Published May 4, 2001
After reading the thread about the jokes by Jay Leno and the comments. We do need to gain some thicker skin I agree but it reminded me of this dissertation "manuscript" this PHD is/was trying to sell I found on another board. This guy is actually writing a novel about sexism in nursing atleast from his point of view. I thought it was crazy , I wanted to post it here and get your reactions, this is part of the reason why we need to be aware of what is going on, people like this guy, next thing you know we will have a new diagnosis called Nursing sexual adversion disorder or post traumatic spousal nurse reactions...Lord what these people do for attention. Here is a small excert you can find the whole 4 chapters over at another bb here: http://discussion.aboutnursing.net/read.php?f=2&i=132&t=132
This is for real....
All Rights Reserved Version 2
E-mail contact for response to Manuscript: [email protected]
Husbands of Nurses
The Great Untold Story of Suppressed Sexual Frustration in Modern
Patricia Gail Smith, R.N.
Damon Smith, Ph.D.
Introduction:This is a book unlike any that you have ever read or probably will ever read again. It violates a social "taboo" and discusses an aspect of our society that all of us have wondered about at one time or another in our lives: "how can a man married to a pretty young nurse feel comfortable about what she does in the hospital, taking care of all those male patients?". We all realize that this has to be a strange situation for the husband and his wife, but we accept it as a necessary aspect of taking care of society’s needs.
If you are the husband of a nurse, you know that society tells you that you have no right to feel uncomfortable about your wife’s attentive care-giving to other men in the clinical setting. Because she is a medical professional and only "doing her job", you are supposed to deny and suppress any feelings of jealousy and discomfort, even in your realization that the men she cares for sometimes enjoy her attentions as a sexual experience. Our society is not perfect and nobody ever said that life is fair. Society does what it has to do, in matching its resources with its needs. It needs young married women to work as nurses, so it dictates that you will "look the other way" and accept her interactions with these men, regardless of how extreme the exposure and contact, and feel only pride that your wife is caring for those in need.
Today’s woman is an independent human being living in a free society, and she has the right to do whatever job she wants to do. But there was a time in our society when no self-respecting husband would even consider allowing his wife to see, much less touch, the naked body of another man. Nursing in those days was performed by Catholic nuns and other unmarried women. But now a woman can pursue nursing as a career without asking for anybody’s permission. That’s the way it is in today’s social and political setting, and that’s great. The only problem is that men have basic instinctual feelings about their wives and their interactions with other men that have been programmed into their genetic makeup over millions of years. The social and political changes that have occurred over the last thousand years have done nothing to alter the gut response of the human male animal. Basic human nature hasn’t changed, but our society has. Therein lies the basic conflict and the reason for this book.
As the husband of a nurse, after you read this book, you may feel better about what your wife does in the clinical setting. But our real hope is that you will feel better about yourself, and that you will have an understanding of what is real and what is artificial about the nursing profession. And hopefully, you will understand that you have a right to "think like a man", and "think like a husband", because that’s what you are, and you don’t have to apologize to anyone for feeling that way, especially to your wife.
After reading this book, you may for the first time in your marriage, be able to "get real" with your wife about what she does. You may be able to understand what she feels about your role as the husband of a nurse and why she feels that way. And you may come to understand why she believes that it is reasonable and fair to conceal from you what she sees and does with her male patients, behind closed doors where you are forbidden to go.
And most importantly, you may bring to the surface and openly discuss feelings of sexual frustration that you have been programmed by society to deny and suppress, which affect the quality of your relationship with the person you love.
And if you are a nurse, after reading this book, you may come to realize that society has used you for its purposes and programmed you to believe, quite remarkably, that you can go beyond social sexual norms as a part of your job and have a comfortable and stress-free relationship with your husband. You may think back over the years of your training in nursing school and find it somewhat curious that no one ever discussed with you, even once, the rather obvious fact that what nurses do can produce frustration in a husband and cause problems for your marriage. There’s a reason for this. Society doesn’t want you to think about that, it just wants you to go and take care of those patients.
We have written this book together, as a nurse and her husband, to put some reality into the artificial concepts surrounding the nursing profession, and to help nurses and their husbands to understand the forces at work which put them in a frustrating and difficult situation. Gail is a Registered Nurse and Damon is a scientist working in the space program. We are not experts in psychology, but we feel that we have insight into the problem, because we have experienced it first hand. And perhaps more importantly, we have the commitment to be "real" and "tell it like it is", at least within the limits of our perception and understanding of the problem and its causes.
