This thread is about the real thing.........you know, gassssssss. Intestinal, that is. Flatulence. Flatus. Fluffing. OK, farting. And what I want to know is, WHY in God's earth does it hit you so hard in middle age?!
Here's the issue. Up until about six months ago, I never had a problem with gas. Sure, I suppose I produced the usual amount during sleep, when one has little control over such things.......I certainly didn't do it during waking hours, except, of course, for belching whenever I drank soda pop too fast. Now, however, I can barely go a day without having to take Gas-X to remain socially acceptable. I mean, this stuff is EVIL.......not only is it noisy, but sometimes there's a toxic cloud that causes the eyes to weep and the family to hightail it out of the house before it chokes them.
It's SO difficult to remain a lady with this daily battle going on between my intestines and my sense of propriety. When I complained to my DH about it, he simply said, "Welcome to middle age!" Thanks a lot, Mister Eight-Years-Older! Of course, he's been rather, uh, boisterous since HIS mid-40s too, but being a man, he's somewhat insulated from the social opprobrium that I would face if I were to trumpet as raucously (and as frequently) as my innards call for.
So, what the hell is going on? Is it just aging? Is it due to overweight, nerves, a bad diet, or all the Diet Coke I drink? To be honest, I do consume a large amount of the stuff, but all it ever made me do in the past was burp, and while that's not very nice, it's not the end of the world. This, on the other hand, is not only embarrassing, but it's become amazingly difficult to control.........at any moment you can hear my poor outraged insides groaning and gurgling, and you don't even need a stethoscope! Some days it's not bad at all, but other days I live in fear of some of these odoriferous emanations escaping, and sometimes I just have to duck into an empty room (at work) or run for the bathroom (at home) and let 'er rip.
Please, somebody, help me before I have to buy stock in the Gas-X company or completely alienate everyone I live and work with!:imbar Thank you!!
Specializes in LTC, assisted living, med-surg, psych.
Oh, Tom.....(wiping the tears of laughter out of my eyes so I can see the keyboard)......this just goes to show we're never too old to enjoy a good old-fashioned toot.
Only problem is, when I laugh, the intra-abdominal pressure increases in direct proportion to the degree of mirth, and, well......you know what happens then!
Specializes in LTC, CPR instructor, First aid instructor..
Mj,
The body might be 60, but the mind is definitely a 06! Yep! I finally did it! I've reached childhood number 2, and I wouldn't change it for anything, cause I'm having a BLAST! Oops,
another Faaaarrrrrrrrrtttttttt followed by a Burrrrrrrrp!
Ah! Them good old sounds, smells, and rumbles our bodies make. It's such a relief when you can let one RIP! Ahhhh. Life is gooood!
Specializes in LTC, assisted living, med-surg, psych.
BWAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Fran, you crack me up!!:rotfl: Never thought I'd be discussing flatulence with a passel of other middle-aged people who still enjoy a real ripper as much as the average 10-year-old!
I've actually had a good couple of days, although tonight I did have to let a few "sneak cheeks" out in a room I'd just finished preparing for a new admission, and was a bit red-faced when another nurse walked into the toxic fumes I'd left behind and said to the aide, "Eeeww, it smells like a$$ in here!" It was easy enough to sneak back in and spray a little foo-foo in the air to cover the noxious emissions...........but I think they suspected, anyway.
I'm going to talk to my doc about all this when I see him for my annual physical on the 15th. I'm really beginning to think my gallbladder is the reason, because I have this occasional stabbing pain under my right breast when I bend over in a certain position, which is usually followed by some sour burps (what my son calls vomit burps, or "vurps"). It feels like some creature with cold fingers is trying to rip out part of my insides. The feeling always goes away, and usually within minutes or seconds, but it's coming back on an almost daily basis. So I've probably got a cholecystectomy in my not-so-distant future. And while they're at it, I wish they'd do my long-awaited hysterectomy, tack my bladder back up where it belongs, and fix whatever is making my pelvic bones snap whenever I roll over in bed or get up from sitting in the same position for too long.
All of which brings to mind that old Rolling Stones song that went "What a drag it is gettin' old"..........
:roll "ummmm..There's more room outside than on the inside?"
If I let one..ecspecially in public..I move as fast as i can from where "the incident" happened..then peek around the corner, and say,EWWW>>WHats that smell????":coollook: :rotfl:
Specializes in LTC, assisted living, med-surg, psych.
Fran, it was ANYTHING but silent. Thank God no one was in there at the time I did it, because it sounded like a muffled rifle shot!:imbar Usually these only make noise, but this one stunk like rotten eggs!!
I have to admit, it's fun sharing these tales of the toot with fellow sufferers......it almost makes up for the loss of what dignity I might ever have had. I swear, I even do it in front of my kids sometimes!! (They, of course, get a HUGE kick out of it.) I'm looking forward to starting my diet in 3 weeks, maybe eating better will help resolve some of this. I hope, I hope........I'm so tired of having to pray, every time I have to squat down to empty a Foley bag or bend over to pick something up off the floor, that I can keep my methane to myself ("Oh Lord, keep my cheeks together and my sphincter closed!":eek: ).
Specializes in LTC, assisted living, med-surg, psych.
Originally posted by CraftyLPN
:roll "ummmm..There's more room outside than on the inside?"
If I let one..ecspecially in public..I move as fast as i can from where "the incident" happened..then peek around the corner, and say,EWWW>>WHats that smell????":coollook: :rotfl:
:chuckle :chuckle :chuckle
Or, as my father used to say: "'Tis better to fart and share the shame, than hold it in and bear the pain".
Specializes in LTC, assisted living, med-surg, psych.
BWAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHA!! Thanks, Rapheal.....that was cute!!
Here's my little rhyme: "Beans, beans, good for your heart, the more you eat, the more you fart. The more you fart, the fouler the air.....watch what comes out of your derriere!":chuckle
Specializes in LTC, CPR instructor, First aid instructor..
This is the way I learned it.
Beans beans they're good for your heart
Beans beans they make you fart
The more you fart the better you feel
So eat your beans at every meal.
And mj,
Good thing that smelly rifle was muffled. You know corks placed in your but don't work, don't you. If you have one in and bend over to say empty a catheter bag, the added pressure just shoots the thing right straight out. Could you imagine if it broke a window? Yup big trouble.
And even bigger trouble trying to explain it. Ain't life beautiful.
Yep! I finally did it! I've reached childhood number 2, and I wouldn't change it for anything, cause I'm having a BLAST!
Oops,
Never thought I'd be discussing flatulence with a passel of other middle-aged people who still enjoy a real ripper as much as the average 10-year-old!
VivaLasViejas, ASN, RN
22 Articles; 9,996 Posts
Oh, Tom.....(wiping the tears of laughter out of my eyes so I can see the keyboard)......this just goes to show we're never too old to enjoy a good old-fashioned toot.
Only problem is, when I laugh, the intra-abdominal pressure increases in direct proportion to the degree of mirth, and, well......you know what happens then!
Good thing I'm home alone right now......:imbar