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Anxious, depressed, and might need to go to HR.

Nurses   (4,275 Views | 37 Replies)

BeatsPerMinute has 5 years experience as a BSN, RN and specializes in Cardiac.

4,926 Profile Views; 136 Posts

You are reading page 2 of Anxious, depressed, and might need to go to HR.. If you want to start from the beginning Go to First Page.

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I hate that so much of nursing and even nursing school operates on threats and intimidation. Corporate jobs do not. You can be out of there on a travel nurse contract in a matter of weeks. You are ICU, the top dog. You can go anywhere, anytime. If you want to stay and fight, I might start consulting a highly recommended employment and labor attorney to prepare to build a case for what sounds like an inevitable lawsuit.

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10GaugeNeedles has 11 years experience as a BSN and specializes in CCRN.

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I had a VERY similar experience. You have to leave. That was the only solution for me. And you know what? It was the best choice I ever made. Different hospital, different unit, different state, different something, but you have to leave. Your mental health is more important than this one job. I feel for you. I HATE that this happens to us. But it’s way too common. HR won’t help. You have to leave.

i went agency, layed  low for a while till her reference didn’t matter anymore, then applied at a new hospital. U can try that if you need an immediate solution.

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10GaugeNeedles has 11 years experience as a BSN and specializes in CCRN.

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On 4/21/2019 at 2:16 PM, BeatsPerMinute said:

Thank you to everyone who has replied ❤️ I have been feeling so stuck and unsure of what to do... the responses are really helping me see the situation & options more clearly, reflect, and move forward.. 

I will continue searching for jobs, document everything, and explore the HR option. When I go to work I will better practice guarding myself against the intimidation and just focus on providing the best care that I can for my patients. I will continue counseling and take better care of myself when I am not at work. I hate that I have let this affect me so much, but it is what it is, and I am learning from it. Please continue to share thoughts, stories and experiences - they are truly helpful and provide more ideas for me to work with as I navigate through the situation.  

Again, thank you all very much. I sincerely appreciate the advice and encouragement.

Happy Easter! 

One more thing. Don’t try to “be better.” You will kill yourself trying to find the flaws in your practice that just aren’t there. Did anybody get hurt because of you? No? Would you be satisfied if you were the nurse taking care of you? Yes? Then you can’t fix what ain’t broke. Don’t let this person make you second guess yourself constantly. That was my mistake. It took me years to get over the second guessing and self doubt. You do NOT deserve this. But you also won’t be able to fix it. Again, I suggest signing up with a local agency and simply saying on the application that you don’t want your old job contacted. Get former managers and safe peers to reference you. Good luck.

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1 Follower; 623 Posts; 2,996 Profile Views

Any manager worth anything will give specific examples and specific steps that you should take to improve.  This one isn't.  Which makes me think she is a piss poor manager, a good manager never berates someone in public, ever.  that in itself is reportable.  Get a good knowledge of the expectations that this person is supposed to meet. Make specific detailed accounts of how those expectations have not been met, hey, tit for tat you know?  Get the dirt on her.  While you are doing this ask her for written directions of what she wants you do to, etc, get her pinned down, don't let her just verbally tell you, she can recant anything if there are no witnesses.  AND, get the hell out of there asap.  She won't stay probably, then in a year or so maybe you can return if you love it so much.  Just be sure to follow procedure and use the hospital policies to your advantage.  They are set up in a way to help everyone, not just a bad manager.

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Apple-Core has 1 years experience as a ASN, BSN, RN.

1 Follower; 1,013 Posts; 6,058 Profile Views

Document everything - time, date, incident, what was said. EVERYTHING. Also I would notate everything that you did alongside her complaints. Obviously be wary of privacy laws, but otherwise cover yourself. Gather previous reviews and if possible get letters of recommendation.

It sounds from what you've said that she has taken a personal dislike to you. Personally if it was me, I'd be proactive in this and not be lurking around waiting to be dragged into an office and put down....

I'd go to her and speak my mind. Firmly but politely. Have everything written down. State your case. Cover yourself. I'd be very clear in stating that a good manager guides and encourages, and wants the best for everyone around them so that the team is better as a whole. Personal opinions that cannot be backed up with fact are just that - subjective opinion. If she has a problem you need facts and evidence in black and white, not just random accusations.

Ask her to provide such things, and be sure you get it in writing from her. If she has any valid points then you need to be given the opportunity to correct them. Make that clear to her too. She can't just throw comments around without guidance, that's ridiculous management.

I know how you feel, I've been there. It's horrific. Start looking for another job as backup just incase you need to bail on this one, but DO NOT leave yourself vulnerable like this. Bullies can smell fear a mile off - you need to be proactive and protect yourself. Best of luck!

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On ‎4‎/‎20‎/‎2019 at 11:57 AM, kp2016 said:

I started a new job a few years ago in an area where I had years of experience. My preceptor (who had significantly less experience in this specialty) was a nightmare. Criticized me constantly, publically and in front of patients. It was so unprofessional she was once shamed into apologizing to me when the patient told her her comments were mean and unnecessary. Our unit manager took every negative thing she said about me as fact. I was given several unfair verbal performance corrections. After a few months I was beginning to wonder if I really was as lacking in knowledge and skill as this person as this person managed to mentioned to me daily. I was terrified that I would be fired and given how apparently incompetent I was, would never get another job. I was depressed and hated going to work. I fantasized daily about walking out and never going back.

