add your funny TRIAGE complaints from pts

imanedrn · Jul 22, 2010

"goldstones pain"

Pt was told she had gallstones last fall and had RUQ pain.

Penelope_Pitstop, BSN, RN · Sep 15, 2010

I confess, not an ER nurse. However, I have friends who work in the ER, I have friends who are nursing coordinators and that sort of thing, so I do know a few good ones...

- "My friends left me at the mall and I'm upset!"

- "I hear spiders singing!"

- "I was grooming down there and I cut myself" (and he was drunk...)

- "I need checked for STDs" (apparently this is a daily occurence in our ED!)

and my favorite....

"hearing voices; box cutter in rectum."

When I'm having a bad day, I just think to myself..."hey, at least there's not a box cutter in my rectum!"

debRN0417 · Sep 21, 2010

EMT shadowing..he runs over to me and says "There's a lady out here who says her head is bleeding and she can't breathe." I run out...she is breathing fine, and yep her head is bleeding...from a serious lice infestation...ugh...

I need to see a doctor.

What is the problem.

I need the doctor to tell me that.

I have a you know, thing stuck down there.

No, I don't know, what kind of thing, where?

You know- that thing, down there...

A tampon that she couldn't get out.....

Help! Help! My di** is broken!

Yep...it sure was...fractured member...

Kid after auto accident with severe head laceration...

I don't know how this happened. I only drank a case of beer....

Oh Lordy I need a doctor quick- my baby's got the spindly meningeeters!

Help Help!! I'm starving. I need something to eat! Drunk guy brought from jail....

I'm going to have a fit (seizure) I am I just know I am. It's gonna happen at any second. I just know it is....

I have a bullet in my brain.

Yep she did.....

traumaerRN · Sep 23, 2010

I've had the little bottle stuck on a little member- the tampon that had been there waaaay to long, the broom stick handle that hs somehow just fell on it (had to go to surgery to get that one out) And the head lice that could of been taken care of by getting a kit at walmart or the health dept. One family says just get us all prescriptions cause money is no object "WE'VE GOT THE CARD" I just want to slap them right there... I do sometimes say well it does make a difference to me when you can just go walmart and get it other wise the rest of us have to pay for it in the long run.

Chixie · Sep 27, 2010

Patient came in with cuts to his face. Upon questioning he admits that his wife threw a plate at him because he critised her cooking.

RoyalNurse · Sep 27, 2010

Guy comes in with a distraught wife who can barely contain herself: "Coffee-ground stools". No blood visualized in stools, just diarrhea.

kalaniana · Sep 28, 2010

'Butt is bleeding'

"Miss, I had sex with the backside of my brush because I wanted to. Don't worry though I was safe and used a condom, I dont have AIDS or anything, just some bleeding."

A middleaged businessman came in with a 'skin problem.' Upon further examination patient had multiple scars, trackmarks, abscess' to bilateral forearms. First thing he says is "I don't do drugs, I dont know what happened."

MissJulie · Oct 14, 2010

I don't work in ED, never have, don't know if I'd want to, but I had to share this:

At work one day, in a pain management office, I had an middle-aged female (55, I think) that I asked when her last period was, because you never know, and she said she hadn't had one in 5 years. So, my next question was "Did you have a hysterectomy?" No. "Did you go through menopause?" No. "Did you go through 'the change'?" No. I just left a post-it note on the chart and had the doctor give a little education.

Oh, and I looked back at a person's chart one day, turns out her last month's pain complaint was "lower back radiating to legs, neck, headache, and nose pain." I just had to ask the supervisor what "nose pain" was supposed to be, she just said C-Y-A! and went on with her day...

As they say, it takes all sorts!