2years on the ICU & in trouble with the supervisor who started at the beginning of the year. The new boss frequently pulls me into her office to talk about "concerns". She said other nurses have witnessed me doing things incorrectly, that my charting is wrong, the MD's are becoming less confident/trusting in me, and that I keep making mistakes. She drills me on why I did this or that on a patient I took care of 2-3 weeks ago (as if I could remember...). She has shouted at me in her office and in the hallways a few times. When I ask her why she is concerned, for more details on the situation she's concerned about, or when I ask to look at my charting with her (so I can see what this problem is, and fix it) her response is that she "does not have time" .. or she just changes the subject. She has told me that I had better fix my faults, however, or we were going to head down the disciplinary action road, and if things do not change: termination.
I was shocked... My previous boss gave me positive reviews, commenting that I was consistently "cool, calm, and collected." He corrected me / pointed out my weaknesses when warranted, but with full explanation, and was always supportive & encouraging. I am certified / trained to care for any patient who walked into the ICU. I precept students and new nurses. I get along with my peers, even go out with the crew after work sometimes. I am on two different ICU unit committees. I am a focused worker. I do not understand what I am doing so terribly wrong.
I tried to handle this on my own for awhile, (stayed late to chart every shift, triple checked everything, pushed myself harder and harder to ensure everything was 100% correct)... but the complaints from my supervisor continued and got worse, and now a couple of the charge nurses are following her lead... I eventually confided to 2 nurse friends I trusted. I asked them to review my charting and even "nit-pick" at my nursing practice / patient care and to help me discover these "faults" ...but they said that they had no concerns, as I am always critcally thinking, asking questions when uncertain. They even chuckled with how I practice things in a very "OCD" like fashion - constantly rechecking everything. One of the girls recommended going to HR. Nurse friend #2 disagreed, arguing that they saying on the side of the hospital, not the nurses, and that these things rarely work out well for the nurse.
Fast forward: its been 4 months. I work tomorrow early morning, but am up @ 0130, unable to sleep again because I am dreading work, am anxious about work, and cannot stop thinking about work. I started applying to other positions...which breaks my heart as I loved this job until now and was good at it. I fear getting fired, and my confidence as a critical care nurse is dwindling. I have nightmares about me accidentally killing patients and wake up in the middle of the night in panic. Work never leaves my mind... it consumes me every single day.. Maybe I am placing too much importance on this - it just a job - I tend to be a worst case scenario thinker.. i would hate to lose this position.. I moved over 1000 miles away from home for this job.
I started going to counseling last week. I am exhausted, sleep deprived.... I feel demoralized and torn down. My counselor actually recommended that I go to HR for this situation... I am afraid (never done it... I hear "HR" and think -> "HR is on company side, not on your side" -> "you're just gonna shoot yourself in the foot or get fired if you go to HR")
I need advice... and would appreciate personal examples / stories, if you have them. I am naive, and something like this has never happened to me. Would you recommend HR? Were you afraid of going to them? Have you had experiences going to HR about something similar? What do I even say / where do I start? How else would you address the situation?