Preceptor left abruptly and the manager was fired (for incompetence !!) Our new manager gave me a glowing performance appraisal and a pay rise. Sometimes it really isn't you. I have never gone to HR, mainly because I don't believe they will do anything. I also believe from my own experience that many people on your unit are well aware you are being treated this way and don't want to get involved least they get the same treatment. If I was you I either pray the manager gets fired or start looking for a new job. 

The point about coworkers not wanting to get involved is very important.

You can't trust that they are telling you the truth about how great your charting is or how perfect your work is.  And I'm not saying you are not a great nurse.  I'm saying that coworkers generally will not back you up or stand up for you because they either don't really care or they fear trouble for themselves if they do.

See if it's legal to record your talks with your boss, then do it if it is legal.

Ask her directly what the real problem is if you don't mind confrontation.

HR is going to do what's best for the facility, not for you.  HR is definitely not your friend.

Good luck.

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20 Posts; 572 Profile Views

For one of my prerequisite classes, (I am currently a nursing student in an RN program who occasionally browses these forums) I was required to read a book titled "dealing with people you can't stand". I would recommend this to you, because it talks about how to deal with different types of personalities in the workplace, and how to stay professional in doing so. It could be very helpful for your situation and I couldn't help but throw it out there. Here is a link to a copy on amazon.

https://www.amazon.com/Dealing-People-Stand-Revised-Expanded/dp/0071785728/ref=pd_lpo_sbs_14_t_1?_encoding=UTF8&psc=1&refRID=B3WBHR5JEX7PEF76EXD8

Even if this book is of no use or help to you, I wish you the best with whatever you decide. 

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Ruby Vee has 40 years experience as a BSN and specializes in CCU, SICU, CVSICU, Precepting & Teaching.

11 Followers; 66 Articles; 13,949 Posts; 172,662 Profile Views

Do you have a union?  Your union representative might be able to help you figure out what your options are.

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BeatsPerMinute has 5 years experience as a BSN, RN and specializes in Cardiac.

136 Posts; 4,926 Profile Views

Just wanted to say thank you guys for your continued responses. I read through them all before I go to work. It helps ❤️ Will be keeping all these things in mind.

Staying focused on my patients when I work. Have applied to a number of RN positions - already got some call backs for interviews. Excited & hopeful. Just gotta push through now. 

Gathering notes of the negative interactions & meetings with my manager with dates and any witnesses as I remember them. Will be mindful to document it as it continues...  Also have my resume, previous performance reviews (which are positive), certifications, committee work and preceptor docs altogether. Prepping myself to go to HR - just in case... I am not optimistic, but if it comes to it, best to be prepared.. Management is ruthless. Each week is worse than the previous. Have a bad feeling. Idk what it is.. just that weird, gut feeling that something is gonna happen, that I do not have much time left to work with. Also just plain exhausted. 

Will check out the book, Stephaniej - thank you. 

Ruby Vee - no, we do not have a union 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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NRSKarenRN has 40 years experience as a BSN, RN and specializes in Vents, Telemetry, Home Care, Home infusion.

5 Followers; 10 Articles; 14,782 Posts; 163,548 Profile Views

Consider contacting your facilities EAP program ---it's a FREE confidential workplace service that employers pay for.  EAP helps employees deal with employee, work-life stressors, family issues, financial concerns, relationship problems, and even drug or legal concerns.    My employer's EAP provided 3 free phone counseling sessions and would link one to community counseling with discounted cost when further counseling desired.

Wishing you better days ahead.

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26 Posts; 1,073 Profile Views

It’s good to be self aware, to be able to know the areas that you can improve on, and to work on said areas. However, it sounds like the issue at hand is the nurse manager. Unfortunately in life, my experience has revealed that there are people for one reason or another that try to bring others down. It’s important to remind yourself of your good qualities and to be confident in yourself as much as you can. I know it can be hard to be confident when bruised from emotional distress which is why I encourage you to surround yourself with positivity and to be kind to yourself as it can be critical to healing yourself. It sounds to me that you are a great nurse so keep being just that! I’m sorry that you are experiencing what you are experiencing and wishing you a better work environment. All the best! 

 

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Feral.Cat.Herder has 27 years experience as a LPN and specializes in Peds, MS, DIDD, Corrections, HH, LTC, School Nurse.

1 Follower; 188 Posts; 2,377 Profile Views

On 4/20/2019 at 11:08 AM, verene said:

I am tempted to secretly audio record these conversations, as odd as it would be. But that would be proof. 

Be careful, as it as already been stated, in some states this is illegal.  I have used email as proof many times. I know it may be a bit late in your case, but if you do have any emails that would be proof for case, use them. 

Short story.... I worked with a nurse that always wanted to play the victim and tell our supervisor that the nurses weren't team players and that we all purposely left her out of things and how she wasn't privy to important info.  I began emailing her to inform her of important info that was coming down the pike, I would email her to invite her to participate in the various special things we were doing as a team and for our clinic nurses. She would always decline with some excuse and then go to our supervisor and complain about how no one included her on things and how she didn't know about changes because no one told her.  When the supervisor came to me to inquiry about the accusations I printed all the emails, he read them and realize she was the problem, not the team, and he addressed her about her attitude and passive-aggressive behavior. 

Let us know how things go for you. Best of luck!!

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