I work in an adult ICU where I had the privilege of caring for a wonderful patient for 3 days in a row. She was the kindest, sweetest woman, who unfortunately had something terrible happen to her. Despite the unfortunate circumstances, her positive attitude and spirit were inspiring. Her family was just as wonderful. I grew close to her and her family over the 3 days I worked.
On the last day, I transferred her to a step-down unit. After my shift was over, I stopped by her new room to visit her and her family. I wanted to check on them, make sure they were doing ok, and let them know I was thinking about them (I was going to be off work for a few days and didn't know if I'd ever see them again). After saying my goodbyes, hugging the patient and her family, and stepping out into the hallway, the husband pulled me aside. He thanked me for the exceptional care I had given his wife, told me I was a great nurse, and wanted me to know how much I was appreciated. He started to tear up and so did I. It was an emotional, touching experience. He went to shake my hand, and that's when I felt it....the folded up piece of money in his hand. My heart sank.
Immediately, I told him I could not accept his money. But he insisted. He wanted me to know how truly grateful he was. Again I told him I would not accept it. He wouldn't listen. Defeated, and not wanting to make a scene, or be disrespectful, I put the bill in my pocket and walked away. When I got to the elevator I was so confused. I wanted to cry. I felt guilty and ashamed. I wondered if I had done the right thing by stopping by to visit her after my shift. I convinced myself that if I hadn't stopped by, none of this would have happened. And worst of all, I felt alone. I didn't want to tell any of my co-workers in fear of being judged, getting in trouble, or worst of all being fired.
I took the bill out of my pocket when I got to my car. $50. The whole drive home, all I felt was sadness. I replayed the previous scenario over and over again in my head. What I could have said. What I should have done. When I got home, I put the $50 bill on my kitchen table. I decided that I wasn't going to spend it. I couldn't even think about spending it. I looked at it over and over. The guilt never subsided. A few days passed, and that's when I decided what to do.
I found a non-profit organization that dealt with the same condition that she unfortunately had to experience. Then I made a donation in her honor using the money her husband had given me. Instead of keeping the money, and feeling guilty, ashamed, and sad, I decided to turn this experience into something positive. I knew that the patient and her family wouldn't want me to feel upset, and I wasn't going to let myself be upset either.
Put in the same situation, I would have told the husband that if he wanted to thank me, he could write about his experience on our hospital survey. I would have told him to recognize our unit and our nurses as the best. Because we are.
Sometimes being a nurse can be a thankless job. We provide our patients with exceptional care despite hospital-wide budget cuts and staffing shortages. We come to work early and leave late. We don't always get breaks. Sometimes we don't even have time to use the restroom. We apologize for things that sometimes aren't our fault. We get can get spit on, bit, kicked, and be manipulated by patients. We work in high-demand, high-stress environments that would break the weak. We are exposed to all types of bodily secretions. We are advocates for patients who don't have family. We speak up for those patients who society has given up on; the homeless, the drug and alcohol abusers, prisoners, and gang members. But when it's all said and done, we have the honor and privilege of caring for patients and their families at their most vulnerable time.
I don't know about you, but I think our job is pretty awesome. And while I'm still uneasy about receiving money from my patient's husband, I know that he did it because he wanted me to know how much I was appreciated. How much nurses are appreciated. Because we are the heartbeat of the hospital. And we make a difference each and every day.
Let me tell you a story about something that happened a long, long time ago on my unit. We had a very kind couple, the husband in which was very ill. They were a sweet couple and wife was very friendly and became close with several of the nurses over his very lengthy stay on my unit. She would bake us things bring us goodies. Many of my coworker's my the grevious mistake of friending her on Facebook. She sent me a friend request on Facebook, which I promptly denied, then updated my privacy settings to make sure I was unsearchable.
The man got better and was discharged. She wrote thank you notes and even praised us to administration.
Then he got worse again and got readmitted. This readmission she was not quite as nice, but still pleasant. He got better and once again went home.
At home he continued to decline. And she cared for him 24/7 and became more and more emotionally distraught. Eventually he was admitted one last time. She immediately began lashing out at nurses about how our lack of care and sympathy was why he was declining. She started insisting that we were doing everything wrong. She started to epitomize a difficult family member.
Then she started calling out staff on things they said on Facebook that she didn't agree with. If someone was on Facebook when she knew they were at work, she'd go to management armed with this knowledge.
