Abuse From Management

[boomer1]

Does anyone know what one can do if being abused by management. My fiance' is a new RN as of March in New Jersey. The hospital she works in has management yelling and screaming at her at times, even in front of patients. She feels they are possibly trying to get her to quit for whatever reason, even though she get's many "well done" comments from her preceptors. There are certainly things she needs to learn and things shes does wrong, but instead of calm, constructive criticism, she gets yelling and abuse, not to mention she works many hours overtime without barely a 5 minute lunch. She needs help desperately, as I feel helpless and don't know what advice to give her. Any advice is deeply appreciated. Thanks

Philip

[TazziRN, RN]

She can try contacting a labor attorney for harassment.

Other than that, there's not much we can say. It's harder since it's you posting and not her.

[TheCommuter, BSN, RN]

Unfortunately, abusive nurse managers are common in healthcare facilities, and the situation tends to not improve as time passes. Your spouse has received a harsh welcome to the political world of nursing.

I have noticed that abusive managers target certain individuals, while leaving other persons alone. Unfortunately, it's all about perception. If you are perceived as one who will not stand up to the manager, you'll be targeted for further harassment and hollering. If you're perceived as someone who will put up resistance and not allow anyone to run over you, then the nurse manager will quickly know to leave you alone. I'd hate to admit it, but your spouse has somehow identified herself as an easy target for the yelling.

Bullying is a crime of opportunity. Abusive managers tend to pick the most opportune targets: people who are less likely to respond in a defensive manner to the yelling. Also, if nothing is done, the manager will continue his/her screaming, because he/she has gotten away with it previously and will continue...

[caliotter3]

She can go to a new place of employment but no one guarantees that it will be much better. There are potential problems almost every place you go. She has to decide how badly she needs that job and whether it is worth it to her to stay there. Also, something to be considered, how many employment opportunities are available? Another thing to consider, management types talk to each other. If she decides to leave she should make certain that she leaves on good terms. Good luck to her.

[meownsmile, BSN, RN]

Not sure what her situation is but if someone starts yelling at her in hallways or in front of other staff about all you can do is listen but you dont have to respond. However, later i would sure request a meeting in the NM or whoever it is office and there would be one big debate about who is never going to yell like that again. In the privacy of someone's office things can be said that really shouldnt be said in the hallways. I really think if she once stands up for herself she wont be the victim anymore, they will move on to someone else who is more easily stomped on.

People like that only like confrontation if they are the only ones confronting, they dont like to be confronted on their own poor behavior.

[Mrs. M.]

She should talk to Human Resources. It might not help, but at least she will know that she gave it her best effort. If the manager is abusive there's a good chance that she's not the first who has complained. Most hospitals have a Grievance Policy - she should certainly read that. She should also be prepared to vote with her feet, if HR is not responsive.

[BBFRN, BSN, PhD]

She needs to start documenting these occurrences as well- with dates, times, witnesses, and details. That's what I did in a similar situation, before contacting a labor atty. In my case, it worked in my favor that my boss liked to yell at me in front of others. She needs to also document going up the proper chain of command, the conversations that took place with higher-ups, and what was done about the situation.

Here is an extensive resource for tips on how to deal with a bully in the workplace- including bully bosses:

http://www.bullyonline.org/

Here is a link to a national database of labor attorneys: http://www.martindale.com/Labor-and-Employment/8704-LL2/lawyers-countries.html?site=466&CMP=KNC-GAWM

Just click on your state's link to get a local list. Good luck to your fiancee- I have been there, and it sucks.

[justme1972]

There is nothing wrong with professionally telling a supervisor or manager to lower their voice, out of the earshot of other employees. If she is in the room with a patient and something happens, she should excuse herself, and walk out of the room...that will surely force the manager to leave the room and at least take it to the hallway.

Managers that engage in that type of behavior do so, because they can....your fiance is probably not the first, and HR is most likely already aware of it, especially if it's muliple managers engaging in the same unprofessional behavior.

Good management, always starts from the top down.

[llg, PhD, RN]

When an employee is unhappy with how they are treated, there are always 4 basic courses of action to choose from:

1. Take legal action -- but that will only be successful if laws are broken AND sufficient evidence exists. We're not lawyers here, so we can't give legal advice. If your fiance thinks that laws are actually being broken, she will need to consult an attorney about that.

2. Find a new job. A lot of people (in every profession) don't like their bosses. Leaving is always an option -- even if it's an option that may not be particularly attractive.

3. Trying to change the working conditions by the use of interpersonal interaction skills and/or political skills. This is what most people would try to do first, before considering the other 3 options. Previous posters have started giving suggestions on strategies that might be helpful.

4. Learn to cope with the unpleasantness through stress management strategies. Sometimes, we can't change everything we would like to change and we need to learn to be strong and live a happy life in spite of them. Sometimes, we just have to be strong and endure hard times for a while. That's what the "Serenity Prayer" is all about. That's the prayer that goes something like ... "God, grant me the ability to change the things I need to change, accept the things I can not change, and the wisdom to know the difference."

Exactly how bad is it at your fiancee's workplace? Is her boss really "yelling" at her in a very loud voice? ... using abusive/threatening language? ... singling her out for particularly harsh treatment? ... etc. or ... Is your fiancee over-reacting to a some negative feedback that was expressed clumsily? .... How "thick-skinned" is your fiancee? Does she usually handle pressure and negative feedback well? Is this the first time she has had to do something this difficult? I find it odd that they are "yelling at her" ... if her preceptors think she is doing a good job. I suspect your fiancee may be misinterpreting a few things, but I can't tell what things. She would probably benefit by having a serious sit-down talk with someone (preceptor? mentor? manager?) to help her more fully interpret her situation. Is she really doing well on the job or not?

