I am searching for some guidance. I can not get over some mistakes I have made YEARS ago. Simply because they seem so damn stupid to me now. For example, I keep replaying this patient scenario...
I was in my early 20's and my first year as a CNA. I was working home care. I was working at a home of an older gentleman and one of his tasks for the day was to wash his feet. I asked if the other CNA's usually washed this man's feet and he responded no but they are suppose to.
I filled a basin with hot water from the man's apartment sink. I recall having my hands in the basin with my gloves on and it may have been a little steamy like a hot bath I can't recall for sure. I asked if the water was too hot each time he began to put his foot in (as I was there a few days and washed his feet a few times) I remember him saying something along the lines of "I can't tell" or "feels like nothing to me." I thought it was an odd response but took it as the water was not too hot. I would wash, lightly dry, lotion and put his socks back on.
Months later, sitting in one of my first semesters of nursing school it clicked that this man had diabetic neuropathy he couldn't feel the water at all. That anxious "how did you not know that WOW! Were you thinking" feeling kicked in ... and for some of these mistakes hasn't left since.
The water was likely WAY to hot the feet were soaked and not properly dried as they should be for diabetics. I will never know if this caused this poor man burns that could lead to more serious issues. I remember leaving those days thinking I did something good for this patient other CNA's refused to do. Now I just can't stop thinking of how many mistakes I made that harmed patient's that I didn't notice.
Do I have no common sense? I feel like a failure for these mistakes and wonder how many I make as a nurse each day from knowledge I haven't acquired yet.
If you are not able to leave this in the past as others advised, get some help from a professional. Talk to a therapist to work through the guilt.
Only then can you become your best self and best nurse.
Best wishes, my friend
Thank you! I have been considering doing that. However, it would be nice to speak with a professional in that field who has some nursing background as well to go through some situations from work with. I am having trouble finding someone who matches that description in my area. However, in our virtual world I would love any suggestions of possible online nurse coaching/therapy/etc! ?
In the self-help arena (like the woo-woo stuff on Instagram), it’s common for people to say: “I don’t regret the decisions I made back then. I was doing the best with what I had at the moment.” I try to give myself grace and remember that little nugget. If you were to stick a diabetic’s foot into hot water NOW, you would have cause to be mad at yourself. But at the time, you didn’t have that knowledge. You can’t be faulted for something you didn’t know. You were making the best decision you could with what you had. All you can do is move forward now with your current expertise.
Are you a Christian? If yes, have you prayed for forgiveness? If yes then God has forgiven you, why do you refuse his grace?
Mya Angelou said that we do the best we can and when we know better we do better. Once you learned better you did better. Move on.
I forget who said this one, but "you don't get clean by rolling in the mud. Do whatever you consider right to pay for your mistake and then move on. The move on part seems to be the area in which you are having trouble.
I've seen far graver mistakes. What we considered a very bright young ICU nurse gave a paralytic to an unintubated patient for an MRI. Your mistake was small and if the water didn't burn you hands then it is unlikely that it caused that gentleman any harm. It is past time to move on.
Many different cultures have purification rituals. Perhaps it is time that you found one that fits you background.
Penitence and forgiveness are powerful words. You are already penitent. It is time for forgiveness.
Thank you! I have been considering doing that. However, it would be nice to speak with a professional in that field who has some nursing background as well to go through some situations from work with. I am having trouble finding someone who matches that description in my area. However, in our virtual world I would love any suggestions of possible online nurse coaching/therapy/etc! ?
You cannot change what has happened. Maybe sit down and write a letter to those patients...and then rip it up. Or have an out loud conversation in the car with yourself.
I solve LOTS of problems that way... not sure what people in the next car think ?. But verbalizing and/or writing are very cathartic, for me.
Mistakes happen , that was along time ago and you did not know . I am a NICU baby nurse and teach the new moms to check the water before bathing by testing it on my forearm or elbow . I explain to them I wash my dishes in hot water and I am used to it, so I would not feel that it is hot when it actually is. I remember when I was young my mom was diabetic and had neuropathy and stepped on a metal belt and it went through her foot and she walked around with it not knowing , I will forever have that image in my mind . I started as a CNA at a nursing home oh the mistakes I have made , it is part of learning .
