A Dear Abbey letter. What is your take?

[Faeriewand]

I would like to hear your opinions regarding this situation from a letter taken from Dear Abbey. Do you agree with Abbey? Or should the nurse have done something differently?

DEAR ABBY: While sitting with my husband in the hospital following his surgery, a nurse entered his room. We all chatted while she took his pulse, etc., when -- without warning -- she removed his covers to check the surgery site and totally exposed his genitals.

I was shocked and embarrassed, and have trouble ridding myself of the image of my naked husband lying there in front of another woman. I wish the nurse had given me the chance to leave the room.

Is there something wrong with me for having so much trouble with this? What can I do to avoid this in the future? -- RED-FACED IN EUGENE, ORE.

DEAR RED-FACED: On a scale of 10, I'd say you are probably an 8 on the "uptight" scale. You seem to have forgotten that the woman in the room with you was not a lap dancer, but a health-care professional performing her duties. Your husband was her patient, and in her eyes, was probably as sexless as a CPR dummy. To avoid embarrassment in the future, leave the room when the nurse enters

[SharonH, RN]

How bizarre. Her problems seems to be that her husband was seen by another woman. Sometimes people can be so silly. I guess she viewed him as her property or something.

This reminds me of the time that I was admitting a patient and as I was assessing his bowel sounds, his wife started picking lint out of his navel and chided him for not being cleaner. She was embarassed for me to see that.

[VeryPlainJane]

Maybe I'm the odd ball here...but what if the woman wasn't his wife...sister, friend, co-worker? When I was in the hosp. after the birth of my child every time they came in to check me they told my husband what they where going to do....I would have been pissed if they would have just pulled the sheet back and went to work...without warning. I find it disrespectful.

[Jolie, BSN]

Maybe I'm the odd ball here...but what if the woman wasn't his wife...sister, friend, co-worker? When I was in the hosp. after the birth of my child every time they came in to check me they told my husband what they where going to do....I would have been pissed if they would have just pulled the sheet back and went to work...without warning. I find it disrespectful.

I couldn't agree more! This nurse's behavior was inappropriate, and the patient and his wife have every reason to question it.

Examining a patient's genitals without warning and in front of another person (regardless of whom that person is) is completely inappropriate. If he had just had genital surgery, the appearance was undoubtedly "altered" by swelling, bruising, sutures, drainage, etc. Not exactly the image one wants his/her spouse to carry. Willingly sharing one's body with a spouse in the privacy of home is a whole lot different than being unwillingly exposed in front of a third party in a hospital room.

How many of the women posters who have defended the nurse's actions would feel the same way if a female patient's episiotomy was exposed to male visitors by a male doctor?

[hospitalstaph]

Maybe I'm the odd ball here...but what if the woman wasn't his wife...sister, friend, co-worker? When I was in the hosp. after the birth of my child every time they came in to check me they told my husband what they where going to do....I would have been pissed if they would have just pulled the sheet back and went to work...without warning. I find it disrespectful.

I see your point but it isn't the husband complaining, it's the wife. And she is not complaining that he may have been uncomfortable, she is complaining that another women saw her husband naked while she was there.

And you are not an oddball! I see exactly what you mean about not flashing a patient to anyone that is in the room. This nurse probably should have mentioned what she was about to do, just incase the wife or patient were uncomfortable with any part of it. Who knows maybe the wife could have been disturbed by the incision or the staples in her husband. It is a bit odd that she mentioned another woman seeing her hubby naked *in her presence*. Does that mean that we can check him out as long as she is not around????:chuckle

Tracy

[grannynurse FNP student]

Maybe I'm the odd ball here...but what if the woman wasn't his wife...sister, friend, co-worker? When I was in the hosp. after the birth of my child every time they came in to check me they told my husband what they where going to do....I would have been pissed if they would have just pulled the sheet back and went to work...without warning. I find it disrespectful.

I have to agree with you. I do not have a problem with a nurse opening my patient gown or exposing part of my anatomy. What I do have a problem with is her/him exposing me to either my own visitor or roommate. I do not consider myself a prude but I also do not consider exposure of any patient's anatomy, to others, a very nice thing to do.

And you are not an odd ball, just someone who is respectful of other's privacy.

