All my friends are RNs

joanna73, BSN, RN · Oct 7, 2015

Life is too short for charity friends. I will not spend any time with people I do not genuinely enjoy. I have four close friends that I enjoy spending time with and that is plenty.

Farawyn · Oct 7, 2015

I have a question for you all. Today I got together with an old work mate. I basically have seen her maybe 4 or 5 times socially in the past 15 years. We were workplace allies 14 years ago, and semi kept in touch.
I really didn't have a good time. She's a reclusive person and very negative about nursing. She tells the same, boring stories about how she was done wrong by coworkers. She doesn't seem to enjoy other people at all.
She mentioned to me today that I am her only friend. I had no idea, and felt very uncomfortable, since I only have barely socialized with her. She's so serious, boring, and awkward I felt like I had wasted a day off.
She was able to quit nursing, she's 61 and her husband and her are frugal. Her kids are grown and he's still working.
I feel as if this gal has retreated into an almost unhealthy social isolation. I discussed it with a close friend who knew this gal from work, and we think she should be my charity friend. Everyone needs one friend. Maybe I can get her to laugh.
Today we biked up a trail 3 miles through the countryside to an antique mall. My girlfriends and I love to thriftshop and antique. Somehow, this gal seemed unnerving in her disengagement from the world, it was unsettling.
Does anyone have a charity friend? Someone you socialize with for their benefit?

No. I would cut it off. Because I would never want to be an obligation friendship to anyone else. That would break my heart.

SmilingBluEyes · Oct 7, 2015

Cut it off. You don't need that kinda negativity in your life. :yes:

Seriously. Life is way, way, WAY too short. Learn now, save heartache later.

SmilingBluEyes · Oct 7, 2015

PS True friendship is always MUTUALLY beneficial.

OrganizedChaos, LVN · Oct 7, 2015

My ex best friend would talk **** about nursing, I hated it. That was one of the reasons I quit hanging out with her. I couldn't stand listening to her bash my profession. I refuse to be friends with who isn't beneficial to my life.

Farawyn · Oct 7, 2015

PS True friendship is always MUTUALLY beneficial.

Friends have to grow with you just like relationships.

Horseshoe, BSN, RN · Oct 7, 2015

If you are being a friend purely out of charity, you aren't really a friend, much as you might try to be. It's a false friendship, and it benefits neither of you. Cut bait.

Emergent, RN · Oct 7, 2015

I was thinking of an every six months get together, maybe another bike ride.

She lives a long ways from me. I guess I feel like a bit of a lifeline to her. I'm no social butterfly, but if I'm her only friend and I see her only every couple years or less, that's a dire situation. The only reason I saw her this year was because she made a rare Facebook visit last winter and saw I had had a bad accident, and came and visited and did some household chores for me.

We do have some common interests such as self sufficient rural living and frugal living.

Princess Bubblegum · Oct 7, 2015

I adore my friends, but sometimes I feel the need to spend time with people outside of the healthcare industry. My closest girl friends are nurses/MAs/CNAs, BF is a MD, sister is an EMT, Mom was a LVN, Gran was a RN. I can't think of a time where healthcare wasn't a constant topic of conversation in my life. It would be so cool to go out for drinks with a group of people and not have every conversation turn into a bodily function debate or Press-Ganey survey rant. I love coming home to my cats.

joanna73, BSN, RN · Oct 7, 2015

Emergent if you are feeling obligated to this person, then the friendship is probably not worth it. When the relationship becomes a chore then it's usually time to end it.

annie.rn · Oct 7, 2015

I was thinking of an every six months get together, maybe another bike ride.
She lives a long ways from me. I guess I feel like a bit of a lifeline to her. I'm no social butterfly, but if I'm her only friend and I see her only every couple years or less, that's a dire situation. The only reason I saw her this year was because she made a rare Facebook visit last winter and saw I had had a bad accident, and came and visited and did some household chores for me.
We do have some common interests such as self sufficient rural living and frugal living.

I have mixed feelings. I wouldn't want to spend too much time trying to make the friendship work (i.e., the relationship becoming a "charity friendship") but I might give it a little more time. It was really nice of her to come for a visit and help you with your chores after your accident. There aren't a lot of people who would do that. She must think a lot of you.

Her comment about you being her only friend may have meant that you are the only friend she feels a strong connection with (as evidenced by her helping you out after your accident).

Maybe she's just a little depressed and getting out w/ you some will help to bring out more positivity in her. When she bi*c*es and moans about things, change the subject to something she can't be negative about. If there's nothing she can't be negative about then it's probably time to end it.

She lives far away and you only see her once or twice a year so that's not too much of an investment of your time if it doesn't work out in the long run.

Just my two cents :- )

Lev, MSN, RN, NP · Oct 7, 2015

Speech therapist, pharmacist, teacher, nurse (my ex preceptor-now retired)