I work in an adult ICU where I had the privilege of caring for a wonderful patient for 3 days in a row. She was the kindest, sweetest woman, who unfortunately had something terrible happen to her. Despite the unfortunate circumstances, her positive attitude and spirit were inspiring. Her family was just as wonderful. I grew close to her and her family over the 3 days I worked.
On the last day, I transferred her to a step-down unit. After my shift was over, I stopped by her new room to visit her and her family. I wanted to check on them, make sure they were doing ok, and let them know I was thinking about them (I was going to be off work for a few days and didn't know if I'd ever see them again). After saying my goodbyes, hugging the patient and her family, and stepping out into the hallway, the husband pulled me aside. He thanked me for the exceptional care I had given his wife, told me I was a great nurse, and wanted me to know how much I was appreciated. He started to tear up and so did I. It was an emotional, touching experience. He went to shake my hand, and that's when I felt it....the folded up piece of money in his hand. My heart sank.
Immediately, I told him I could not accept his money. But he insisted. He wanted me to know how truly grateful he was. Again I told him I would not accept it. He wouldn't listen. Defeated, and not wanting to make a scene, or be disrespectful, I put the bill in my pocket and walked away. When I got to the elevator I was so confused. I wanted to cry. I felt guilty and ashamed. I wondered if I had done the right thing by stopping by to visit her after my shift. I convinced myself that if I hadn't stopped by, none of this would have happened. And worst of all, I felt alone. I didn't want to tell any of my co-workers in fear of being judged, getting in trouble, or worst of all being fired.
I took the bill out of my pocket when I got to my car. $50. The whole drive home, all I felt was sadness. I replayed the previous scenario over and over again in my head. What I could have said. What I should have done. When I got home, I put the $50 bill on my kitchen table. I decided that I wasn't going to spend it. I couldn't even think about spending it. I looked at it over and over. The guilt never subsided. A few days passed, and that's when I decided what to do.
I found a non-profit organization that dealt with the same condition that she unfortunately had to experience. Then I made a donation in her honor using the money her husband had given me. Instead of keeping the money, and feeling guilty, ashamed, and sad, I decided to turn this experience into something positive. I knew that the patient and her family wouldn't want me to feel upset, and I wasn't going to let myself be upset either.
Put in the same situation, I would have told the husband that if he wanted to thank me, he could write about his experience on our hospital survey. I would have told him to recognize our unit and our nurses as the best. Because we are.
Sometimes being a nurse can be a thankless job. We provide our patients with exceptional care despite hospital-wide budget cuts and staffing shortages. We come to work early and leave late. We don't always get breaks. Sometimes we don't even have time to use the restroom. We apologize for things that sometimes aren't our fault. We get can get spit on, bit, kicked, and be manipulated by patients. We work in high-demand, high-stress environments that would break the weak. We are exposed to all types of bodily secretions. We are advocates for patients who don't have family. We speak up for those patients who society has given up on; the homeless, the drug and alcohol abusers, prisoners, and gang members. But when it's all said and done, we have the honor and privilege of caring for patients and their families at their most vulnerable time.
I don't know about you, but I think our job is pretty awesome. And while I'm still uneasy about receiving money from my patient's husband, I know that he did it because he wanted me to know how much I was appreciated. How much nurses are appreciated. Because we are the heartbeat of the hospital. And we make a difference each and every day.
Once, an elderly lady gave me a pretty little trinket box as a thank you for taking care of her husband (Definitely not worth more than $10). She was a tough, tough cookie. I was stunned that she was happy with my care, because she had issues with several other staff members. At the time, I remember having a moment where I was questioning what I should do. But, I was afraid of insulting her, and I knew it wasn't valuable, in terms of money. So I accepted it, but did tell her that it was completely unnecessary. Maybe it was wrong? But I still smile when I think of her. :)
I think this is a false dichotomy, that a nurse can only be cold and professional or soft and fuzzy with porous boundaries. I literally spend my days talking to people who want to kill themselves or other people, getting them to open up about their traumas, abuse, substance use, criminal behavior, hallucinations and other things that fill them with doubt, fear, and shame. I've never found my professionalism to be a deterrent to them discussing things with me. I've found my professionalism is what allows patients to depend on me. My demeanor tells them that I understand what's going on and am educated and talented enough to help them. I'm neither cold nor fuzzy, I'm a happy medium of empathy, emotional connection, and understanding.
My hospital holds all caregivers to the same standard: no employee can accept a gift worth more than $10 from a patient or family member. Whether physicians are held to the policy is a question I can't answer, since I'm not the Policy Police. I take care of my own practice and let them take care of theirs. :)
My nursing education was in a large, metropolitan, very diverse area. Our nation has become even more diverse today. It sounds demeaning and disrespectful to cultures that differ from one's own to "remind" the patient's husband that s/he was not of his culture or nationality. What happened to this nurse is unusual, as most patients or families usually just show gratitude with words, or letters of appreciation. However, unusual situations arise everyday. Under the circumstances I still feel what she or he did was correct and the money apparently went to a good cause.
Reporting this to her/his manager was completely unnecessary and could compromise this nurse's future at that hospital. What would "telling" her/his manager accomplish? Would the manager take the patient's husband to task for giving the gift, in turn possibly insult the gentleman's belief system and breach confidentiality between nurse and patient/patient's family.
Just out of curiosity, what other hospital policies do you recommend that the OP violate in order to be respectful of a client's culture?? (And we still have no idea that the OP's client family was from any different culture ...)
