This thread is about the real thing.........you know, gassssssss. Intestinal, that is. Flatulence. Flatus. Fluffing. OK, farting. And what I want to know is, WHY in God's earth does it hit you so hard in middle age?!
Here's the issue. Up until about six months ago, I never had a problem with gas. Sure, I suppose I produced the usual amount during sleep, when one has little control over such things.......I certainly didn't do it during waking hours, except, of course, for belching whenever I drank soda pop too fast. Now, however, I can barely go a day without having to take Gas-X to remain socially acceptable. I mean, this stuff is EVIL.......not only is it noisy, but sometimes there's a toxic cloud that causes the eyes to weep and the family to hightail it out of the house before it chokes them.
It's SO difficult to remain a lady with this daily battle going on between my intestines and my sense of propriety. When I complained to my DH about it, he simply said, "Welcome to middle age!" Thanks a lot, Mister Eight-Years-Older! Of course, he's been rather, uh, boisterous since HIS mid-40s too, but being a man, he's somewhat insulated from the social opprobrium that I would face if I were to trumpet as raucously (and as frequently) as my innards call for.
So, what the hell is going on? Is it just aging? Is it due to overweight, nerves, a bad diet, or all the Diet Coke I drink? To be honest, I do consume a large amount of the stuff, but all it ever made me do in the past was burp, and while that's not very nice, it's not the end of the world. This, on the other hand, is not only embarrassing, but it's become amazingly difficult to control.........at any moment you can hear my poor outraged insides groaning and gurgling, and you don't even need a stethoscope! Some days it's not bad at all, but other days I live in fear of some of these odoriferous emanations escaping, and sometimes I just have to duck into an empty room (at work) or run for the bathroom (at home) and let 'er rip.
Please, somebody, help me before I have to buy stock in the Gas-X company or completely alienate everyone I live and work with!:imbar Thank you!!
Specializes in LTC, assisted living, med-surg, psych.
Fran........can't say I've ever tried the cork approach, but it's an intriguing idea, and brings ever so much hilarity to the mental imagery that comes to mind!
Hey, this would be a great way to get even with a doc who's being a real jerk, or a patient who won't stay off the call light, or that pesky co-worker who's always going around behind other nurses' backs looking for mistakes! Just bend over, aim, and pphhhhhfff-TING! right in the forehead.
Oh, either my Soma is kicking in, or I've just lost my mind......good night!
Specializes in LTC, CPR instructor, First aid instructor..
:rotfl: :rotfl: Can you imagine if the cork hit dear sir doctor in the mouth as he was about to say something? Or hit the pesty patient in the head, knocking him/her out and thinking the patient went to sleep on the pain med that was given 45 minutes earlier? Or the nosy nurse who gets hit in the eye while she's looking to get one on you?
Oh what fun it is to play and sing a song tonight.
Nighty nite
Sleep tight, and don't let those little old bed bugs bite now, ya hear?
If you have dietary habits that you suspect could be the cause of your nether decibels, why don't you try eliminating them systematically? I'd start with the diet Coke. There is nothing good about soda, your body will never miss it. As they say, don't try to eliminate a bad habit, simply start a new good habit to replace it. You might really benefit from drinking plain old water.
We all have our crosses to bear. Yours are probably manageable. You have the answers already, you know.
Specializes in LTC, CPR instructor, First aid instructor..
I don't know if Streamlined is referring to you or to me, Mj, but that certainlly wasn't a very respectful introduction to the message.
If the individual is referring to me, well, I already addressed that issue, and have come to the conclusion it's from the side effects of all the meds I take. Whatever. I was just trying to have some fun.
Specializes in LTC, assisted living, med-surg, psych.
Fran.....Jen.......I'm glad you all are enjoying this thread, as am I. I've literally had to wipe tears out of my eyes after reading some of the posts! This is just one of those subjects that either breaks you up or totally turns you off, and I guess Streamlined didn't appreciate the humor. S/he did offer some good advice though, so I won't dismiss his/her post entirely.
For the rest of us who never quite finished growing up, however, let's not allow anything to spoil the fun! I mean, if you're gonna have a gas problem, you might as well laugh......almost everyone else does.......especially when you get caught in the act :chuckle :imbar
This time, it was one of my cats that gave me away. I was sitting up in bed reading last night, and a couple of one-noters slipped out. I thought my hubby had managed not to hear them, as he was deeply immersed in some Pearl Harbor commemoration on the History Channel, but Rosie immediately dove under the covers and proceeded to chase whatever had made the noise! It didn't help that she came out looking utterly confused.....Bill took one look at her and said, "Didn't find that fart, did you, Rose?":imbar
Specializes in LTC, CPR instructor, First aid instructor..
:D Poor Rosie. Nearly got asphyxiated. Phew that was close!
Don't forget about the occasional burp, and the hiccup. Wonder what our bodies would do if all three things happened in unison. I'd probably laugh so hard I'd wet myself. He, he, he:chuckle
I have to post if only to get this thread bumped back up where it belongs...you guys are hilarious!:rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl:
I have to agree with Jen, cause I have the same problem...but I can blame it on the residents!
Unfortunately though, I KNOW the CNA's (bless their hearts..) have got to know, cause the poor gals always find a reason to have to walk behind me or have some need to talk to me at the very time one of the silent but deadly ones come!
And try as I might, they are sneaky little devils, aren't they?:imbar
Specializes in LTC, assisted living, med-surg, psych.
You know what's funny? My family's reaction to the idea of a bunch of (mostly) middle-aged people sitting at their computers and 'talking' about flatulence! My sister says something along the lines of "Hmph.......some people have way too much time on their hands!" while the 12-year-old wants to know if we're talking about "queefs" too. (He recently learned what these were, and in typical adolescent fashion has become utterly fascinated with the concept.)
BTW, I've cut back a bit on the Diet Coke, and lo and behold, I'm having a bit less trouble with the internal cacophony. Honestly, I think going on the diet I'm planning to start the day after Christmas is going to help at least somewhat.....we'll see. :)
Oh, my word, I have been sitting here just laughing my head off!! What a hoot - or toot!!! I was going to suggest backing off on the diet Coke and drinking more water, but someone beat me to it.
When I was in nursing school, I was working as a tech on a med-surg floor. We had a little lady in who was confused as all get out and who was impacted probably up to her eyeballs. Well, I went in to total her I&O's and snuck out a fart. Just about made my eyes water, but I figured I was safe. Darned, but didn't the nurse walk in just then and get all excited about the patient finally passing gas!!! I didn't have the nerve to correct her. I just let her believe what she wanted!!!
Or hit the pesty patient in the head, knocking him/her out and thinking the patient went to sleep on the pain med that was given 45 minutes earlier? Or the nosy nurse who gets hit in the eye while she's looking to get one on you? 
ones come!
VivaLasViejas, ASN, RN
22 Articles; 9,996 Posts
Fran........can't say I've ever tried the cork approach, but it's an intriguing idea, and brings ever so much hilarity to the mental imagery that comes to mind!
Hey, this would be a great way to get even with a doc who's being a real jerk, or a patient who won't stay off the call light, or that pesky co-worker who's always going around behind other nurses' backs looking for mistakes! Just bend over, aim, and pphhhhhfff-TING! right in the forehead.
Oh, either my Soma is kicking in, or I've just lost my mind......good night!