Am I being bullied? Or is this normal?

Momma1RN, MSN, RN, APRN · Oct 7, 2014

With all of this information- it definitely appears your orientation failed. And though it seems like you are doing this, just ask questions. All.the.time. Any time you are unsure. Ask questions. Is there a night supervisor or someone who may be available during your shift? Cover your ass because at some point (which may or may not be now since you're off orientation) you will be expected to know certain things. You shouldn't be reprimanded if you are asking questions and seeking more education from more seasoned nurses.

canigraduate · Oct 7, 2014

Hi! I've been in your shoes. This may sound harsh, and I apologize if it does.

The first thing you have to do is stop lying down when they walk on you. I have a passive personality, and that was the hardest lesson for me to learn.

When someone is snotty or demeaning to you, look them in the eye and tell them "I do not appreciate being treated this way. Please treat me as a professional, with courtesy, or I will have to take your conduct up with our manager." Make sure you treat everyone else courteously, or they will use it against you.

I have actually stopped a nurse in report and taken them in the hall and reprimanded them. "Please do not interrupt me until I am finished. You can ask questions at the end. If you continue to demean me in front of (the patient, coworkers, etc.) I will have to report your conduct."

As far as the things you don't know yet, don't get defensive when it is pointed out. I had that problem, and it was like blood in the water to the sharks. I learned quickly to ask politely what I should have done, and I started looking up policies and reading them in my down time so I wouldn't be caught by surprise. In any new situation, I would suggest looking up any relevant policies and then asking the charge nurse to clarify. It seems like you don't have time to do this, but do it anyway. It saved me a lot of butt-chewing.

When I was a new grad, there was one nurse who was on the autism spectrum and had zero interpersonal skills. I had no idea until much later. She would call you out in front of a patient in a heartbeat. She was reported several times. We, as a unit, had to teach her how to interact with other nurses. She was fine with the patients. That was an interesting experience!

banterings · Oct 7, 2014

This is "hazing" (just like college hazing) which is a form of "bullying." Psychologically this has a couple purposes: it cements power for the senior members of the group. It also "indoctrinates" the newbie into the group. Human beings by the nature of being social animals naturally form groups. This is part of our evolution, this is how ancient man survived, by banning together in "clans."

We also developed an "us" and "them" mentality. An extreme example is the view that law enforcement takes an "us and them" view of the world: you are either in law enforcement or a criminal. This theory has been used to explain the high divorce rate among law enforcement married to non-law enforcement spouses(they treat family as criminals because they are not law enforcement), the high rate of adultery with both members of the affair being in law enforcement (the saying that "only another cop can understand the demands of the job"), and the "blue wall of silence to name just a few.

Hazing is the practice of rituals and other activities involving harassment, abuse or humiliation used as a way of initiating a person into a group. Hazing is seen in many different types of social groups, including gangs, sports teams, schools, military units, and fraternities and sororities. In the United States and Canada, hazing is often associated with Greek-letter organizations. Hazing is often prohibited by law and may comprise either physical or psychological abuse. It may also include nudity or sexually-oriented offenses....

....The practice of ritual abuse among social groups is not clearly understood. This is partly due to the secretive nature of the activities, especially within collegiate fraternities and sororities, and in part a result of long-term acceptance of hazing. Thus, it has been difficult for researchers to agree on the underlying social and psychological mechanisms that perpetuate hazing. In military circles hazing is sometimes assumed to test recruits under situations of stress and hostility. Although in no way a recreation of combat, hazing does put people into stressful situations that they are unable to control, which allegedly should weed out those weaker members prior to being put in situations where failure to perform will cost lives. A portion of the military training course known as Survival, Evasion, Resistance and Escape (SERE) simulates as closely as is feasible the physical and psychological conditions of a POW camp.

