This thread is about the real thing.........you know, gassssssss. Intestinal, that is. Flatulence. Flatus. Fluffing. OK, farting. And what I want to know is, WHY in God's earth does it hit you so hard in middle age?!
Here's the issue. Up until about six months ago, I never had a problem with gas. Sure, I suppose I produced the usual amount during sleep, when one has little control over such things.......I certainly didn't do it during waking hours, except, of course, for belching whenever I drank soda pop too fast. Now, however, I can barely go a day without having to take Gas-X to remain socially acceptable. I mean, this stuff is EVIL.......not only is it noisy, but sometimes there's a toxic cloud that causes the eyes to weep and the family to hightail it out of the house before it chokes them.
It's SO difficult to remain a lady with this daily battle going on between my intestines and my sense of propriety. When I complained to my DH about it, he simply said, "Welcome to middle age!" Thanks a lot, Mister Eight-Years-Older! Of course, he's been rather, uh, boisterous since HIS mid-40s too, but being a man, he's somewhat insulated from the social opprobrium that I would face if I were to trumpet as raucously (and as frequently) as my innards call for.
So, what the hell is going on? Is it just aging? Is it due to overweight, nerves, a bad diet, or all the Diet Coke I drink? To be honest, I do consume a large amount of the stuff, but all it ever made me do in the past was burp, and while that's not very nice, it's not the end of the world. This, on the other hand, is not only embarrassing, but it's become amazingly difficult to control.........at any moment you can hear my poor outraged insides groaning and gurgling, and you don't even need a stethoscope! Some days it's not bad at all, but other days I live in fear of some of these odoriferous emanations escaping, and sometimes I just have to duck into an empty room (at work) or run for the bathroom (at home) and let 'er rip.
Please, somebody, help me before I have to buy stock in the Gas-X company or completely alienate everyone I live and work with!:imbar Thank you!!
