it's interesting how many posters are quick to jump on the "bullying bandwagon". they want to ban bullying, demand that all bullies be fired immediately, insist that no one ever bring their personal issues to work. the definition of "bully" seems to be rather fluid, though. usually, it seems to mean "anyone who is doing something that i don't like or that makes me uncomfortable." they're often the first to insist upon their right, however, to do things that make other people uncomfortable. but that's not bullying. not to them anyway.
good manners are the grease that makes society run smoothly, including the society of the work place. so perhaps good manners is the anti-bullying. perhaps, then, bullying could be defined as ill manners. unfortunately, some of those who are quickest to take offense and fastest to scream about bullying are those with the worst manners i've ever seen. in fact, based purely on my own personal observations, i'd say that those who are the fastest and loudest to complain about bullying in the workplace are the biggest bullies i've ever seen in my workplace.
there are those who insist it is their absolute right to speak their first language in the common break room, to the exclusion of anyone who might be there who doesn't speak that language. that's rude to those who are excluded . . . and sometimes those people are the very people they're accusing of being rude to them because they failed to acknowledge their "good morning", pointed out their error in drug calculation in front of another person or wouldn't "let" them take charge of a patient. (if you ask me to double-check your insulin and it's wrong, i'll tell you -- before you give it to the patient. and if i fail to acknowledge your "good morning," it could be because i was preoccupied with my own drug calculation, didn't see you because i was cleaning the rain off my glasses, or assumed that you were talking into the cellphone you were holding up to your face.) if half the nurses in the unit are filipino and they refuse to speak english while on break, that's a form of bullying . . . unless they're all taking their breaks downstairs in the cafeteria and not at our seats-six table in our tiny little break room. (before i'm accused of being racist, let me just say that the filipinos i work with are some of the nicest people i know. i recently entered the break room to find four of my filipino colleagues sitting there eating lunch and conversing in english. when i jokingly asked them why they weren't speaking tagalog, they assured me that they speak tagalog together when they're out somewhere, but it would be rude to speak it in the break room because "if you walked in, you wouldn't be able to be included in the conversation.")
those students, pre-nursing students and orientees who are horrified to see that "their nurse" doesn't do things the exact way they learned in school and are anxious to report them to someone -- well, they're budding bullies. why not wait and see why the nurse is doing it that way -- could be it's a better way than what you were taught in school. at the very least, why rush to "report" someone? i'm sure you'd be indignant if someone "reported" you because you didn't do things the exact way they did. you'd have all kinds of arguments marshaled about why your way was just as correct, if not better. and probably you'd be complaining about being "eaten."
the newbie who was horrified that the nurse she was shadowing didn't use gloves for some aspect of patient care and was determined to see that nurse punished -- again, bullying behavior.
the night i was working in our eight-bed ward with five newbies and one other "old dog", the newbies were tittering together in a corner, and would immediately quiet down the minute the other nurse or i approached. i don't know if they were talking about us or not -- but that was rude. one of them then wanted me to drop what i was doing to help her troubleshoot her balloon pump . . . the same balloon pump i'd been troubleshooting off and on all shift while she was off tittering with her peers . . . and when i said i couldn't because i was starting a levophed drip for a patient whose blood pressure was rapidly headed south, told me i wasn't being sufficiently supportive of her growth as a nurse. the other "old dog" told her she obviously hadn't been sufficiently supported in her growth as a polite human being . . . and all three of us were in the manager's office the next morning to explain why us two "old dogs" had been "rude" to poor princess.
increasingly, "bullying" seems to mean "not giving me what i want when i want it". "eating your young" seems to be not giving the new person what they want when they want it.
as a rule, i don't see my older colleagues being rude to the younger ones. the rudeness seems to flow exclusively in the other direction. amazingly, those who are rudest to their older colleagues are the ones who are screaming loudest about not being respected, supported or encouraged at work. i rarely hear complaints from the older nurses about being eaten by the young. they just suck it up and do their best to socialize and orient the newbies into the unit.
about bullying, let me just say that if you look for it, you'll find it, whether or not it actually exists. but these days i'm thinking most of the bullying goes up hill rather than down.
I'm totally with you on this one. I've had people tell me I was bullying them because I disagreed with them about what colors the cups and napkins should be at our unit party. Really!!??!!
