add your funny TRIAGE complaints from pts

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Hey all new to the board, thought we could share some strang encounters in triage......

...as the 24yr male entered triage I asked what's wrong today? He replies my "ovories" hurt...... there is a time for pt education and there is a time when it's not....this is clearly one of those time its not.....

Whats yours?

JBL:sofahider

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Specializes in Emergency Dept.

"My girlfriend and my roommate have syphilus."

Seriously - all that was written on the chief complaint.

I'm thinking they shouldn't be a girlfriend or roommate anymore.

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Specializes in Family NP, OB Nursing.

From OB:

32 wks pregnant with twins, "I don't feel so good, I think the babies are pressin' on my prostrate."

"My water broke up." (after several questions, pt was vomiting "some kinda chunky green stuff and well my last baby had that mecominum and this stuff looks just like it.)

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From a 15-yr-old girl in the wee hours of the morning: "I think I'm pregnant." After several long minutes and several questions about why she thinks she's pregnant: "Because we did it three times."

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Specializes in ER, home care, med-surg, tele, ICU....

Here I sit with my co-workers, including nurses, clerks and PA's and we got an absolute KICK out of these complaints...here are some of ours

Chief Complaint:

"My balls are bigger than yours" (Direct quote)

"The skidmarks on my underwear are getting longer"

"I have skin hanging from my a**"

"Total collapse, dying like symptoms" -side note, this pt. left without treatment.

"to prove something"- pt. wanted to prove her virginity to her parents

I'm sure we'll come up with more. They pour in regularly.

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Specializes in Me Surge.

Chief Complaint:

"The skidmarks on my underwear are getting longer"

I think we have a winner of the absolute most ridiculous complaint contest! Did you tell them them "the laundry is down the street, this is a hospital"?

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Specializes in LTC/Rehab,Med/Surg, OB/GYN, Ortho, Neuro.

I got to hear this one from one of our ER nurses:

The mother brought her 9 y/o son in, middle of the night mind you, because she thought his member was too small for his age.

I felt sorry for that kid when I heard, having to be brought in for that.

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Specializes in ICU, CRU, ER, Med/Surg.

I'm hurting in my arm and I think I have coppertone.

Thought he had carpal tunnel syndrome.

A guy with abdominal cramping, diarrhea, nausea and vomiting presented to triage one evening and stated "I ate at the Chinese restaurant and I've got toe-nail poisoning!

"ptomaine poisoning"

Couldn't keep a straight face on that one....:rotfl:

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Specializes in Emergency.

"My hair hurts"

(might want to loosen that ponytail there ma'am ;))

:D

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Specializes in critical care,flight nursing.

One guy presenting after he went rafting. He felt in the water and was anxious that he could had some water in his lungs!! Ans last week I had this lady that presented she said she's has been having abd pain and had stone in her stool. I ask what did they look like. She pull a ziplock with what appear to be very hard raisin.

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Specializes in Med/Surge, ER.

The best I've got this week is....."I can't tell you"......and "God said NO!"

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Specializes in Rural Health.

I have HIV-pylori.....so you have H-pylori???? NO, the doctor said it's HIV-pylori and I'm really really really sick and I'm going to die....So...do you have HIV? Well, no, I don't think so....I've never used needles, I only snort. So, do you have a stomach disease....NO it's HIV-pylori and I'm going to die from it but it's not in my stomach - I looked it up on the internet and it's in my lungs.

This converstation went on forever like this and no, she wasn't a psych patient.

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