What is the general mood of the unit where she works? If things are as bad as you describe -- with people "yelling" in the hallways -- I would think that other employees would also be upset about the situation and your fiancee would be able to get some encouragement and practical support for her fellow staff members who must also be unhappy with that management style. I would also think that patients would be complaining and it would be well-known within the hospital that this problem exists on that unit. If that's the case, she should be able to find some allies within her unit or at least within the hospital who can help her navigate the hosptial system and help her resolve the situation.

She may also want to talk with the Nurse Recrutiers at that hospital. They might be in a position to give her some good advice and/or help her find a more suitable placement within the same hospital.

[BBFRN, BSN, PhD]

Exactly how bad is it at your fiancee's workplace? Is her boss really "yelling" at her in a very loud voice? ... using abusive/threatening language? ... singling her out for particularly harsh treatment? ... etc. or ... Is your fiancee over-reacting to a some negative feedback that was expressed clumsily? .... How "thick-skinned" is your fiancee? Does she usually handle pressure and negative feedback well? Is this the first time she has had to do something this difficult? I find it odd that they are "yelling at her" ... if her preceptors think she is doing a good job. I suspect your fiancee may be misinterpreting a few things, but I can't tell what things. She would probably benefit by having a serious sit-down talk with someone (preceptor? mentor? manager?) to help her more fully interpret her situation. Is she really doing well on the job or not?

Statistically, a bully boss will target someone who is actually doing a great job. In my own experience as a ANM, I was yelled at constantly in front of others by the NM. My "crime" was that the staff liked and trusted me, and that they were more comfortable discussing issues with me than her, because of her confrontational communication style. I know I personally didn't misinterpret that NM's actions. As a matter of fact, several staff nurses came to me and told me that if I didn't talk to the higher-ups about the way she treated me, they would.

We had worked together at another facility at the same level, and she never would have talked to me there the way she did at the latter facility. She apparently felt very threatened by my relationship with the staff and my peers- because I had a good rapport with them and did my job well. I don't find it odd at all that a NM would treat someone this way, because I have lived it. And I am no shrinking violet, and am pretty thick-skinned, BTW. I did all of your suggestions before contacting an atty. This was the first and only time I had ever experienced being bullied, because she knew I wanted to to a great job, was committed to doing a great job, and was desperate to keep my job, due to having a husband who is a full time engineering student, and a baby that had health problems.

Not all perceptions of being bullied or targeted are misperceptions. To the contrary, a bullying boss may use this as an excuse to their higher-ups when having to explain why a subordinate has a complaint of such treatment. Mine did. It was only when she started yelling at other NMs, etc. that people started to see a pattern.

New nurse or not, if the fiancee feels she is being bullied, she probably is. Her being thin-skinned may have nothing to do with it, except by making her a prime target.

[jjjoy, LPN]

I don't know if your fiancee has tried this or not but if not...

When someone starts to raise their voice to matter of factly say "Please do not raise your voice." If someone digs right in with yelling, walk away. If they follow, calmly say "I won't listen to yelling." There's a simple technique called "broken record" where you dispassionately repeat your point until the other person gets it or gives up. If the person keeps loudly arguing about whatever it is, the other person immediately responds with "Please do not raise your voice" or by walking away from yelling.

If one isn't used to dealing with these types of situations, it can be VERY difficult NOT to respond to the other person's provoking tactics - to get defensive or to feel diminished. It takes practice to detach emotionally from what is being said and how it's being said and to matter-of-factly demand that it be said respectfully (versus an emotional plea to "be nicer" or a biting castigation of their unprofessional ways). It can be frustrating, too, since one already has enough to deal with without having to deal with managers that don't behave professionally.

In cases like these, not allowing the bully to push one around might create a change in dynamics and make the work environment tolerable. Or it still might be a miserable environment. It's still worth it for the bullying victim to demand to be treated with respect, if only for their own sense of self respect.

[llg, PhD, RN]

Not all perceptions of being bullied or targeted are misperceptions.

.

I never said that the OP's fiance was not being bullied -- just that there was a lot of information missing in his description of the situation. There is usually more than one side to such stories and we haven't heard enough to draw a valid conclusion.

That section of my post had 2 main points:

1. We need a little more information to be sure we have a clear picture of the situation. Jumping to wrong conclusions based on insufficient information could lead us to recommend strategies that would not be helpful -- and that could, in fact, actually hurt the OP's fiance.

2. If the boss truly is such a diabolical bully as you are suggesting she is (one possibility, but not the only possibility) ... then there are most likely other people on the unit who are aware of this. It's unlikely that behavior this bad just suddenly surfaced for the first time when the OP's fiance was hired. Those people could be a source of support and concrete help in resolving the situation.

I stand by my general recommendations.

1. More thorough assessment of the situation to be sure that the fiance's interpretation of the situation is correct. Who knows? Maybe she is interpreting her preceptors' comments incorrect and she is actually doing a very bad job and endangering patients. It's quite common for people who are struggling in their jobs to misinterpret the cues they are getting from preceptors and managers. She should sit down and have a serious conversation with her preceptors to discuss the situation and be sure that she is doing as well in her job as she thinks she is. Such a meeting would also be a good opportunity to express her distress about her manager's behavior. Maybe the preceptors can give her some insight and help with that.

2. She should find out if others on the unit have noticed and/or experienced the behavior of the manager and find out how they feel about it. The perspectives of other people who are knowledgable enough about the situation would be valuable. It would also help her to identify co-workers who could help her resolve the situation.

I also agree with jjjoy's suggestion on how to deal with yelling. Raising the voice is very rarely appropriate.