Since I have had experience with true bullying (lost my job and nearly my sanity), I don't think me telling you that green is a better Christmas color than blue counts.
Some people are too quick to scream "bully" and "rude" when all I'm doing is being direct. And I'm even tactful about it. I'm tempted to actually BE rude to these people so they'll understand the difference.
As my husband says, he'd rather I beat him because I draw more blood with words than fists.
And it really upsets me to see younger generations treat older ones with disrespect. I have never understood that. I think it's as outrageous as kicking a toddler.
Anyway, thanks, Ruby, for bringing this up! A lot more people should read this.
Once again a good post Ruby. Unfortunately those that claim to be bullied by constructive criticsm have no true concept of what true bullying really is. I've been bullied, and what I've read in some posts is not bullying.
I think this thin skinned politically correct definition of bullying has extended past nursing and into life in general- anyone who teases or looks at someone goofy is a bully now! I too was genuinely bullied in middle school and grade school (and this is before internet, but I agree that if someone is going to bully someone else it could be much worse than it was in the day, now that there are cell phones and internet).
As for entitled attitudes- that's just what this generation of kids are being raised on. It's their culture, kids suddenly have this crazy idea that they have the same amounts and types of "rights" as grownups. This whole society is so high on their own RIGHTS that if anyone comes close to questioning their precious rights then they're intolerant meany weeny poo poos. I try to stay in my place at work. I try to have a good attitude and not ever think that I'm so special. But I've known people in school who seemed to think they were going to walk out the doors of school and right down a red carpet into a NICU job, lickety split!
Specializes in Critical Care, ED, Cath lab, CTPAC,Trauma.
It;s the whole self indulged entitled attitude that seems to be prevalent amongst the new entering the profession as well as the looking down on those who may have a "lesser" degree. I always remind them that a very great lady once said......"No one can make you fell inferior without your permission" Eleanor Roosevelt
Seems to me that there is a correlation between those who have been communicating with an electronic device with abbreviations and no in-person contact, and those who scream "bully" when they hear a real human voice....???? Just a thought.
It seems the bullying is now being done by the younger nurses, those who have been workign as a nurse less than 2 years.
I had a coworker once tell me that the new nurse and I were giving report late and was talking with others about it and they agreed. And this was the night she refused to get report from me because she got it from the charge nurse. I told her point blank that i would not accept it, it was her fault for not coming to me (Since I dont know who's getting my patients till you approach me). I also told her that gossiping was wrong Dont talk about others fault without talking to them first. (mind you the people she was complaining about were already having 5 pt's in less than 2 months and she could not do it in 4-5months on the floor). This all came to light after &^%* hit the roof when she would not back down and created a hostile environment for everyone on the floor including the ones she named she was gossiping with (who all denied it)
Also i notice that those who scream "bully" are allowing it to happen. Bullies are generally more bark than fight and if you tell them frankly (Not in a mean manner but telling the truth) it would not happen again.
I'm just going to say it: bullies must use real or implied power to bully.
I agree that this extends to nurses on orientation who use their pull with the manager to throw more experience nurses under the bus. To be fair, they are also naive and the manager is using them against the more experienced RN. That's just being honest, right? The other way down the food chain is more common in my experience. After all, newbies can't charge, can they?
Further honesty: The crusty old bats here and on units (noting that its a self-claimed title ladies!) are diametrically opposed to the polished professionals that are the modern image of nursing. And the tension? It naturally leads to conflict and I have no idea what the answer is.
I've said it many many many times before, some people just whine whine whine. I'll call the wahmbulance if they want me to. These are probably some of the same ones who "wanted to be a nurse since they were little, now they hate their job and aren't sure if it's for them....1 month into the job". Did your school not put you in a hospital setting at all? How can you make it through an entire program, pass a licensure exam, then not realize this is what the job entails? That's like a pilot going to flight school, getting a license, then getting hired for an airline...only to realize he/she doesn't think flying is for them and/or had no clue the job actually involved being in the air.