Eventually her husband passed away on my unit. She became upset that people were on Facebook "like nothing happened!" the day he died. She started suing our hospital immediately. She started posting on people's walls and in comments about how incompetent other nurses were.
My my point of sharing this whole mess of a story is that even if a family member seems nice to you now, you never know when the tides may turn and he could go to management later and say that you accepted a $50 tip from him.
I agree that reporting to a supervisor that you have chosen to violate hospital policy is likely to "compromise this nurse's future at that hospital -- I would certainly hope so! However, IMO, the answer to that is not to withhold the information; it's to not violate the employer's policies (and the ethical standards of nursing) in the first place. I believe that llg's point (not to put words in her mouth) is that going to one's supervisor when the situation first arose and asking for guidance in how to handle it would have been one constructive way to deal with the original situation and would not get anyone in trouble; certainly not the kind of trouble one would be in if the supervisor found out later, after the fact, through some other avenue.
Exactly. The OP would not have gotten in trouble with her boss had she reported the situation right away. She could easily said, "This just happened. I tried to not accept it, but he insisted ... and I couldn't get away from it. What should I do?" Such a report would get no one in trouble. It would get them help and support from their management. To keep a possible policy and ethical violation a secret is far more dangerous.
Developing a healing atmosphere and a healthy relationship with your patient is essential for that person's health and well being. So, are you saying that this nurse should not be as attentive, as caring, as compassionate as she is, because that is crossing a "professional" boundary?
Clearly the family members did not consider it "ICKY".. I'll ask for Pinkey as my nurse please.
The thought that you find it detestable is a sad state of the trend of nurses today. The only possible, and questionable "violation" is the acceptance of money, if it were over her allowed amount set by the hospital. Other than that...
Again, you're using a false dichotomy. A person can be attentive, caring, and compassionate without also having poor professional boundaries. The perception that one has to become emotionally bonded to their patients in order to be any of these things is just wrong.
I also wouldn't leave it up to an emotionally wrought and vulnerable family to determine where my boundaries are. People under stress sometimes make bad decisions that they regret later, and part of being a professional is maintaining boundaries that are appropriate when your patients can't.
Developing a healing atmosphere and a healthy relationship with your patient is essential for that person's health and well being. So, are you saying that this nurse should not be as attentive, as caring, as compassionate as she is, because that is crossing a "professional" boundary?
Clearly the family members did not consider it "ICKY".. I'll ask for Pinkey as my nurse please.
The thought that you find it detestable is a sad state of the trend of nurses today. The only possible, and questionable "violation" is the acceptance of money, if it were over her allowed amount set by the hospital. Other than that...
I agree with completely that "developing a healing atmosphere and a healthy relationship with your patient is essential for that person's health and well being" -- I just feel that clear, strong professional and ethical boundaries are an essential part of a healthy therapeutic relationship, and benefit both the nurse and the client. I think that all nurses should be attentive, caring, and compassionate -- within the context of the professional role. We're at work to provide nursing care, not become our clients' friends.
And where did you find "detestable" in anything I said?
Specializes in Med/Surg, OR, Peds, Patient Education.
Exactly. The OP would not have gotten in trouble with her boss had she reported the situation right away. She could easily said, "This just happened. I tried to not accept it, but he insisted ... and I couldn't get away from it. What should I do?" Such a report would get no one in trouble. It would get them help and support from their management. To keep a possible policy and ethical violation a secret is far more dangerous.
It would depend on the supervisor or manager. There are a few, fortunately only a few, managers, supervisors and even coworkers who are vindictive and would gladly "throw a fellow nurse under the bus," to try to prove their own "superiority."
I do not believe that I have ever been offered money from a patient/patient's family, I worked in an area hard hit by the loss of a large company and many of my former patients were uninsured and working two or three jobs to just survive. I have accepted small, inexpensive, tokens of appreciation. One was a refrigerator magnet that I received many years ago and still makes me smile when I see it. I treasured the notes sent to the unit and the unasked for positive feedback to my manager. These are all more valuable than gold.
Would I have accepted money, no, but, those of you who were the most critical, please cut this younger nurse some slack, he/she is still learning. In fact, all of us, young to the profession, seasoned professionals or retirees, should never stop learning.
Those who say her actions were "pathological" sound desensitized from years of nursing. Setting and maintaining boundaries are important, but what I read in her article is a caring compassionate nurse who did the right thing at the end. I would not want any of you nay saying robotic nurses taking care of me or my family.