The problem with this approach, according to opponents, is that the stress and hostility comes from inside the group, and not from outside as in actual combat situation, creating suspicion and distrust towards the superiors and comrades-in-arms.[citation needed] Willing participants may be motivated by a desire to prove to senior soldiers their stability in future combat situations, making the unit more secure, but blatantly brutal hazing can in fact produce negative results, making the units more prone to break, desert or mutiny than those without hazing traditions, as observed in the Russian army in Chechnya, where units with the strongest traditions of dedovschina were the first to break and desert under enemy fire. At worst, hazing may lead into fragging incidents.

Source: Wikipedia

Once the newbie is accepted into the group, they have been conditioned to protect the group. Having established their authority, the newbie continues to try to please for fear of exile. Senior members continue to exploit their status. In terms of nursing, think of "can you cover my shift?" It also conditions the newbie to perpetuate the cycle.

There has been much talk about the toxic culture of healthcare, most recent focus on the learning and residency for physicians. Healthcare had such an abusive nature laterally, the Joint Commission came out with a code of conduct in 2009 ( I think that is the correct year).

This mainly was due to physician behavior toward the nursing staff. Looking at dysfunctional families, it is well documented that abusive behaviors are learned and passed on. That is where the saying "the abused has become the abuser" comes from. Just like in hazing, the members in an abusive family accept this an normal and try to hide the behaviors from outsiders.

Due to the secretive nature of hazing and the groups that perpetuate it, there has not been much research on it. The most comprehensive study came in 2008, a national hazing study was conducted by Dr Elizabeth Allan and Dr Mary Madden from the University of Maine. This investigation is the most comprehensive study of hazing to date and includes survey responses from more than 11,000 undergraduate students at 53 colleges and universities in different regions of the U.S. and interviews with more than 300 students and staff at 18 of these campuses.

With a couple high profile cases of bullying, such as the deaths of 15-year-old Cora Delille and 15-year-old Phoebe Prince, there has been a focus on bullying. This has prompted much research and new legislation aimed to curb bullying.

Bullying, domestic/family abuse, and hazing are all inter related acts of violence that protect groups (cliques) and establish a hierarchy of power through the use of force, intimidation, and sometimes violence.

I am not implying that all of healthcare is like this, but it does exist significantly that the Joint Commission addressed it in 2009.

Up to this point I am simply presenting information (sources of research) that may give you insight to your situation. As for solutions individually, that depends on the support systems, culture, and management structure of your institution.

We can take what we have learned from these situations and apply it to organizations and the healthcare system to recognize and correct them when they occur.

The opposite is nurturing and mentoring. In healthcare this starts with orientation. You should also be able to get a copy of your job description. Between these two items you should know what is expected of you. You should (theoretically) be able to access written protocols and checklists (protocol bullet points) of what you are suppose to do.

I know that this seems like a lot of additional work, especially since most of the issues should have been covered in your orientation.

Even OSHA now has requirements that cover workplace violence, bullying, and a hostile work environment. By law, companies with more than 10 employees must have programs addressing these issues.

I am sorry that I could not give you an answer, but these areas may give you insights as to the problem and possible solutions. When you address this issue with your supervisor/mentor/HR/administrator/employee assistance program/whoever, it is nice to have research that backs up your perceptions.

All I can say is good luck, and you need to think of yourself. If there is a culture without support, for your own well being you may need to move on.

Psychosocialist · Oct 7, 2014

Food for thought: This Charming Psychopath | Psychology Today

baymar67 · Oct 7, 2014

Wow thanks Banterings. When I talk about this with some of my family members, who are also Nurses, I refer to it as hazing as well.

I also believe these things should of been gone over by my preceptor. Sometimes I felt more like her helper then her student. I told her time and time again to leave me go and I'll ask questions but I think she was doing the smaller things and not filling me in on all the steps. I have learned a great deal but obviously there were some very important things left out. As stated, there is no time. I take no lunch or breaks and am there for 13 hours ( no one does). When I get report and I have never had a patient with this condition or illness, I always ask the nurse if there is anything I need to know/do. I will just start going in early and doing my research and hope they don't change assignments on me

CLMMRN · Oct 8, 2014

It sounds like the same situation I was in. And there's a lot more than the few things I mention here in my case too.

