1 hour commute) and thinks that his excuse for not doing anything. I take care of the kids 100%...we have 2 children. I take and pick up them up from school, take to soccer practices, dance, do homework, etc. I do all the cooking, cleaning, and laundry around the house. I even mow the grass and do all of the yardwork. And when I find time I study...amazingly, I have kept a 3.5 GPA. DH thinks that because he is supporting me financially that is enough. He is never home...he is always off with his friends or hunting. I really feel like I am separated except that he is supplying me with financial support. Don't get me wrong,I am thankful for the financial support but I feel that is all that he is inputing into the marriage. I try to talk with him about it but he says that he is doing his part and that is all that he is supposed to do. I am going to suggest counseling and see if he is willing. My children love their father so much and I know that it would devastate them to find out that we are separating. So, I want to try everything to make it work between us before I give up for my kids sake. Plus, he is already telling me that he knows that I am just holding on for financial reasons until I graduate. It does make me feel guilty....I just keep praying that he is going to change the way he feels about everything.....

Just wanted to let you know that you are not alone by no means. I will be praying for you....

BadBird, BSN, RN · Nov 9, 2004

Yup, but I waited until I graduated, it was the best present I ever gave myself. Good luck to you.