A Dear Abbey letter. What is your take?

Nurses General Nursing

Published

I would like to hear your opinions regarding this situation from a letter taken from Dear Abbey. Do you agree with Abbey? Or should the nurse have done something differently?

DEAR ABBY: While sitting with my husband in the hospital following his surgery, a nurse entered his room. We all chatted while she took his pulse, etc., when -- without warning -- she removed his covers to check the surgery site and totally exposed his genitals.

I was shocked and embarrassed, and have trouble ridding myself of the image of my naked husband lying there in front of another woman. I wish the nurse had given me the chance to leave the room.

Is there something wrong with me for having so much trouble with this? What can I do to avoid this in the future? -- RED-FACED IN EUGENE, ORE.

DEAR RED-FACED: On a scale of 10, I'd say you are probably an 8 on the "uptight" scale. You seem to have forgotten that the woman in the room with you was not a lap dancer, but a health-care professional performing her duties. Your husband was her patient, and in her eyes, was probably as sexless as a CPR dummy. To avoid embarrassment in the future, leave the room when the nurse enters

The one on one has to stop. Use the IGNORE feature and the report.gif feature to report inappropriate behaviour. The moderators don't like to close threads. It deprives the forums of some of th emost intelligent answers from the greatest people on the earth-Nurses. According to the TOS personal attacks are not allowed. Therefore they will be removed. Remember IGNORE button-it makes it a lot quieter for you and saves your blood pressure.

Thanks.

Oh and it's open again. Remember Debate the topic only. Let the mode do the other work...please?

:bow: :yelclap:

steph:)

Up Vote Up Vote ×

I agree with Abbey.

Up Vote Up Vote ×

This was really funny to me:rotfl: (laugh,laugh, laugh,holler) but as nurses I think it is sometimes really easy for us to forget that people who do not do what we do or see what we see on daily will not understand that looking at genitals is almost like looking at an elbow for us. I'm sure insult was added to this ladies injury by Abbey's comparing her her sexless husband to that of a CPR dummy........none the less this was a hoot.

Ms. M.

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in Critical Care, Pediatrics, Geriatrics.

Glad to see the thread is open again, thanks P_RN!

I guess I feel empathetic towards the nurse because she doesn't have a voice. This is one person's account of an event so it is probably biased. The same would be true had the nurse written in complaining of a pt's family member. It would only be half the story.

I'm pretty sure the DA response was meant to tell the lady that she is overreacting by dwelling on the event and to remind her that this woman who exposed her husbands genitals is a professional and deals with these sort of issues on a daily basis so it is nothing to lose sleep over. The appropriate action for the wife would have been to approach the nurse or charge nurse, and like DA said, in the future she can leave the room.

The letter also did not specify where the incision was at. It did not say it was an abdominal incision, inner thigh, or close proximity to the genitalia. So it is safe to assume that this was perhaps an accident. As much as I try to maintain privacy, sometimes things just fall out.

Even if the wife is completely founded in her claim, which is entirely possible, she isnt struggling with the issue of hubby being treated with a lack of dignity. She is struggling with the image of her husband laying naked in front of another woman. What's done is done, she will have to find her own inner peace. And if it still bothers her then she can file a complaint with the hospital under the pt's bill of rights and let them sort it out.

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in MEDICAL/ONCOLOGY/ WE START TELE IN 5-08.

so I am just a student getting ready to finish my first semester with finals in a week, but one of th efirst things we learn is HIPPA and also privacy. Not sure why the woman was embarassed it was her husband:imbar, but yes I do ask people to leave the room. Also last year when my husband was in, the nurses always asked him or myself if we were comfortable being there while they were performing assessments and such. i guess when you are on the floor for so long some of these things may be forgotten. i am a nursing assistant for the past 5 years, and i always ask family to leave the room, even if i am only ambulating to the restroom. just a privacy thing.