And I'm still not understanding why some people are asking a group of strangers for life advice...especially that has been answered many times before. I don't know you or your capabilities, so I dunno if you can work during school. I dunno if you should get the LPN, then ADN, then RN, then MSN. I dunno which job you should take. I dunno if you should report something that just by the sound of the title of the thread I already know you shouldn't bother snitching about...I guess I just don't know..can someone help me to know? Search button...great friend for all
Is that bullying? Or just being frank? It's not even critical..but sometimes I'm just not going to tell you what you want to hear. I'll tell you what you need to hear though. I'm still new to nursing, and I try to have a good happy personality at work, but sometimes...come on.
I feel for ya ruby, I really do. I worked on a unit where because I'm younger (30) and was a CNA on the same unit before I was a nurse, the aides were quick to claim that I was a bully to them. Never mind that I would ask them to do their responsibilities, to actually get their blood sugars before 8PM so I could dose insulin, to help so and so back from the bathroom because I was going to the post op that just came in, helping out with what I could. Many nights I gave at least one complete bedbath, just to lighten the aides load.
But instead, I get that I'm being mean/bullying, because I'm asking rudely for them to do things. I always said please, when you get a chance, etc. So then I started being a D###, and that clued them in pretty quick that when I'm being rude to you, you'll know it. And maybe playing on facebook in the patient room when you're helping me turn them is not the correct time, hmmmm?
I HATE that this is the generation I'm lumped into. Some people have no concept of a work ethic, and when you actually expect them to....oh, I don't know....WORK, for their paycheck, and help out, "Oh, did you need help?" Yeah, vanishing into the stairwell during the emergency light, and then getting caught coming back "Oh, I went to the other floor to get big depends for so and so." REALLY? Cause you didn't tell nobody, and I just saw you walk past before the situation that warrented the emergency happened. ticks me off.
As others have said, there is real bullying that needs to be stamped out. But more and more I see people calling "bully" when all they're really dealing with is someone who is preoccupied or in a hurry or who just isn't comfortable "chatting" when they need to get their work done. Also, some people are just frequently grumpy! When I started nursing many years ago it was understood that part of being an employee ANYWHERE--not just in a hospital--was growing a fairly thick skin and learning to work around all different personality types. I never expected to get a smile or a word of encouragement out of "Mary" because she simply wasn't that type of personality. However, she was a good nurse and valuable to the organization, so it was on me to adjust. You can make everybody sign pledges to be "nice" but in my experience people are what they are and it behooves the person coming into the already formed work group to learn to adjust, not to demand that the group adjust to them. You really can learn to work with prickly people. I started with a VERY thin skin but I've been working with them for over 20 years. You really can learn to focus on getting what you need for the patient and disregard unkindness (whether real or perceived) from nurses or physicians. If they are preventing you from being able to meet your patient's needs, then that is another story and needs to be addressed with management, but the focus should be "because of these actions from X, I am unable to properly care for my patient." Not "Mary is a nasty person and hurt my feelings."
Locolorenzo, it is not only our generation.. I am a 33yr old male and was recently accused of "Bullying" by a 50yr old female with at least 20yrs in the biz.
Its a long story but this person has pretty much screwed everyone over at least three times since she started last Feb and somehow thinks we are all stupid. As I was explaining some of the things she has done like "multiple family emergencies" "Severe Miscommunications" "Blaming everyone but her" and how nobody was going to work her Thanksgiving, she flipped her wig and straight up said "Now your just blaming me" "You are sounding like a Bully" (in a very loud, threatening tone by the way). I made sure there was a witness as I come from the military where harrassment allegations are rampant-- all the same the coversation was quickly ended.
I have a keen respect for my elders however some abuse that respect!
canigraduate
2,107 Posts
I'm totally with you on this one. I've had people tell me I was bullying them because I disagreed with them about what colors the cups and napkins should be at our unit party. Really!!??!!
Since I have had experience with true bullying (lost my job and nearly my sanity), I don't think me telling you that green is a better Christmas color than blue counts.
Some people are too quick to scream "bully" and "rude" when all I'm doing is being direct. And I'm even tactful about it. I'm tempted to actually BE rude to these people so they'll understand the difference.
As my husband says, he'd rather I beat him because I draw more blood with words than fists.
And it really upsets me to see younger generations treat older ones with disrespect. I have never understood that. I think it's as outrageous as kicking a toddler.
Anyway, thanks, Ruby, for bringing this up! A lot more people should read this.