Funny OB things people say

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I'm sure we all have stories about patients requesting their "epidermal" and the likes of that, let's share some here. Now, while I never encourage laughing at or making fun of patients, this is a safe place among other nurses where we can find the comic value in some of these comments. I'll actually start us off by sharing a funny story about one of our OB doctors.

I had a patient with intact membranes that was having some very deep variables, she came in and saw the strip and said "Let's go break her water so we can put in an IUPC and amnioinfuse." I think as soon as she said it she wanted to take it back because she realized how stupid it sounded but it sure gave us all a laugh for the day.

Specializes in OB, lactation.
Called pt to tell her that her elective induction at 39.5 weeks has been put on hold.....G3P2

FOB called back 5 min later very upset stating "you can't do this to us....we have spent hundreds of dollers having things engraved with the baby's birthday in it....and we paid to have her parents fly in just for today....I'm gonna sue the hospital for the cost of all this if you don't induce her today"

me "and if she would have gone into labor yesterday would you have sued god?"

HE had no response

Good one, I'll have to remember it. :)

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good comeback!!!!!

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Our patients can't wait to "get my epidoodle cause it gonna hurt when that baby come out my dookie shoot".

Epidoodle?? That's SOO funny. I have never heard it called a "dookie shoot" before. Wow. That's just plain hilarious.

Can't wait to become a nurse so I can share stories of my own!!:lol2:

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Specializes in Labor and Delivery & ICU.

This wasn't my patient, but a patient (who I'm assuming was about to have an ARM) asked another nurse on my unit if the doctor was going to break her bladder. Hehe. I believe the nurse explained the difference to her.

I certainly hope nobody broke her bladder!

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Specializes in Start in L&D Jan '08.
Our patients can't wait to "get my epidoodle cause it gonna hurt when that baby come out my dookie shoot".

I had a teenager ask me if the baby would come out of her "butthole" b/c that was how she got pregnant (anal sex).

~J

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I had a teenager ask me if the baby would come out of her "butthole" b/c that was how she got pregnant (anal sex).

~J

Again, wow.:rotfl:

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Specializes in LTC, CPR instructor, First aid instructor..
I had a teenager ask me if the baby would come out of her "butthole" b/c that was how she got pregnant (anal sex).

~J

Again, wow.:rotfl:

4_12_12.gifHmmm, I've been around 64 years and I didn't know that. Guess ya can learn something new no matter how old you get. Anyway, I wonder if she had a fistula, and got preggy that way.:idea:

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On my 21st birthday (many, many moons ago....) I was working on the postpartum unit, and imagine my surprise when I received flowers delivered to me at work from my mom for my birthday......addressed to me at the "Post-Mortem Unit"!!!

I wonder how the patients would have felt knowing they were on a "Post-Mortem Unit"..........

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Specializes in LTC, CPR instructor, First aid instructor..
On my 21st birthday (many, many moons ago....) I was working on the postpartum unit, and imagine my surprise when I received flowers delivered to me at work from my mom for my birthday......addressed to me at the "Post-Mortem Unit"!!!

I wonder how the patients would have felt knowing they were on a "Post-Mortem Unit"..........

:lol2::lol2::lol2:I'll bet some of them would have freaked out.
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yes, you're right. the reason for the removal of the privy parts is to decrease sexual pleasure-so the girl/woman does not fool around. you still have a urethea.

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Specializes in ER, Staff, Supervisor, Home health, OB.

I have heard about 100 names for the lady parts from various patients. Here are the ones I can think of off the top of my head:

Kitty cat, Kit cat, Kitty, C-A-T, who-who, Peekachu, girlfriend, nu-nu, tootie, ho-ho, snatch, toot-toot, coochie, bagina, and of course the "p" word.

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hmm ok

Gyn-ie-butt ie "are you gunna have to check in my Gyn-ie-butt?"

pateint comes in (very scared) "my baby is having seizures!" - place her on the monitor and hear hic-ups

"Is there going to be room for the baby to come out?" - in refernace to a foley beign placed

"can you lace my dughters Iv with potasium?" umm sure, she getting on your nerves?

"did you ask the doctor abotu that?" - when explainign why pitocin is beign started "I sure would but he is 20 miles away and sleeping"

Guy come to the desk (very disturbed look on his face) "yes my wife and I are suposed to meet out doctor here. but now there is soem old lady in there checkign my wifes cervix" - " oh you mean your nurse?"

"can you tie my tubes for me?" "sure ill have the doctor talk to you about it" "no can you just do it?" "no thats surgery and you need a doctor for surgery" "no cant you just stick your fingers up there and do it?" (deep breath and pushed back a laugh) "no it has to be done in an operating room and they do it threw your belly" "oh , well my brother in law did it for me last time but they came untied. thats why i got pregnent" - yeah I wasnt gunna ask about that.

once had a pateints mom (after her delivery) try to sit me up with her twin sister "she look just like her, dont you think she is a beautaful girl?" I somehow managed to play it off without running away screaming I mean , she was a beutaful girl but I wasnt going to say that after just staring at her lady parts for 2 hours and it didnt seem right to say eeeww no she is'nt my type.

lady partsl-bypass lol love that one

I love the mothers of pateints who come in and tell the most incredable stories of 3 week labors and c/s without anathesia dry birt - i just say "wow that must have been awful" those stories are important for them even if they are not real

cant think of anymore atm darn sleeping pill

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