That is one of the most bizarre things I have ever seen in nursing!!! This couple has been watching too much Jay Leno? Or else (I went to the site and copied the opening paragraph) the operative word here is "space."
"My wife and I have just finished the manuscript for a book concerning the suppressed sexual frustrations of the husbands of nurses. My wife is an RN and I am a scientist (Ph.D.) working in the space program, in Houston Texas."
What a hoot!
Zee_RN, BSN, RN
OMG "conceal what I do with my male patients behind closed doors where you (the husband) are forbidden to go..." Yeesh!! I'd just love my husband to see what I do on a daily basis...male or female patients, I don't care! That statement is unbelievable! As any sane nurse knows, there is nothing sexual about what we do with the "male body." His nurse-wife must be a loon to even think about participating in a book like this.
My husband had a good laugh about this one!!
I agree with the general idea that it is difficult at times to be married to a nurse, but not for the reasons that are expressed in this "book" (I can't believe they wrote a whole book on this stuff!) My husband is more worried about the everyday abuses that I have experienced over the years as a nurse.
Male patients pinching me, grabbing me, calling me honey, sweety, or blondey. Not to mention the abuse from male doctors! He very much respects me and what I do for a living and expects others to treat me the same.
I have e-mailed these two individuals and wished them luck in finding a publisher. Geez!
I have to admit-I read the whole manuscript(I also read the headlines in the supermarket tabloids-when no-one is looking)What a hoot! This guy is a wack job-fruit loop....
I am sorry that your husband, despite his impressive post-graduate education and career, is clearly a maladjusted, insanely possessive, irrationally jealous individual with low self-esteem and no confidence whatsoever in his wife's ability to remain pure of thought while performing incredibly arousing tasks such as inserting Foleys and bathing unconscious 80-year-olds. However, please don't assume that other nurses' marriages are as dysfunctional as your own.
I urge you to A) get marital counseling stat, and B)keep your pretentious, pseudo-quasi-psychobabble theories all to yourselves. Thank you and kindest regards, Stargazer
I read the first two chapters and all I can say is.... Wow this guy is messed up!
All this talk about sexual fantasies in the OR and washing genitals... is that what we do all day?
Thanks for posting this, I needed a good laugh!
Every time I think about that whole nurse as sexual object persona I get so pissed off. I have never gotten sexually aroused at work caring for patients and I doubt anyone else has either. Where do they get these crazy ideas??
I'll tell you why this guy's nurse-wife wrote the book with him - $$$$$$$$$$$$$. All this stupid book is going to do is further perpetuate the fantasy idea of nurse as slut/hooker or whatever. Give me a break.
this guy's a sick idiot
sounds like a personal problem to me...ha LOL
Doey, BSN, RN
Quoted from the manuscript:
"Male genitalia are soaped up with wet sudsy cleaning solution and manipulated under bright lights, maybe by his pretty young wife, with male coworkers watching, producing an image which is pornographic in the extreme."
From a CRNA who was quoted:
".... As to your question. I mostly just have my suppositions to go on. Haven't heard nurses in OR saying much about it, is taboo it seems. I know they get kidded allot when doing the male prep. You know wise cracks from the Drs. and such. The thing I like to watch is when they get into it, their eyes kind of glaze over, you know the look on someone's face when they are having a pleasurable fantasy. I think they talk to each other about it. But I seriously doubt most women go home and talk about it to their husbands, you know how jealous most husbands are. They might make them look for another job.... About half of the women are religious also, so the subject of carnal pleasure is taboo in this situation also. These are my thoughts on the subject and may be totally off base, but I don't think so...... "
These two are idiots. And who are these people they quote? Made up fictitious people I think. I don't know about the rest of you, but when I'm caring for a male pt. with the help of a male co-worker I really don't think it makes for a pronographic scenario and neither one of us is getting off on it.
If anyones eyes are "glazed over" it's probably due to low blood sugar from not having eaten all day or the nurse is ready to fall over from exhaustion!!
Or maybe I'm just repressing my sexual feelings like society wants. You think?
Whoa--Look out! The sequel to this book will be on the shelves soon. The title is "Sexually suppressed nurses and why they eat their young." J/K of course.
BTW, whats with "the pretty young nurse?" mentioned in the manuscript? Sounds like fiction, the average age being 45-47, it should read "pretty middle-aged burned out nurse" and how about these male patients? All I had were elderly women and men mostly. Now that would make for interesting reading.
This guy is a bozo.
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