Up Vote Up Vote ×

If my patient's spouse is in the room I do not ask them to leave for ambulation, assessments, etc. If something is going to be "gross" or sensitive, then I would ask, but for benign things I don't. If I ask the patient, they probably won't say that they want their spouse to leave, even if they really do, because they don't want to cause problems with them. Of course, if I start asking spouses to leave, you know I'll have more people mad at me than if I didn't.

Honestly, we need to just use our intuition and good judgement. We're not always right or perfect -- I feel bad for the nurse talked about in the letter. Of course, I don't know the whole story, but I'm sure she didn't expect to offend anyone. I don't think the woman's complaint, as she states it, is valid. She was asking Dear Abby's opinion and Abby gave it -- it's just her opinion that I share.

But, we can all practice now, "I'm going to be doing an assessment of ----, would you like to step out for a moment?"

Up Vote Up Vote ×

Do not ask them to leave. Give them a choice.

If my patient's spouse is in the room I do not ask them to leave for ambulation, assessments, etc. If something is going to be "gross" or sensitive, then I would ask, but for benign things I don't. If I ask the patient, they probably won't say that they want their spouse to leave, even if they really do, because they don't want to cause problems with them. Of course, if I start asking spouses to leave, you know I'll have more people mad at me than if I didn't.

Honestly, we need to just use our intuition and good judgement. We're not always right or perfect -- I feel bad for the nurse talked about in the letter. Of course, I don't know the whole story, but I'm sure she didn't expect to offend anyone. I don't think the woman's complaint, as she states it, is valid. She was asking Dear Abby's opinion and Abby gave it -- it's just her opinion that I share.

But, we can all practice now, "I'm going to be doing an assessment of ----, would you like to step out for a moment?"

Up Vote Up Vote ×
I would have warned the pt....I need to check your incision, etc. I'd probably ask the wife/ pt if they would want a look at it too. That should be a cue to the wife.

I agree with this completely! We are taught during the first semester of nursing school to respect the patient's privacy and to not uncover anything that doesn't need to be uncovered. I feel that the nurse should have explained what she was going to be doing to the woman's husband before she just "ripped the covers off". This would have given ample time for wife to leave the room or at least prepare her for her husband's genitalia being exposed to another woman. (Healthcare professional or not) Maybe there was something with her culture/ethnicity that made her feel uncomfortable with the way this was handled.

Up Vote Up Vote ×

I think Dear Abbey put in print what a lot of people actually think. However, I do believe the RN should have communicated what she was going to do and no expose the patient any more than necessary.

Up Vote Up Vote ×

Prudish?....wife?.....how About Insensitive Nurse?.....wifes Problem Was Seeing Her Husband So Vulnerable In Front Of Another Woman.....i Know The Nurse Was Probably Overworked And Rushed...no Excuse For Not Instructing Both Of The Rationale And Warning Concerning The Need For Checking The Incision Site...patients Dignity And Privacy Are Major Considerations Since Nursing 101...a male nurse perspective....AMBOYDUKE

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Prudish?....wife?.....how About Insensitive Nurse?.....wifes Problem Was Seeing Her Husband So Vulnerable In Front Of Another Woman.....i Know The Nurse Was Probably Overworked And Rushed...no Excuse For Not Instructing Both Of The Rationale And Warning Concerning The Need For Checking The Incision Site...patients Dignity And Privacy Are Major Considerations Since Nursing 101...a male nurse perspective....AMBOYDUKE

You can be my nurse anytime. I'm sure you would respect my privacy and dignity. You remind me of a male nurse who use to take care of of me during my frequent ER visits due to asthma.

Grannynurse:balloons:

Up Vote Up Vote ×

:banghead: you can't win! there is always some nutjob lurking to turn nothing into something. i wonder how often the poor patient has had to hear from his concerned spouse about his encounter with "the other woman"?:deadhorse let it go!

Up Vote Up Vote ×
+ Add a Comment