I agree that reporting to a supervisor that you have chosen to violate hospital policy is likely to "compromise this nurse's future at that hospital -- I would certainly hope so! However, IMO, the answer to that is not to withhold the information; it's to not violate the employer's policies (and the ethical standards of nursing) in the first place. I believe that llg's point (not to put words in her mouth) is that going to one's supervisor when the situation first arose and asking for guidance in how to handle it would have been one constructive way to deal with the original situation and would not get anyone in trouble; certainly not the kind of trouble one would be in if the supervisor found out later, after the fact, through some other avenue.
So my question is, if it is so unprofessional, why do doctors, lawyers and accountants take gifts such as sporting event tickets, gift cards, souvenirs and yes, even cash as gifts? Nurses are so irritating when it comes to supporting one another. Why must we continually berate, chastise and have an overall nasty tone to each other?
So my question is, if it is so unprofessional, why do doctors, lawyers and accountants take gifts such as sporting event tickets, gift cards, souvenirs and yes, even cash as gifts? Nurses are so irritating when it comes to supporting one another. Why must we continually berate, chastise and have an overall nasty tone to each other?
Not to get too much in their business but many of these occupations are also independent businesses and may consider this a business transaction, not a "tip". There is an expectation of something in return and that's why professional nurses don't do this.
The general reaction to this person's post is one of the fundamental problems in nursing as a career...a bunch of you jumped all over this nurse for giving in and accepting a monetary gift from a patient's family. (S)he tried to politely decline the gift but was afraid to insult the family member. (S)he ended up doing something positive with the cash, rather than keeping it. Are we all perfect? No. Are we all so good that we don't need to learn something new? Absolutely not. We are all human, we make mistakes, and we care about others. A bunch of you also mentioned that this nurse also went to check on the patient in the step down. There is nothing wrong with this either. It only crosses lines if addresses and phone numbers are exchanged and long term friendships are formed. Some of these posts sound like a group of jaded, burned out people to me. Embrace this (presumably) younger nurse for his/her caring, refreshing, unburned out attitude. He/she is a credit to our profession.
Well, hopefully you're not too "perfect" to learn something new. Insulting a bunch of "jaded, burned out people" while trying to advocate for a kinder attitude is counter-productive.
There is something wrong with seeking out a former patient on another unit to "check up" on them. You have already crossed the line and how will you have any power to resist their offer of friendship or phone number if you have already accepted their money.
So my question is, if it is so unprofessional, why do doctors, lawyers and accountants take gifts such as sporting event tickets, gift cards, souvenirs and yes, even cash as gifts? Nurses are so irritating when it comes to supporting one another. Why must we continually berate, chastise and have an overall nasty tone to each other?
You cannot prove that a thing is morally acceptable by claiming that it's regularly done. That's an appeal to common practice. Lots of things are commonly done that are immoral. People lie, say racist things, post things on Facebook without fact checking them, say rude things, act passive aggressively, and a million other things that aren't ethically sound. So, even assuming your statement about doctors, lawyers, and accountants taking gifts is true it's not support that doing it is okay. It's just claiming that it's popular.
Specializes in Med/Surg, OR, Peds, Patient Education.
So my question is, if it is so unprofessional, why do doctors, lawyers and accountants take gifts such as sporting event tickets, gift cards, souvenirs and yes, even cash as gifts? Nurses are so irritating when it comes to supporting one another. Why must we continually berate, chastise and have an overall nasty tone to each other?
I completely concur with your assessment. We are no longer professional, when we are so willing to "throw our coworkers under the bus." Other professions do not seem to do this.
Specializes in LTC, CPR instructor, First aid instructor..
My hat is off to you, Pinky. You seem like such a kind, giving, kind hearted nurse. I became a nurse, but shortly after getting my license and actively applying for work, I became a patient. Being on Allnurses helps me to still connect with you nurses. Nursing runs through my veins and is very dear to my heart.
I don't think you should have accepted the money, even though you ended up donating it.. it never should have been in your possession.
I understand how hard these situations can be. It reminded me of an elderly lady I had who was expected to pass shortly. She asked me to stay in the room and for her husband to step outside. She felt the need to give me her gold ring, which by the looks of it was in the family for some time. She refused for me to not accept it so, as you did, I accepted it in the mindset that it somehow gave her some sort of piece.
However, as I walked out of the room to permit her husband back in. I placed the ring in his hand and left it at that.
It's not appropriate for us to accept such gifts from those we provide care.
I would actually prefer to have a nurse who understands and maintains appropriate professional boundaries, and would consider it kind of "icky" if a nurse followed me to another part of the hospital to check on me. And even the OP knows that she did something wrong (professionally "wrong" as well as, most likely, a violation of her employer's stated policies) -- that's why she knows she shouldn't mention it to any of her coworkers.
Developing a healing atmosphere and a healthy relationship with your patient is essential for that person's health and well being. So, are you saying that this nurse should not be as attentive, as caring, as compassionate as she is, because that is crossing a "professional" boundary?
Clearly the family members did not consider it "ICKY".. I'll ask for Pinkey as my nurse please.
The thought that you find it detestable is a sad state of the trend of nurses today. The only possible, and questionable "violation" is the acceptance of money, if it were over her allowed amount set by the hospital. Other than that...
Tina, RN
513 Posts
Off-topic:
Once, an elderly lady gave me a pretty little trinket box as a thank you for taking care of her husband (Definitely not worth more than $10). She was a tough, tough cookie. I was stunned that she was happy with my care, because she had issues with several other staff members. At the time, I remember having a moment where I was questioning what I should do. But, I was afraid of insulting her, and I knew it wasn't valuable, in terms of money. So I accepted it, but did tell her that it was completely unnecessary. Maybe it was wrong? But I still smile when I think of her. :)