I went to my manager and was told "if you stand up to them, they'll stop." Unbelievable! My very first day on the floor, I only shadowed. Another nurse kept coming up to her saying things like "do you know what so&so did? I think I'm going to have to write her up. She's so stupid!" I was standing right next to her and she never even looked at me, just kept ranting about the "stupid nurse." I was appalled. At the end of the day, the educator assigned me to that very nurse! I knew I was in trouble. After 2 weeks with her, I requested a new preceptor. The next nurse was great! As soon as my orientation ended though, the preceptor that I began with along with the nurse I shadowed that first day started picking apart everything I did, either writing me up or complaining to the manager. These were young nurses (30ish) with only 1 and 2 years experience themselves. I was 45 at the time. They were knowledgeable, so I asked them questions hoping they'd see I respected their clinical expertise. That would only prompt them to tell my manager I didn't know what I was doing. They even tried to write me up for things I was following protocol on, that they were actually doing wrong!

By the time I left there, I'd become so afraid of missing something and trying to get report "right" that I started making mistakes. I was not a safe nurse on nights that I knew I'd be giving them report. I went to my manager several times but she only defended them. The other nurses would defend me to our manager, but told me that the manager was not going to do anything about it. I've got a fairly timid personality, but I've always gotten along very well with pretty much everyone. I felt like an idiot coming out of school because there's so much to learn. Then I felt completely incompetent after working with these 2 nurses. I left after 7 months with absolutely no confidence in my abilities. During my interview with my new employer, I let her know that my primary goal was to receive excellent training. I briefly described my lack of training and that I wanted to be the best nurse I could be. I let her know that salary was not my priority.

I'm now working on my BSN. I've realized I should have gone over my manager's head (I'd been too afraid). I look back now and think about how many unethical things they both did, and how many HIPAA violations they committed in an attempt to embarrass me and even other nurses. There were so many times I could have written them up but figured that would only make things worse.

My advice would be to go over your manager's head if you have to. If you don't feel you're a safe nurse because of the bullying, then find another job, even if it's under the 1 year point. You worked too long and hard to become a nurse. Oh, and keep a journal of everything that goes on. I hope things are getting better now.

caliotter3 · Oct 8, 2014

After about a year or so, you may find that you have settled in and the 'group' has decided to accept you. You may even feel as if you are a member of the work group. However, if you feel as if you are in a hostile environment at that time, you will have the minimum experience to start looking for a better workplace. Good luck.

Nola009 · Oct 8, 2014

Maybe. You are there, we aren't.Trust your instincts. I have just started working at a hospital, and have witnessed a specific nurse bullying one new grad and non-stop complaining about almost every other nurse. Well, the ones who aren't working her shift. It's sad for her, poor thing. Hey, if you "can read" then so can they. Do your best on reports, and only mind what your boss says.

Glycerine82, LPN · Oct 8, 2014

Total hostile work environment.

Can you set up a meeting with your director to go over your responsibilities? Even in the non-nursing world, this is my biggest gripe when starting a new job. Too many people who think such and such a thing is someone else s job. I usually go to my boss and get it out of the horses mouth. Too many chiefs, not enough Indians.

I really hope it gets better for you soon!

jadelpn, LPN, EMT-B · Oct 8, 2014

I would say, OP, to stop apologizing and/or offering to do things that the nurse coming on feels they do not want to. "Did you do the am labs" "No, they are due at 0730". And go right on with your SBAR report.

Do not apologize for not doing extra. Chances are you are not "supposed" to be doing these things, just the nurse coming on is hoping that perhaps you will, so they won't have to. Speaks volumes of the staffing ratios, but that is not your issue.