Why not just explain that the motivation behind the action is touching but that you have to confirm it is not against policy?
I worked in home care for a while and ran into this frequently. I would thank them for the idea of the gift but explain that I had to check with the office to make sure it wasn't against policy.
Never had an issue with it.
I did receive quite a few fantastic hat and mitten sets knitted by my clients, approved by the office of course.
Those who say her actions were "pathological" sound desensitized from years of nursing. Setting and maintaining boundaries are important, but what I read in her article is a caring compassionate nurse who did the right thing at the end. I would not want any of you nay saying robotic nurses taking care of me or my family.
Since when does not following patients from unit to unit and not taking money from family members = "robotic"?
Some of us may very well have taken care of your family members.
Why not just explain that the motivation behind the action is touching but that you have to confirm it is not against policy?
I worked in home care for a while and ran into this frequently. I would thank them for the idea of the gift but explain that I had to check with the office to make sure it wasn't against policy.
Never had an issue with it.
I did receive quite a few fantastic hat and mitten sets knitted by my clients, approved by the office of course.
When I worked in the clinic, I've had flowers delivered to me 3x. I still have the cards.
We've also had desserts and food delivered to us, with nice notes/cards.
Can't really do anything about that, but the patient just showing us the baby at her 6 week check up would more than suffice.
Specializes in Mental Health, Gerontology, Palliative.
I have a part time job working in a long term care facility and yes, I develop a relationship with my residents. Recently a resident who I was very fond of passed away. She was the mum of one of our cooks. And yes, I went to the funeral to pay my respects and support my team member. I dont consider that I crossed a boundary although I'm sure many here will think otherwise.
I've had times when patients/families have insisted on giving me gifts including a china cup, flowers, edibles, never money. I've always tried to not accept them however on some occasions to not do so would have been more upsetting to the person. I've accepted it and promptly told my line manager. The edibles go into the staff room and my line manager okied me to keep the cup and the flowers.
I've realised that sometimes this is something families need to do to mark the end of the process for them. As long as its not money and something I can share with my colleagues who am I to tell them they shouldnt do that.
That said. Do I do this job to get thanks and kudos and gifts from people hell no. That said I would be lying if I didnt get a kick out of knowing that I've been able to help and support people through really tough times.
So my question is, if it is so unprofessional, why do doctors, lawyers and accountants take gifts such as sporting event tickets, gift cards, souvenirs and yes, even cash as gifts? Nurses are so irritating when it comes to supporting one another. Why must we continually berate, chastise and have an overall nasty tone to each other?
Doctors,lawyers and accountants have different standards of professionalism than nurses.
The previous comment about never knowing how people may act in the future is important. Patients who probably had good intentions or were just being nice may try to friend you on social media. You must deny these requests, just as we cannot accept money or gifts. It will never look good to HR. We think we know these people, but we don't really. You have no idea what they may do or say later on.
blondy2061h, MSN, RN
1 Article; 4,094 Posts
Let me tell you a story about something that happened a long, long time ago on my unit. We had a very kind couple, the husband in which was very ill. They were a sweet couple and wife was very friendly and became close with several of the nurses over his very lengthy stay on my unit. She would bake us things bring us goodies. Many of my coworker's my the grevious mistake of friending her on Facebook. She sent me a friend request on Facebook, which I promptly denied, then updated my privacy settings to make sure I was unsearchable.
The man got better and was discharged. She wrote thank you notes and even praised us to administration.
Then he got worse again and got readmitted. This readmission she was not quite as nice, but still pleasant. He got better and once again went home.
At home he continued to decline. And she cared for him 24/7 and became more and more emotionally distraught. Eventually he was admitted one last time. She immediately began lashing out at nurses about how our lack of care and sympathy was why he was declining. She started insisting that we were doing everything wrong. She started to epitomize a difficult family member.
Then she started calling out staff on things they said on Facebook that she didn't agree with. If someone was on Facebook when she knew they were at work, she'd go to management armed with this knowledge.
Eventually her husband passed away on my unit. She became upset that people were on Facebook "like nothing happened!" the day he died. She started suing our hospital immediately. She started posting on people's walls and in comments about how incompetent other nurses were.
My my point of sharing this whole mess of a story is that even if a family member seems nice to you now, you never know when the tides may turn and he could go to management later and say that you accepted a $50 tip from him.