Funny OB things people say

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I'm sure we all have stories about patients requesting their "epidermal" and the likes of that, let's share some here. Now, while I never encourage laughing at or making fun of patients, this is a safe place among other nurses where we can find the comic value in some of these comments. I'll actually start us off by sharing a funny story about one of our OB doctors.

I had a patient with intact membranes that was having some very deep variables, she came in and saw the strip and said "Let's go break her water so we can put in an IUPC and amnioinfuse." I think as soon as she said it she wanted to take it back because she realized how stupid it sounded but it sure gave us all a laugh for the day.

Specializes in L&D.

Ok, I'll just stick with this past week to keep it short:

We had a pt come up to the counter to be "triaged" and when asked what was wrong, she said, "my naval is ripping and it hurts" Well, she was pretty far along in her pg...maybe she was getting stretch marks? No, she said, "My naval is ripping"--we found no evidence of such upon examination.

Another pt comes in and says, "Every time I cough, I boo boo" Yes, with the B. I didn't quite know what she meant for a minute. Then, I realized she had gastroenteritis.

Today I had a pt who was 6-8 weeks, and was complaining of decreased fetal movement for the past 2-3 hours. I tried to explain (with my very bad spanish) that it is IMPOSSIBLE to feel movement at that stage. Well, then the FOB says, "No, I see and feel it when I go to work in the mornings. It's like 'boom boom' (punching the air)". Long story short, they had to go back to the ER (we can only treat if they are >20 weeks). What else could I do but giggle as I walked down the hall?

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Specializes in L&D.

Some patients pass blood clogs (clots) or tell you they're going to fall out (faint). I once had a patient come in with the complaint "My little man in the boat hurts." It was the first time I'd encountered that term used for privy parts. In the olden days when we used to do X ray pelvimetry, the dads would be excited and want to know if the baby was a boy or girl (this was before ultrasound). I had to explain that as that organ had no bones, it wouldn't show up on an X ray.

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Specializes in General.

Patient called to say "I lost my plug in the bathtub water when I got out", I could not resist, I asked her if she meant she lost her bathtub water plug, she paused and said "no the water didn't come out, just my plug, its floatin", I honestly peed a little. Also, had a patient just last week tell me that her "sonameter" said her baby was "breeched" last week. Oh Lord, you just know its going to be a long shift!!!:trout:

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Specializes in L&D.

Patient just yesterday came in and on the triage paper wrote "pain in my viginil bumps"--mispellings and all. I don't know what "viginal bumps" are, but I am certainly glad I was not up for next admission!

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Specializes in OB, critical care, hospice, farm/industr.
I had one gal who called jaundice "bilijaun". I guess she was just saving time by combining the two words! I thought it was cute.

How soon until someone names their child "Bilijuan"?

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Specializes in L&D.
Patient called to say "I lost my plug in the bathtub water when I got out",QUOTE]

One night when we had way too much time on our hands, one of the nurses mixed some ketchup with KY, put in a urine cup and labeled it, "Mucus plug for patients who come in complaining that they've lost theirs."

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Specializes in LTC, CPR instructor, First aid instructor..
me "and if she would have gone into labor yesterday would you have sued god?"

HE had no response

:rotfl:Love it!!!!!
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Specializes in nursery, L and D.

Had a doc once that called vernix "angel cream"

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In the video of my daughter's birth, you see and hear her screaming just after she's born and in the background you hear my midwife and the nurse laughing about how the midwife got covered in "baby juice." Always makes me smile.

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Specializes in labor & delivery.

We get lots of pts coming in for their "inducement"!! :)

But a really good one I have is a direct quote, "Ummm... I was, like, standing in the kitchen, and, ummm, like, I think my mucous plug broke! I was, like, just standing there, and like it starting running down my leg, and like, part of it was just like stuck to my leg!"

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Specializes in LTC, Med/Surg, OR, OB, instructor.

I've also got a million!

Recently, though a delivery (really sweet couple) cracked me up!!!

The dad went over to the warmer, gushing about how cute the baby was. "Oh, he has my nose, he has your long fingers", pretty common stuff, and then he looked at baby's backside (34 weeks, lanugo was thinning, and you could see some dark hair here and there), "He even has hair on his butt like I do!" I lost it!!!!

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Once, as a student, we went for community duty in a remote town in the Philippines. One day our host family was mad at their son, who was in high school, because he was asking for money to replace a fallopian tube that he broke in school (fallopian tube = test tube)...lol!

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