Angel at work, monster at home....help!

[Florence NightinFAIL]

I always believed that I had a short temper...but lately I'm discovering some things that I really don't like about myself and I'm trying to find ways to change.

At work I'm crazy busy, running around on my feet for the whole shift, stressed out, overwhelmed, have some needy pts on the bell every few minutes, rude co-workers etc. yet I maintain my professionalism, keep calm, have a nice attitude even when answering my annoying pt's 100th call to get her an item 3 inches away.

I smile at my coworkers, say please and thank you etc. etc.

Yet the minute I enter my house my whole demeanor changes. I become exhausted, frustrated, easily angered, snappy etc. I lose my temper with the ones I claim that I love (family) when I know prefectly well how I control that same temper with friends & at work.

I feel bad

Any advice?

[DizzyLizzyNurse]

EAP I think stands for Employee Assistance Program. It's a program that a lot of workplaces participate in and it offers free counseling and help for workers.

[P B and J]

As has been said, I think at work you're nice because you have to be. But when you get home, you're with the ones you love, and who love you back, unconditionally. They might not like you when you're angry and frustrated, but they still love you. You can act how you are feeling, and they won't fire you, yell at you, write you up, or tell your boss you're in a crabby mood. They love you even when you are in a bad mood after a long, stressful day.

Take some of the suggestions that have been given to you, and figure out how you can best forget your workday and get on with your home life!

Best of luck!

[pale_pilsen]

This is why many rns leave the profession once the economy gets better. It speaks for itself. I guess for now make the best out of it or find a better unit where u can be more comfortable.

[Florencebyondthepale]

I don't know what your schedule is like, but on the days that I go to the gym directly after work I come home in a much better mood. I bring my ipod with the music I really like and even though I have to drag myself in there after 30 minutes on the elliptical or treadmill I am in a much better mood. I know after working a 12 hour shift, working out is the last thing you might want to do, but it does help.

You could also immediately go for a walk when you get home. I have an 8 year old daughter who wants to talk my ear off as soon as I walk in the door which can make me feel overwhelmed if I've had a bad day at work. We will walk the dog together and she can talk about her day and without the other distractions of home (dinner, laundry, etc) , she gets my undivided attention and I still feel like I can unwind. By the time we make our way home I'm relaxed.

[netglow, ASN, RN]

I have tried this when I could catch myself: I try not to get baited into a long conversation when I get home. I just answer with simple answers to whatever by family and then go about what I know I need to get done in order to be able to go to bed and be prepared for the next day. People will follow you around, etc. But it helps to slow down and just not feel that you need to "handle" or "have an answer" for those little problems that hit you at the door when you get home if possible. Sometimes you set yourself up by staying in nurse mode and the only difference is that now you are putting out fires at home eg you are still at work. Family will think all that is your job. You need to slow your response to it so your other family members can learn to handle their own load or, pull their weight. Another thing. DO NOT take phone calls from annoying family/friends in the evening. I find that the frustration will make it harder to sleep. You better believe it.

[Katie5]

Wrong thread;)

[canesdukegirl, BSN, RN]

But it helps to slow down and just not feel that you need to "handle" or "have an answer" for those little problems that hit you at the door when you get home if possible. Sometimes you set yourself up by staying in nurse mode and the only difference is that now you are putting out fires at home eg you are still at work.

I can always count on you for getting to the crux of any issue. Very well stated.

I believe this is absolutely KEY to understand. We have stressful jobs. Yes, other professionals experience stress in their jobs, and I don't want to compare our profession to others. However, the sheer mental stress of having to be absolutely spot on with each assessment for every patient that we care for, be error free in delivering safe patient care, be empathetic and patient with our care, check, double check and triple check medication orders (not to mention reconciling the errors that were made by others), delegate, integrate ourselves into a true multi-disciplinary team, all the while keeping in mind that our very livelihoods and the holistic care of our patients depend on our work being 100% completely accurate can make anyone grouchy at the end of a shift. We have mentally and physically taxing jobs...that most of us LOVE.

It is so important to have a balance in life; this is not news to anyone. Identifying and achieving that balance is the trick.

[rn/writer, RN]

That decompression/buffer zone that others have mentioned is really important. It's not selfish in the sense that you don't care about your family. Rather, it's a form of self-care that helps you treat them better in the long run. Think of it as refilling the well so you are refreshed and have something to offer your loved ones.

[anotherone, BSN, RN]

Why are you an angel at work? Is it because of the consequences of being a monster? Do you just have better control at work because you know if you don't you might get fired? That's how I feel sometimes. I can fake it pretty well when I need to.lol

[fuzzywuzzy, CNA]

My boyfriend comes home after I do but when he's off, he knows to stay out of my way when I get home. The TV needs to be off and he needs to stay out of my face or I'll be cranky. I don't even like him sitting near me without talking because he'll sit there and pick at his toenails or play with some object in the vicinity and I want to bite his head off! lol. And the dog gets a friendly pet before getting shut in the other room for a while. It takes me about an hour and when I'm ready, I will come out of hiding. If I come home from work to a dog jumping on me, a blaring TV, and my boyfriend bugging me about something I am on edge the rest of the night.

[wooh, BSN, RN]

I have to say the good thing about an hour commute is that it gives me a nice buffer zone. I can listen to some good music, or if it was a really bad day I can call my mom.

Anyone ever see the episode of That 70s Show where Kitty took Eric to work with her? He asked her how she copes with everything she sees and she tells him that she turns up her music in the car. Strangely, I think she was probably one of the most realistic depictions of nurses on tv ever. :)

[xtxrn, ASN, RN]

I don't know that I can offer any advice in particular; mostly I am responding to commiserate. It seems that after working 8-12 hours focusing on, anticipating, trying to resolve everyone else's needs/problems, the very last thing I need is to have to pay attention to someone else. That sounds horribly cold, especially since one of the things in a relationship that is so important TO that relationship isbeing there for each other. But spending all that time directed OUTward drains my inner self. I think some of the other posters are correct in saying that you need to have something that is for YOU, that feeds YOU and also at the same time helps you "cool your jets". I'm just not real good at taking care of myself that way; seems like everything else comes first. I've resolved alot of bugaboos in my life but that's a honkin' big one for me!

I think nurses, by nature, don't take the best care of themselves- and employers do nothing to help that .... The nurses at work who are total ******* probably are the life of the party at home because they've dumped on everyone else all shift :). Is there any way you can do something maybe every couple of weeks (payday ) just for you? A mani-pedi, massage, get some music you like, etc... Just for you. The better you can take care of yourself, the better you'll be able to give to a relationship, as you know. And, if you have something to look forward to, it might make getting through a few more days a bit easier :)