Funny OB things people say

Specialties Ob/Gyn

Published

I'm sure we all have stories about patients requesting their "epidermal" and the likes of that, let's share some here. Now, while I never encourage laughing at or making fun of patients, this is a safe place among other nurses where we can find the comic value in some of these comments. I'll actually start us off by sharing a funny story about one of our OB doctors.

I had a patient with intact membranes that was having some very deep variables, she came in and saw the strip and said "Let's go break her water so we can put in an IUPC and amnioinfuse." I think as soon as she said it she wanted to take it back because she realized how stupid it sounded but it sure gave us all a laugh for the day.

Has anyone had a pt bring in a pic of their mucous plug on their cell phone? I've gotten 2 in 4yrs. I about died!! Thank god for cell phones!

We had a patient that was going to bring in her mucous plug but said she couldn't because her cat ATE it!!!!!!!!!

All of the nurses at the desk started laughing and she was totally serious and actually said "it's not funny." But it sooooo was!!!!

Specializes in Labor/Mother/Baby Nursing.

In assessing a labor pt's comfort level during a contraction, asked her if

she can speak during a contraction. She replied " I can say OUCH":lol2:

Specializes in Mother-Baby, Rehab, Hospice, Memory Care.

I went into my patients room to ask how the last feeding went for her baby. The mom was breastfeeding and pumping. I asked the dad how much the baby ate, he said he fed the baby "about 2cc of meconium". I laughed and said, "I sure hope you didn't!" then he said "Oh I mean colostrum! I was just trying to sound smart!" We all had a good laugh at that one!

Specializes in OB, Med/surg, PICU.

I have one.

pt comes in c/o contractions. Showing on the monitor every 8-10. Mom is moving around a lot so we are having trouble getting a good tracing on baby. OB comes in and asks pt if she's ruptured her membranes, pt denies.

Doc decides to put in a scalp monitor. When he does we get a nice trickle of clear fluid which doc swabs and then walks out of the room saying "i'm going to go see if there's any ferning"........

What?? I just kept my mouth shut and had a good chuckle later.

This is something funny that one of our docs said. She is hysterical and sometimes doesn't think before she speaks. The primary nuse(which wasn't me) but iwas in the room too checked the pt and was kind of confused by the exam. the previous exam was 2/50%, but the nurse couldn't even find the cervix. just as she was checking the pt the doc came in and said let me check her. so she proceeds to check and remember that the pt has a septum in her lady parts. so she asks the pt if she know that she has this the pt says yes. the doc then turns to the husband and say and i quote "you are a lucky guy, your wife has 2 lady partss!" needless to say we were all hysterical!!

OH GOSH....I HAVE A MILLION OF THESE.

The first one that comes to mind is the pt that asked how her baby would breath after the water was broken......same patient called me back in a little while later to say that she thought she heard her baby cry....while still in utero....

I wish I had a penny for every time the patient asks...."will this hurt the baby?" usually in reference to pain meds or the epidural...

and to this day I am still amazed how many adult, well educated women don't know they have 2 holes down there....actually 3....for anyone who is confused....

1. orifice

2. lady parts

3. urethra

I would guess 20-30% of the average population think they pee/have sex/birth babies/mensturate....all out of the same hole...

Not to be un-funny, but those who have been castrated do have just one opening for urine and blood.

Specializes in nursery, L and D.
Not to be un-funny, but those who have been castrated do have just one opening for urine and blood.

I thought female castration refereed to the removal of the ovaries? I'm confused! :uhoh21:

I thought female castration refereed to the removal of the ovaries? I'm confused! :uhoh21:

Put me in the confused pile as well- maybe she is referring to female genital mutilation? There is still a seperate urethra and lady parts, though. ?????

Specializes in LTC, CPR instructor, First aid instructor..
put me in the confused pile as well- maybe she is referring to female genital mutilation? there is still a seperate urethra and lady parts, though. ?????
my turn. i thought it was the total removal of the privy parts, and has nothing to do with the urethra, the lady parts, or the orifice. is that correct?:idea:
my turn. i thought it was the total removal of the privy parts, and has nothing to do with the urethra, the lady parts, or the orifice. is that correct?:idea:

in fgm (the ones i have seen) the privy parts is cut off and in some cultures the lady parts is sewed off except for a little bitty hole for the blood to come out.

put me in the confused pile too about the castration thing. how do you accomplish getting pee and blood from the same hole? i saw a documentary a while back on pov where some girls in africa had been raped and had a opening between the lady parts and urethra, but all three holes are still there. (if anyone can remember what it's called, please tell us. it's driving me nuts that i can't remember the name of the disorder!)

The unfortunate wound (often the result of sexual assault or trauma- including birth) that creates an opening between the bladder/lady parts or the lady parts/rectum is called a fistula.

Second, wow! I had never heard of oophorectomy (removal of the ovaries) as castration. But after much research the term is correct (removal of the gonads: testes or ovaries).

Removal of the privy parts, modification of the labia or lady parts, etc. are not defined as castration. Some call it female genital mutilation or female genital cutting, etc.

I learned three new things in under an minute when I read this post!

Thanks for helping my brain!

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