ABANDONED

Nurses Relations

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Specializes in Trauma, ER, ICU, CCU, PACU, GI, Cardiology, OR.

Certainly, several of you have witness this kind of treatment within families. Let me explain what I'm referring to, a week ago a teenager was brought to ED; after being examined by one of our ER doctors and labs.were done, he was diagnose with HIV. Unquestionably, the parents of the teen were outraged! to hear that their football player son in high school, came down with this disease.

Undoubtedly, after offering our support and guidance, along with social worker and other services; the parents advised one of our staff that they were going get something out of their car. However, they never returned to claim their son. Furthermore, several attempts to contact the teen's parents fell in death ears; on the last call to his parents the father answered and stated " My son died when my wife and I took him to your ER" Needless to say, the father used some derogatory name to refer to his son as well.

Having said that, my question is how can a parent abandoned their own flesh and blood, at a time of crisis, with all the new knowledge that's out there regarding this disease! It's truly beyond my comprehension as a single parent myself, I can't fathom what this teenager is going through. No one can deny, that there's still work to be done in order to educate the public. In conclusion, it's not easy to swallow why the public wonders the increase of Teen suicide!!!

My great grand mama use to say in one of her many sayings and I quote " There's nothing worse than the blind that doesn't care to see"

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That's awful. I don't understand how parents do the things they do. We had a jaw fx come in on a 6yr old. Her mom let her suffer for 3 days before she brought her in for an eval. She couldn't move her jaw. So she couldn't talk or eat. She was able to take some fluids from a straw. You know damn well that if the mom had the injury she wouldn't have waited 3 days to see someone.

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My best advice would not to make a judgement upon the families or patient's decisions. Support them all and educate them all to the best of your ability. Often times there are dynamics that are working behind the scenes that you are unaware of. There may be familial or cultural beliefs and values at work here, it is not our place to judge.

What we may see as abandonment may be seen as "tough love" or some other device. The song, "A Boy Named Sue" comes to mind.

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That's awful. I don't understand how parents do the things they do. We had a jaw fx come in on a 6yr old. Her mom let her suffer for 3 days before she brought her in for an eval. She couldn't move her jaw. So she couldn't talk or eat. She was able to take some fluids from a straw. You know damn well that if the mom had the injury she wouldn't have waited 3 days to see someone.

You are projecting your values onto the mother. Common sense is not so common and not everyone may see the same injury for what it is. I wonder if financial devastation was a concern for the mother?

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Specializes in Trauma, ER, ICU, CCU, PACU, GI, Cardiology, OR.

Needless to say, and I speak for myself as I'm well aware of the Golden Rule during my 15 years plus of nursing, not to judge my patients. Unquestionably, I didn't let my feelings show when this occur at the ER. However, when I wrote the above post I was in the frame of mind of a father; who couldn't fathom a decision taken by my patient's parents, to abandoned him just because he contracted HIV. Furthermore, Golden rule or not, we are talking in regards to an abandoned teenager, a human being. Certainly, I have 3 children that I'm raising on my own, and no matter what the future holds for them I'll be there in the good and the bad; to guide them and protect them to the best of my capabilities. Just saying~

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Specializes in Certified Med/Surg tele, and other stuff.

How can some parents murder their children? There are some scenarios that I just don't understand. I have seven kids and would walk through fire through fire for every single one of them. My 6th is special needs. I sure didn't see that one coming, but yet again, would never, ever abandon her.

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Needless to say, and I speak for myself as I'm well aware of the Golden Rule during my 15 years plus of nursing, not to judge my patients. Unquestionably, I didn't let my feelings show when this occur at the ER. However, when I wrote the above post I was in the frame of mind of a father; who couldn't fathom a decision taken by my patient's parents, to abandoned him just because he contracted HIV. Furthermore, Golden rule or not, we are talking in regards to an abandoned teenager, a human being. Certainly, I have 3 children that I'm raising on my own, and no matter what the future holds for them I'll be there in the good and the bad; to guide them and protect them to the best of my capabilities. Just saying~

I totally understand, I am a father of two (I am pleased to say I am actually sitting in postpartum with my 8lb 11oz baby girl!) and I cannot fathom doing that to my children. That being said, my father had a "get tough to survive" mentality as well as my father's father.

Personally I detest such behavior but professionally, when it comes to my patients, I make no judgements.

I have a really good story about judging patients and their families that I might tell.

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Specializes in LTC Rehab Med/Surg.

As the product of a dysfunctional family, I have to agree with asystole's postion. Nobody knows what has preceded the 16-60 years prior to any of us seeing a particular pt. We don't know what kind of life they lead, the family dynamic, or the individual relationships. Just because I can't understand a certain behavior, doesn't mean that behavior is unreasonable.

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Family members refuse to speak to people for far less than that shocking ER revelation. I would give the parents the benefit of taking time to digest the news before I passed judgement.

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There was an elderly Alzheimer's patient who lived in LTC and had only a single contact, her MPOA who happened to be her son. She did not own a single stitch of clothing nor any trappings for her "home." No one would call her nor would anyone vista or send her cards.

A concerned nurse who grew very fond of this sweet little old lady became very upset that the son "abandoned" his mother. How dare he not even provide for some simple clothing or a single picture! He had the money, he was a MD with a thriving practice in an adjacent state.

Right before Christmas the concerned nurse called the son so that she could try to get her patient some clothing so that she could participate in the Christmas activities with dignity instead of the drab hospital gown she always wore.

The son's response is as follows,

"Look, I know how this looks but I will explain my negligence to you. My mother, my mother abused me as a child. She was a heavy drinker and would beat me every time she became drunk. At the age of 7 she abandoned me at a store. I went to live with my grandmother who effectively raised me and gave me the love I never had. At the age of 14 my mother sobered up and came to live with my grandmother, I could not be happier with this.

After living with us for several months while getting back on her feet we were preparing to move out to my mother's new apartment. The day we were supposed to move she abandoned me again. Before she left however, she cleaned out my grandmother's bank account and stole her entire life's savings, not to mention stealing all of her jewelry.

My grandmother went and got a second job and worked hard to put me through college. After college my mother reappeared and took care of my aging grandmother who had been able to financially restabilize and provide for her retirement.

Again my mother left after cleaning out my grandmother's bank accounts. Fortunately I was in the financial position at the time to ensure that my beloved grandmother spent her final days in comfort.

Now I am older with grown children of my own and I receive a phone call from you guys stating that I was placed as her only point of contact and I am not her MPOA. My mother brutalized me, abandoned me, and she attempted to destroy the only woman who ever loved me growing up.

My mother is an animal. Like my dogs I will ensure that she has a roof over her head and food in her belly. Other than that I will not provide any other comfort for her. I do not care what happens to her and I know where monsters like her go when they die.

Do as you wish with her but do not ask me for any assistance. Thank you."

True story.

This is why I try to reserve my judgement and stay neutral.

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Nobody knows what has preceded the 16-60 years prior to any of us seeing a particular pt. .

With a quote like, "my son died when my wife and I took him to your ER" I think we get the drift.

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Asystole, MAZEL TOV!

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