Specializes in Peds/outpatient FP,derm,allergy/private duty.
On 2/9/2021 at 4:06 PM, anxiousnewgrad58 said:
Thank you! I have been considering doing that. However, it would be nice to speak with a professional in that field who has some nursing background as well to go through some situations from work with. I am having trouble finding someone who matches that description in my area. However, in our virtual world I would love any suggestions of possible online nurse coaching/therapy/etc! ?
I commend you for being so open to that idea. Obsessive thoughts like that are no fun. You will often hear people say "well, there's nothing you can do about that now, is there?" While this is true, it doesn't make the worrying automatically vanish.
Your username indicates you're a new grad. Just about everything looms large at first. It could be that as you become more comfortable in your new role, things should smooth out or become displaced with more realistic concerns you can actually do something about.
As to specific suggestions, I do know that many licensed nurses branch out and become therapists, "life coaches", or add a mental health advanced degree to their nursing degrees, but not all of their clients are nurses. Some of them have written articles here. That is at least a starting point.
Burn nurse here: From a practical standpoint, if you had burned his feet it would have been apparent quickly. He would have had redness or blisters or sloughing skin. It's not something that would only have shown up several days later. (Maybe several hours later, but you washed his feet on different days so you would have seen the problem.)
But I get that it's hard to let go of the feeling that something *could* have gone wrong and you were just lucky it didn't. When I was really new I accidentally took the luer-lock connector off of a PICC line when disconnecting the IV tubing. Then I left the room. The patient could have bled out (over a long time) through this unclamped line, but fortunately it must have been positional and it didn't bleed. When I saw the problem I cleaned the hub and put on a new connector and all was well but I was still shaken up. And I've never done it again! Now I tell this story to new co-workers who have made a mistake and are convinced it's the end of the world. I don't want new people to feel like they need to be perfect or can't admit a mistake...that only leads to more (and bigger) mistakes.
Take a deep breath and give yourself room to chill. Introspection is important, but playing Monday quarterback over things that are no longer in your control is a futile endeavor that will ultimately cause you misery.
I came across this thread and need some guidance as well, recently I remember a time I didn’t wipe a hdc port before accessing it, about 5 mins later, I wiped the port before connecting the patient to fluids, I forgot about it up until a while after and I’ve been trying to recall my last encounter with the patient if they were different or affected by that, they were same baseline as they were when I first met them, but it doesn’t stop me from thinking, could they have gotten an infection and could it have gone unnoticed
I came across this thread and need some guidance as well, recently I remember a time I didn’t wipe a hdc port before accessing it, about 5 mins later, I wiped the port before connecting the patient to fluids, I forgot about it up until a while after and I’ve been trying to recall my last encounter with the patient if they were different or affected by that, they were same baseline as they were when I first met them, but it doesn’t stop me from thinking, could they have gotten an infection and could it have gone unnoticed
They could have. In the scheme of things this is a minor mistake, but even minor mistakes can have consequences. Handling a central venous access is a lousy place to cut corners to save time or play "catch up." Don't wallow in worry. Just do it right the first time every time and don't beat yourself up if you make an occasional mistake. We are all human. I've found as I've grown in my nursing career that it saves time to take a little extra time when necessary to do things right the first time. Redoing something or dealing with the consequences of something done shoddily is always more costly, frequently in more way than one.
This situation reminds me of a saying by Maya Angelou. "You do the best you can and when you know better you do better." Now you know better. So, do better.
anxiousnewgrad58
9 Posts
Thank you! I have been considering doing that. However, it would be nice to speak with a professional in that field who has some nursing background as well to go through some situations from work with. I am having trouble finding someone who matches that description in my area. However, in our virtual world I would love any suggestions of possible online nurse coaching/therapy/etc! ?