Accepting aging and disability

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Another thread mentioning that the boomers aren't interested in going to nursing homes got me thinking. I'm finding that there are older people I have encountered say in their 70s and 80s who don't appear to have done much along the lines of accepting and planning for their inevitable decline. After a long blessed life of good health they seem shocked that things are now going down hill and resistant to accept they might have to leave their home. Maybe its me but I'm doubtful that many people just die naturally in their sleep at their own home.

Specializes in Critical Care, ED, Cath lab, CTPAC,Trauma.
Yeah, LTC = deterioration for sure, IMO. Seen it myself in family, friends, and patients.

That said, to be fair, LTC's are horribly understaffed, and the choice is often "no bath, or insufficient bath". NSG assistant at LTC vs. NSG assistant/nurse/etc. at a hospital are two different animals and won't understand each other sometimes, because in the hospital, there is actually (typically?) time for a "real" bath.

My opinion is that once people are old and become crystallized in their thinking, any change of routine is a horrible idea, and nothing changes a routine like taking someone out of their home and away from everything they have grown accustomed to. I think that is what really kills old people who just seem to "deteriorate" (vs. those with cancer or some other definable medical problem).

Lets be honest here....as you get older you too will realize that is has nothing whatsoever to do with crystallized thinking but has everything to do with the loss of privacy and your independence.

Now you have to give up everything....you house, your things, your pets. YOU are told when to eat not given a choice of what to eat. You have to wait to go to the bathroom or bathe. Each day an unrelenting cacophony of strangers and sounds.

NO THANKS

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Specializes in Family Nurse Practitioner.
Lets be honest here....as you get older you too will realize that is has nothing whatsoever to do with crystallized thinking but has everything to do with the loss of privacy and your independence.

Now you have to give up everything....you house, your things, your pets. YOU are told when to eat not given a choice of what to eat. You have to wait to go to the bathroom or bathe. Each day an unrelenting cacophony of strangers and sounds.

NO THANKS

Well said but this shouldn't come as a surprise to any of us who live long enough. In an effort to have some sense of control I believe there should be appropriate planning and also acceptance.

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Specializes in Med nurse in med-surg., float, HH, and PDN.

So many of my previous LTC patients expressed thanks for the care given to them, BUT, they were so lonely and hungry for more than just a 'sweetie' and a smile as CG's dashed in and out of the room. Having the person they are and were.......just gone from their lives is heartbreaking.

Not saying there aren't LTC workers who are more 'engaged' with the patients, but by and large the patients identity is erased over time; that's what 'kills'.

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Specializes in Critical Care, ED, Cath lab, CTPAC,Trauma.
Well said but this shouldn't come as a surprise to any of us who live long enough. In an effort to have some sense of control I believe there should be appropriate planning and also acceptance.

I fully accept that I am getting older. I fully accept that I can't do the things I used to. I fully accept that something may happen to me that I will not be able to wipe my own behind.

I have planned. I have a very specific advanced directive and health care proxy. Young adult children that I have been very clear with. A sister that is 10 years younger than I that I have been very clear with....I will choose my exit if it isn't chosen for me...but it will NOT be in LTC.

If I become incompetent and my children do not follow my wishes....when I do die I plan on haunting them. (Don't panic.....it's a running joke in our house LOL)

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Well said but this shouldn't come as a surprise to any of us who live long enough. In an effort to have some sense of control I believe there should be appropriate planning and also acceptance.

Some people want to take these steps, and take them. Others, for whatever reasons, don't choose to take these steps. You can't apply your "shoulds" to other people. People, including older and infirm people, are individuals, with their own values and preferences.

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Specializes in Med nurse in med-surg., float, HH, and PDN.

​Man plans, God laughs.

Do the best you can and pray a lot.

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Specializes in Family Nurse Practitioner.
Some people want to take these steps, and take them. Others, for whatever reasons, don't choose to take these steps. You can't apply your "shoulds" to other people. People, including older and infirm people, are individuals, with their own values and preferences.

Not attempting to apply my "shoulds" to other people and thanks for the reminder but I understand people are individuals with their own values and preferences.

Sorry for the confusion, to clarify: If anyone happens to desire or expect a sense of control over their life as they age they might want to consider planning and acceptance of what is likely the inevitable. ;)

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Specializes in Oncology; medical specialty website.
Not attempting to apply my "shoulds" to other people and thanks for the reminder but I understand people are individuals with their own values and preferences.

Sorry for the confusion, to clarify: If anyone happens to desire or expect a sense of control over their life as they age they might want to consider planning and acceptance of what is likely the inevitable. ;)

What is the point of this post...this thread? I think most of us who have responded have been crystal clear that we have planned for when we get older or sicker.

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Specializes in Family Nurse Practitioner.
What is the point of this post...this thread? I think most of us who have responded have been crystal clear that we have planned for when we get older or sicker.

As per the quoted text I was simply responding to Susie2310's reply to one of my comments.

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Sorry for the confusion, to clarify: If anyone happens to desire or expect a sense of control over their life as they age they might want to consider planning and acceptance of what is likely the inevitable. ;)

Do you mind if I ask how old you are, and how long you have been an RN and in what kind of work?

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Specializes in Family Nurse Practitioner.
Do you mind if I ask how old you are, and how long you have been an RN and in what kind of work?

Early 50's, which might account for some of my focus on my decline. ;) I work in psych.

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Most of the research on happiness suggests that older people get happier. My DH and I have found this to be the case. At least you have something to look forward to. :)

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