What you may want to do is get a real answer on if what they are asking if you did--the things that you did not know you were supposed to do--are a reality or not. And that is a discussion you can have with your manager. "I want to be sure that I am practicing in the most effective way. I have recently been told that I need to be starting morning labs prior to shift change. Is this correct? I want to be sure I manage my time effectively."

And as a pp suggested, only ask "do you have any questions regarding my report on this patient" and move on. Literally answer "no, I did not" or "yes, that was completed" and do not expand beyond that.

Best wishes.

jadelpn, LPN, EMT-B · Oct 8, 2014

Thank you everyone for your words of encouragement! To answer a few questions; I was a customer service team lead for 15 years before this. I knew the job very well and always treated my reps I was working with, with respect and professionalism. This may be why I'm having a hard time accepting this behavior I'm getting. I don't want to lower myself to their level but I am going to stand up for myself. The one thing I was yelled at for was stopping a heparin drip and 6:30 am and not calling the doctor right away to get a new order. I never had one heparin drip on orientation. I was going to call the Dr but then the morning nurse wanted report. I told her this and she went off on me calling me incompetent. Another nurse did say something to her about educating me and not yelling. My manager was aware of this incident because she asked me what happened. I didn't tell her she yelled at me in front of other nurses and that she called me incompetent. I told her I learned from it( though I'm sure someone told her). The other things I was belittled for were not faxing a form to dialysis, for a patient that was going to have dialysis that day(new to me), giving said patient her blood pressure med at 7 am before dialysis as the order stated. I asked another nurse if i should give it because we didn't know what time she was going and she said now.(she went at 8:30). The nurse coming on said I shouldn't of given it until dialysis called with a time. Not knowing to restart fluids for a patient going to have a colonoscopy, not hanging new med sheets in the patient's room when no meds had changed,
And not putting a new admits chart together. I know all of these things now and I do take them as learning experiences I just think the delivery of the message is demeaning. I am documenting the incidence now and do plan on talking to our nurse educator to go over protocols. I want to be a good nurse and make sure my patient's are safe and we'll taken care of. I'm just afraid my health is suffering from all the stress but I'm the one who needs to stop it, one way or another.

Ok, so the heparin drip--what did the orders say? If it were to be stopped, stop it, which you did. Then perhaps labs need to be done to re-start or not? Anyways, this is when I would say to charge "my heparin in room 444 stops at 6:30, what is the protocol from there?"

Faxing....Is there a unit clerk? Can that person fax for you? If the order says give the BP med, give the BP med. And the answer to that is "I gave the med as it was ordered". (and I assure you that if you did NOT give the BP med, THAT would have been quite a "thing" as well....sometimes you just can't win)

And the charts--again, do you have a clerk? Can the clerk put the new admit chart together? Because I can pretty much bet cash money that the day nurse will delegate this to the clerk as soon as report is over.

Use your resources, get guidance from your charge nurse. You only have so much time in a shift. Be sure though that you grab a copy of the heparin protocol and review it. Also, it may be in your best interest to fax a copy of the meds you give the patient who is going to dialysis with the form, so that they can plan an appropriate time based on that.

Just my couple of cents....

baymar67 · Nov 5, 2014

Update: I recently quit this job and am starting a new job. My manager called me and asked if there was anything she could do to make me stay. I said no. She asked me if I thought the job was to hard? I said no. She then asked if I had problems with other employees and I said "yes". She asked why I didn't come to her and I told her the truth. The last time I meet with her she told me I have " to earn the other nurses respect"and said maybe I was being "to sensitive". This told me that I was expected to take everyone's crap( I didn't say this to her). She immediately became defensive and said my excuse for leaving sounded like a cop out. I couldn't believe it! She then asked me to give 3 weeks instead of 2 weeks notice. I explained my new jobs training starts in 2 weeks. She then said she has to mark me non rehirable then. Well this just proved I made the right decision in leaving. There is so much more to this story and I tried to not make waves but I've learned that I need to open my mouth from the beginning.