add your funny TRIAGE complaints from pts

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Hey all new to the board, thought we could share some strang encounters in triage......

...as the 24yr male entered triage I asked what's wrong today? He replies my "ovories" hurt...... there is a time for pt education and there is a time when it's not....this is clearly one of those time its not.....

Whats yours?

JBL:sofahider

CC: Insomnia x 2 days

Review of med list. Ambien, mind you it is midnight. Did you take the Ambien tonight? PT: maybe, You did not drive here did you? PT: I cannot remember?. :no:

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Specializes in Emergency Nursing.

"I've got a bullet coming out of my leg" (yes, he ambulated in & really had an embedded bullet making its way out of his leg like a splinter)

"My baby had a bug on his head today. Can't find it now."

"Uhmm, a bottle is stuck up...there. Don't know how it happened."

"I think I punctured my brain when I sneezed yesterday."

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Specializes in med/surg---long term---pvt duty.

had a patient call into ER and ask if we did "milligrams" here....what??..."I need my boobs checked"....mammogram is what she really wanted

Had a guy come in and wanted checked because..."My girlfriend told me I had "Adult Chickenpox" on my my d*ck".....yep....a nasty case of genital herpes!!

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Specializes in ER/ICU/Flight.

Me: "what brings you to the ER today?"

Pt (with flat affect): "I need my peanut butter balls."

Me: "I see. and what happens when you don't get your peanut butter balls?"

Pt: "I fall out"

here began a lengthy Q:A session filled with repetitive questions (from me-sounding like i had a concussion) and vague, non-descript answers from him (because he wasn't much of a conversationalist), it was finally determined.....he wanted phenobarbitol because "falling out" was a seizure (in my defense i thought it was syncope).

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Specializes in Emergency.

Hey, we've had a peanut butter ball dependent pt, too! When we began computer documentation I insisted that they added peanut butter balls as a medication for the reconciliation form.

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Specializes in Emergency Dept, M/S.

Had an 18yo woman come in via EMS, chatting on her cell.

Her complaint: Constipation x14hours. Apparently had "not gone" that day, and was normally 2x/day.

She was sent to me in triage and then to the WR for about 4 hours. Doc ended up d/c'ing her with not even a stool softener. And she was furious, threatening "my dad works at a lawyer's office" (as what??) when we told her EMS/911 was for emergencies. Not because her car wouldn't start and she hadn't cr*pped today.

Ay-yi-yi!!

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Specializes in LTC, Home Health.

I would definitely get fired...no way could I keep a straight face.

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:yeah:"I have itchy feet" "my daughter has a little red mark on her arm" "I need to get a pregnancy test, I did 2 at home that were positive" "my son who weighs 220 pounds hasnt been eating too good the last day or so" I could go on for days with all of the nonsense I see coming into triage. Before I would get ill listening to all the petty stuff coming in to the ER, but now I just imagine I'm working in an urgent care center, and it keeps me in a better mood!!!!

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Specializes in Emergency.

This isn't a triage chief complaint, but it's still funny. This woman brought in her infant son and his name was spelled Crik. Of course we all made stabs at pronouncing his name all some variation of the sound in the beginning of the word cricket. We finally mentioned the unusual name to mom and asked her how to pronounce it. She said, "His name is Erik." We were all like, "oh, well registration misspelled it, they put a C on the front." She says,"No, that's right. When he was born they said you could spell Erik with either a C or a K. I spelled it with a C!".....unbelievable.

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Specializes in Emergency Room.
This isn't a triage chief complaint, but it's still funny. This woman brought in her infant son and his name was spelled Crik. Of course we all made stabs at pronouncing his name all some variation of the sound in the beginning of the word cricket. We finally mentioned the unusual name to mom and asked her how to pronounce it. She said, "His name is Erik." We were all like, "oh, well registration misspelled it, they put a C on the front." She says,"No, that's right. When he was born they said you could spell Erik with either a C or a K. I spelled it with a C!".....unbelievable.

That's hilarious. She didn't have ONE person in her life who was like "hun...they meant C or K at the end of his name"? Poor child.

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Nurse: " What brings you to the ER today?"

Pt:" Something going on down there"

Nurse: "Down where?"

Pt: "Down there" Pointing below the counter

Nurse: " Mamam, where down there?" (Pointing for effect)

Pt: " You know down there where I heat hotdogs"

Nurse: "What?"

Pt: " I warm hotdogs for my babydaddy down there and I think one is stuck and stinking"

:barf01:

:barf02::barf02::barf02:

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Specializes in Emergency Room.

I just had a patient call our front desk and request to speak to a nurse, so our patient reps transferred the call over to me at triage. This chick says "umm...I'm just wondering, if I have genital herpes and I have sex, can I spread it?" I think the pt rep could have handled that one. :p

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