Angel at work, monster at home....help!

rn/writer, RN · Aug 3, 2011

Much of what I have seen described in this thread (and others on the subject) relate to sensory overload. All day (or night) long we have people clinging to us, even if it's only in the figurative meaning of the word. They weigh heavy on our minds and their needs bombard us.

Posters have said they don't want to be spoken to, touched, or even hugged. Loud music is okay so long as singing along is optional. When we have over-extended ourselves (seems to be part of many job descriptions these days), it only makes sense that we have to pull our little bungie cord extremities back in before we can feel like ourselves again.

It's a mental shift as well. Think of the buffer zone as a kind of clutch that allows the gears to be changed.

If you can explain to your family that they can give you this chance to gather your wits about you and benefit from it or ambush you at the door and share the resulting chaos and suffering, so much the better. But even if you can't get them to understand the concept, even a puppy can be trained, and so can they. Be sure to thank them profusely and reward them reasonably when they respect your space. And point out how much better family time is when mom has had a chance to catch her breath.

This isn't selfish. It's survival. The more you respect your own needs, the less chance there is that you will burn out at home or at work.

N.U.R.S.E. · Aug 3, 2011

Anything to let all of the negative feelings u have Invest in some relaxation books or books that help u to deal positively with stress learn how to decompress prayer fasting reading yoour favorite scriptures in the Holy Bible keeping a journal and learning to be more assertive in a therapeutic type of way learning to let go of the powerless feelings u have do things that bring u enjoyment take kickboxin. Or karate to use up some of the pinned up frustrations u have

tiredbeatupRN · Aug 3, 2011

And the dog gets a friendly pet before getting shut in the other room for a while.

Awww this makes me sad:( I LOVE coming home to our big, overly excited Aussie Shepherd! I cannot wait to hug him and play with him knowing he feels the same way about us when we get home. Animals are SO good for helping us manage our stress, IMO.

Pets are THE best therapists! Anyone else feel this way, too? :paw::paw::redbeathe

JRP1120, RN · Aug 3, 2011

I always believed that I had a short temper...but lately I'm discovering some things that I really don't like about myself and I'm trying to find ways to change.
At work I'm crazy busy, running around on my feet for the whole shift, stressed out, overwhelmed, have some needy pts on the bell every few minutes, rude co-workers etc. yet I maintain my professionalism, keep calm, have a nice attitude even when answering my annoying pt's 100th call to get her an item 3 inches away.
I smile at my coworkers, say please and thank you etc. etc.
Yet the minute I enter my house my whole demeanor changes. I become exhausted, frustrated, easily angered, snappy etc. I lose my temper with the ones I claim that I love (family) when I know prefectly well how I control that same temper with friends & at work.
I feel bad
Any advice?

I love this little story (author unknown). It always helps me put things into perspective. It works in the opposite direction as well-we all should leave our personal problems at the door of the proverbial office. I can understand your frustration; you sound a bit burned out maybe. This may or may not help but thought I'd share. In the meantime, you should be taking care of YOU too, because if you don't, you'll have much less of yourself to give to your loved ones, where your heart really resides. :redbeathe :)

The Trouble Tree

The carpenter I hired to help me restore an old farmhouse had just finished a rough first day on the job. A flat tire made him lose an hour of work, his electric saw quit, and now his ancient pickup truck refused to start.

While I drove him home, he sat in stony silence. On arriving, he invited me in to meet his family. As we walked toward the front door, he paused briefly at a small tree, touching tips of the branches with both hands.

When opening the door, he underwent an amazing transformation. His tanned face was wreathed in smiles and he hugged his two small children and gave his wife a kiss.

Afterward he walked me to the car. We passed the tree and my curiosity got the better of me. I asked him about what I had seen him do earlier.

“Oh, that’s my trouble tree,” he replied. “I know I can’t help having troubles on the job, but one thing’s for sure, troubles don’t belong in the house with my wife and the children. So I just hang them up on the tree every night when I come home. Then in the morning I pick them up again.”

“Funny thing is,” he smiled, “when I come out in the morning to pick ‘em up, there ain’t nearly as many as I remember hanging up the night before.”