Grannynurse:balloons:

[judyblueeyes]

I think the wife is odd.

I guess I've seen over 15,000+ naked people in my career. You pretty much have to have some kind of outstanding feature to get my attention these days!

However, I would never bare a patient with another person in the room without checking with the patient first.

[BabyRN2Be]

I would have warned the pt....I need to check your incision, etc. I'd probably ask the wife/ pt if they would want a look at it too. That should be a cue to the wife.

This is what I probably would have done. Tell the patient "I need to check your incision and a) moved the blankets just enough so I could see the incision and the wife couldn't. Or just say to both of them, "I need to check the incision, would you like to see it? If not, could you please step outside, this will only be a minute."

[weetziebat]

How many of the women posters who have defended the nurse's actions would feel the same way if a female patient's episiotomy was exposed to male visitors by a male doctor?

Personally, I totally agree with Abby. I would have said something like "I need to check your vital signs and take a look at your incision" just to let the patient know what was going to be happening. And, I guess that could be the wife's clue to leave, though I really can't imagine having a nurse check the incision site (wherever it may be) would bother a wife. Did she really think the nurse was doing it to get a thrill?

As far as the male doc checking a female's episiotomy site - if I were in the hospital and a male doctor came in to check my episiotomy, while my husband was present - I would imagine my husband would consider it par for the course. Or, knowing where I had the incision, he would leave the room, assuming the doc would want to check on it, and dh is kind of squeamish about surgical sites. After all an incision needs to be assessed, no? I just think sometimes people forget medical professionals see so many 'private parts' that its like looking at an ankle or elbow to us.

[LydiaNN]

I didn't like Abby calling that woman a name. I would always announce what I was about to do, whether or not someone else was in the room. It may be nothing we haven't seen before, but it is also something that patients aren't used to be exposing all the time, either. I don't think it's very nice to belittle someone's modesty.

[VivaLasViejas, ASN, RN]

My first thought when I read this in our local newspaper was "How rude!" I NEVER expose patients' genitalia unless those areas are necessarily part of my assessment, and even when I have to do so, I always let the patient and/or family know what I'm going to do, before I do it. There are also ways to assess abdominal incisions without exposing the genitals, and any nurse who respects patient privacy will figure out how to do it.

My second thought was that this patient's wife must be super uptight to get upset over seeing her spouse's 'private parts', and in a MEDICAL setting, no less. Of course, it never occurs to the layperson that we nurses see naked people every day---it's not like we go into a room, take a peek and think "wow, I gotta get me some of that!":chuckle I remember pulling the sheet over my head the first time I had a GYN exam.........the doctor had taken care of me since I was ten, and I was mortified:imbar Now that I know how medical people deal with this sort of thing, I'm just as jaded as everyone else---I lost my own modesty a LOOOOONG time ago.

Still, none of that excuses the behavior of that nurse who walked in and yanked her patient's covers off without warning, especially in front of visitors. (How did she know this lady was even the patient's wife?? We've all assumed similar things, and turned out to be wrong.)

[sharann, BSN, RN]

I would guess that he had a repair of an inguinal hernia. I don't believe every single thing a family member says either(like there was no warning before pulling covers off). How many times has a family member recalled something YOU or I did and they totally exaggerated(the nurse didn't come check on my husband ALL night). I also think this woman was probably of a culture where women don't deal with naked men, or she was really just a prude. Who knows? Anyone who has to write to Dear Anybody makes me nervous. My gosh, she acts like she has post traumatic stress disorder! I am not very sympathetic to either the writer or the "expert".

[UM Review RN, ASN, RN]

Maybe he was a fresh postop, flat out from the anesthesia, the wife was in the room, and it was change of shift?

Therefore, he couldn't have complained, since he was asleep, and the nurse would've KNOWN it was the wife.

It's hard to play Monday-morning quarterback, but had the nurse said something like, "I need to assess you now," and THEN thrown the covers back, with the wife still assuming that "assessment" meant "health history" or something similar, I could see where she might be a tad startled.

I wouldn't have called her a prude, but neither would I have simply thrown the covers back without warning. I usually try to keep as much covered as possible too. I didn't think it possible, but some guys really are shy about exposing themselves and deserve to have their dignity and privacy maintained as much as possible.