Accepting aging and disability

Nurses General Nursing

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Another thread mentioning that the boomers aren't interested in going to nursing homes got me thinking. I'm finding that there are older people I have encountered say in their 70s and 80s who don't appear to have done much along the lines of accepting and planning for their inevitable decline. After a long blessed life of good health they seem shocked that things are now going down hill and resistant to accept they might have to leave their home. Maybe its me but I'm doubtful that many people just die naturally in their sleep at their own home.

It's funny you said that, because I was just thinking, I will let my cancer kill me before I go into a nursing home. I can't think of a more horrid existence than being stuck in a home.

My goal was to say it so often that my kids rolllllll their eyes and recite it along with me, so I know they've got it and there will be no fighting over it:

"At some point some smartass case manager is going to tell you I'm not safe to go home. At that point, you sign me out AMA and spend what's needed for home care. I would rather trip over a cat on my own stairs and fall down and break my neck and die in my own front hall than spend three days, three weeks, or three years in a SNF."

They've got it.

Specializes in Family Nurse Practitioner.
I suppose no one likes to think they will never be independent. And the baby boomers (me too!) are all about personal freedom. But it seems to me that once you accept the challenge of being dependent you accept that you are in the dying process. No wonder people put it off.

I agree that no one wants to think they won't be independent but the dying process is part of the living process so planning as best you can is crucial, imo.

Specializes in Oncology; medical specialty website.
My goal was to say it so often that my kids rolllllll their eyes and recite it along with me, so I know they've got it and there will be no fighting over it:

"At some point some smartass case manager is going to tell you I'm not safe to go home. At that point, you sign me out AMA and spend what's needed for home care. I would rather trip over a cat on my own stairs and fall down and break my neck and die in my own front hall than spend three days, three weeks, or three years in a SNF."

They've got it.

Make that three seconds in a nursing home for me.

When I had my knee replaced a few years ago, the wretched case manager at the hospital told me two days after surgery that I wasn't recovering fast enough and that they would be sending me to a SNF. I called my parents, hysterical. Bless their hearts, they went to check out the home I was going to be sent to; I still remember them trying to convince me that it wasn't "awful." Their eyes said something different.

Fortunately, I turned a corner the next day, and I was "allowed" to stay an extra day in the hospital. That was almost two years ago, and I still remember the panic I felt over just a temporary stay in a nursing home.

Specializes in CCU, SICU, CVSICU, Precepting & Teaching.

I remember thinking that I'd rather just die of my cancer or whatever else -- pneumonia, UTI or drowning -- than live in a nursing home with dementia for years and years like either my mother or my mother in law. I have LTC insurance, and DH and I have actually talked about "what ifs". But our documentation, sadly, is lacking.

Another thread mentioning that the boomers aren't interested in going to nursing homes got me thinking. I'm finding that there are older people I have encountered say in their 70s and 80s who don't appear to have done much along the lines of accepting and planning for their inevitable decline. After a long blessed life of good health they seem shocked that things are now going down hill and resistant to accept they might have to leave their home. Maybe its me but I'm doubtful that many people just die naturally in their sleep at their own home.

You would be correct.

Specializes in Med nurse in med-surg., float, HH, and PDN.

So, yes to the documentation, but my plan is to do the eskimo death, essentially. Take some hoarded pills around midnight on the coldest night of the winter, put on a thin, wet nightgown, and when sufficiently drowsey, go outdoors and ....that's all she wrote!

A better choice than a nursing home.

Don't tell me 'what if it's summer?' or 'what if you can' do it that way because of a stroke,' or whatever else could occur. The above scenario is fiction, (so far).

I've had so many HH patients over the years who've refused transfer to a higher level of care and unsafely remain in their homes, often for extended periods. I get it, I do, but it's horrible on their kids who can't just say, "let the bastard rot", instead their lives are scrambled trying to raise their own kids, perhaps deal with their own or spouse's health problems, work and run back and forth trying to deal with an unresolvable parental situation, unless mom has means and then they can throw money at it.

Specializes in Med-Surg, NICU.

I've volunteered at a nursing home and have even cared for patient transfers in the hospital. It is shocking how much they deteriorate in LTC facilities coming into the hospital with pneumonia, stage four pressure ulcers, extremely dehydrated and malnourished and poor hygiene. I told my mom that she will never stay in a nursing home. Home health all the way!

One time I was taking care of a patient. She complained that I wasn't bathing her fast enough and how she would have bathed x amount of residents when she worked as a nursing assistant. I told her in the hospital we are thorough. I wanted to say that in the hospital we actually take care of the patient and inherit the train wreck neglected transfers from the LTC.

The day I can't care for myself will be the day I "pass away."

So, yes to the documentation, but my plan is to do the eskimo death, essentially. Take some hoarded pills around midnight on the coldest night of the winter, put on a thin, wet nightgown, and when sufficiently drowsey, go outdoors and ....that's all she wrote!

A better choice than a nursing home.

Don't tell me 'what if it's summer?' or 'what if you can' do it that way because of a stroke,' or whatever else could occur. The above scenario is fiction, (so far).

That sounds terribly depressing. Why not a "blow it all out and die of a massive heart attack" trip to Mexico involving tons of hookers and cocaine? Wait...you might decide you want to live some more!

Suicidal Man Finds Will To Live After Hookers And Cocaine In Mexico

I've volunteered at a nursing home and have even cared for patient transfers in the hospital. It is shocking how much they deteriorate in LTC facilities coming into the hospital with pneumonia, stage four pressure ulcers, extremely dehydrated and malnourished and poor hygiene. I told my mom that she will never stay in a nursing home. Home health all the way!

One time I was taking care of a patient. She complained that I wasn't bathing her fast enough and how she would have bathed x amount of residents when she worked as a nursing assistant. I told her in the hospital we are thorough. I wanted to say that in the hospital we actually take care of the patient and inherit the train wreck neglected transfers from the LTC.

The day I can't care for myself will be the day I "pass away."

Yeah, LTC = deterioration for sure, IMO. Seen it myself in family, friends, and patients.

That said, to be fair, LTC's are horribly understaffed, and the choice is often "no bath, or insufficient bath". NSG assistant at LTC vs. NSG assistant/nurse/etc. at a hospital are two different animals and won't understand each other sometimes, because in the hospital, there is actually (typically?) time for a "real" bath.

My opinion is that once people are old and become crystallized in their thinking, any change of routine is a horrible idea, and nothing changes a routine like taking someone out of their home and away from everything they have grown accustomed to. I think that is what really kills old people who just seem to "deteriorate" (vs. those with cancer or some other definable medical problem).

Specializes in Family Nurse Practitioner.
That sounds terribly depressing. Why not a "blow it all out and die of a massive heart attack" trip to Mexico involving tons of hookers and cocaine? Wait...you might decide you want to live some more!

Suicidal Man Finds Will To Live After Hookers And Cocaine In Mexico

That would be my husband's plan. :D

Specializes in Med nurse in med-surg., float, HH, and PDN.
That sounds terribly depressing. Why not a "blow it all out and die of a massive heart attack" trip to Mexico involving tons of hookers and cocaine? Wait...you might decide you want to live some more!

Suicidal Man Finds Will To Live After Hookers And Cocaine In Mexico

Only thing is I ain't a man and have zero interest in hookers! :roflmao:

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