Funny OB things people say - page 4

I'm sure we all have stories about patients requesting their "epidermal" and the likes of that, let's share some here. Now, while I never encourage laughing at or making fun of patients, this is a... Read More

  1. by   kat7ap
    I went into my patients room to ask how the last feeding went for her baby. The mom was breastfeeding and pumping. I asked the dad how much the baby ate, he said he fed the baby "about 2cc of meconium". I laughed and said, "I sure hope you didn't!" then he said "Oh I mean colostrum! I was just trying to sound smart!" We all had a good laugh at that one!
  2. by   northwoods6pack
    I have one.

    pt comes in c/o contractions. Showing on the monitor every 8-10. Mom is moving around a lot so we are having trouble getting a good tracing on baby. OB comes in and asks pt if she's ruptured her membranes, pt denies.

    Doc decides to put in a scalp monitor. When he does we get a nice trickle of clear fluid which doc swabs and then walks out of the room saying "i'm going to go see if there's any ferning"........

    What?? I just kept my mouth shut and had a good chuckle later.
  3. by   ktrot31
    This is something funny that one of our docs said. She is hysterical and sometimes doesn't think before she speaks. The primary nuse(which wasn't me) but iwas in the room too checked the pt and was kind of confused by the exam. the previous exam was 2/50%, but the nurse couldn't even find the cervix. just as she was checking the pt the doc came in and said let me check her. so she proceeds to check and remember that the pt has a septum in her vagina. so she asks the pt if she know that she has this the pt says yes. the doc then turns to the husband and say and i quote "you are a lucky guy, your wife has 2 vaginas!" needless to say we were all hysterical!!
  4. by   TrudyRN
    Quote from feebebe23
    OH GOSH....I HAVE A MILLION OF THESE.

    The first one that comes to mind is the pt that asked how her baby would breath after the water was broken......same patient called me back in a little while later to say that she thought she heard her baby cry....while still in utero....

    I wish I had a penny for every time the patient asks...."will this hurt the baby?" usually in reference to pain meds or the epidural...

    and to this day I am still amazed how many adult, well educated women don't know they have 2 holes down there....actually 3....for anyone who is confused....
    1. anus
    2. vagina
    3. urethra

    I would guess 20-30% of the average population think they pee/have sex/birth babies/mensturate....all out of the same hole...
    Not to be un-funny, but those who have been castrated do have just one opening for urine and blood.
  5. by   crissrn27
    Quote from TrudyRN
    Not to be un-funny, but those who have been castrated do have just one opening for urine and blood.
    I thought female castration refereed to the removal of the ovaries? I'm confused! :uhoh21:
  6. by   CEG
    Quote from crissrn27
    I thought female castration refereed to the removal of the ovaries? I'm confused! :uhoh21:
    Put me in the confused pile as well- maybe she is referring to female genital mutilation? There is still a seperate urethra and vagina, though. ?????
  7. by   FranEMTnurse
    Quote from ceg
    put me in the confused pile as well- maybe she is referring to female genital mutilation? there is still a seperate urethra and vagina, though. ?????
    my turn. i thought it was the total removal of the clitoris, and has nothing to do with the urethra, the vagina, or the anus. is that correct?
  8. by   Alibaba
    Quote from franemtnurse
    my turn. i thought it was the total removal of the clitoris, and has nothing to do with the urethra, the vagina, or the anus. is that correct?
    in fgm (the ones i have seen) the clitoris is cut off and in some cultures the vagina is sewed off except for a little bitty hole for the blood to come out.

    put me in the confused pile too about the castration thing. how do you accomplish getting pee and blood from the same hole? i saw a documentary a while back on pov where some girls in africa had been raped and had a opening between the vagina and urethra, but all three holes are still there. (if anyone can remember what it's called, please tell us. it's driving me nuts that i can't remember the name of the disorder!)
  9. by   May_baby
    The unfortunate wound (often the result of sexual assault or trauma- including birth) that creates an opening between the bladder/vagina or the vagina/rectum is called a fistula.

    Second, wow! I had never heard of oophorectomy (removal of the ovaries) as castration. But after much research the term is correct (removal of the gonads: testes or ovaries).

    Removal of the clitoris, modification of the labia or vagina, etc. are not defined as castration. Some call it female genital mutilation or female genital cutting, etc.

    I learned three new things in under an minute when I read this post!
    Thanks for helping my brain!
  10. by   mitchsmom
    Quote from feebebe23
    Called pt to tell her that her elective induction at 39.5 weeks has been put on hold.....G3P2

    FOB called back 5 min later very upset stating "you can't do this to us....we have spent hundreds of dollers having things engraved with the baby's birthday in it....and we paid to have her parents fly in just for today....I'm gonna sue the hospital for the cost of all this if you don't induce her today"

    me "and if she would have gone into labor yesterday would you have sued god?"

    HE had no response

    Good one, I'll have to remember it.
  11. by   ldnurse7581
    good comeback!!!!!
  12. by   mgalloLPN
    Quote from RNmama05
    Our patients can't wait to "get my epidoodle cause it gonna hurt when that baby come out my dookie shoot".

    Epidoodle?? That's SOO funny. I have never heard it called a "dookie shoot" before. Wow. That's just plain hilarious.
    Can't wait to become a nurse so I can share stories of my own!!
  13. by   alianeco
    This wasn't my patient, but a patient (who I'm assuming was about to have an ARM) asked another nurse on my unit if the doctor was going to break her bladder. Hehe. I believe the nurse explained the difference to her.

    I certainly hope nobody broke her bladder!

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