Funny OB things people say

Specialties Ob/Gyn

Published

I'm sure we all have stories about patients requesting their "epidermal" and the likes of that, let's share some here. Now, while I never encourage laughing at or making fun of patients, this is a safe place among other nurses where we can find the comic value in some of these comments. I'll actually start us off by sharing a funny story about one of our OB doctors.

I had a patient with intact membranes that was having some very deep variables, she came in and saw the strip and said "Let's go break her water so we can put in an IUPC and amnioinfuse." I think as soon as she said it she wanted to take it back because she realized how stupid it sounded but it sure gave us all a laugh for the day.

Another nurses' pt noted, after a non-epidural delivery, that "my monkey (lady partsl area) ain't never hurt like that!!!"

Pt in active labor having variable decels after AROM and FSE placement , pt's SO stated "open your legs and let the baby breathe!!!"

Pt comes in for induction and stated she's "here to be castrated."

Antepartal pt notes that she has been doing her "fecal movement counts."

And, of course, the cocaine addict who asks if an epidural will "hurt my baby.":chuckle

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Specializes in L&D, OR, Med/Surg.

I always ask my patients if they have any special requests (like does dad want to cut the cord, etc). The day before yesterday I had a patients husband say "we just don't want you to use your triceps". I looked at the patient and looked at her husband and said excuse me? I was clueless, so then he said "we have read a lot of bad things about triceps, you know those things the doctor uses to pull the baby out."

Duh...he meant forceps! :rolleyes:

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Specializes in L & D nurse!.

I work in L&D and I had a 19 yo pt say the following when the doctor walked up to her bed to do a SVE (Sterile lady partsl Exam). She looked at me and asked "what is he going to do?" I said "he is going to examine you". She said "ooohhh, but his fingers are sooo big".

I almost died! I had to turn away to laugh silently. I was thinking to myself "What was in there in the first place to get you pregnant?". hahahahahaha :chuckle

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Specializes in L & D nurse!.

I was in the L&D Triage the other day. I asked the pt what brought her there. She said " I have VIOLENT hiccups every 2 minutes". I don't know how I didn't laugh in her face. :chuckle :D :rolleyes:

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We had a couple that delivered a few days ago; when the nurse put the hat on the dad immediately pulled it up so it wasn't covering baby's ears. She adjusted it again to cover the ears. He very innocently said "don't cover up his ears like that he can't breathe!" To think of this guy raising a baby.....

In a different delivery I was in the pt wanted to see her progress pushing in the mirror. When I wheeled the mirror in she says "wow! that's an ugly crotch!" i laughed and said "they all are, that's why they're not in a place for everyone to see" Her family then started adding in...."could you imagine if it was like on the side of your face"....."or on your forearm" (as she extends her hand and says 'nice to meet you'..... We were laughing so hard I was crying as the baby is crowning.

Times like this keep me going....

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Specializes in Interventional Radiology.

I am a cardiac nurse, but we had a rather large young lady - (probably 25?) came in with "chest pain"- imagine when they figured out she was in labor- the best part was- that when they were examining her- which i haven't seen in quite a while- so i decide to take a look see- she had a tattoo of a skittles that went over her pubic area that read---get this

"TASTE THE RAINBOW" above it!!

heehee- had to laugh

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I think I heard my best/dumbest one yet the other night. A laboring pt's sig other says "too bad you couldn't be like my aunt, she had my cousin an hour after she went into labor." No bid deal I thought until he added "but he came out really fast because he had a cleft palate, that helped" I had to pick my jaw up off the floor then turn around so I wouldn't laugh. Some people shouldn't be allowed to have kids lol.

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I worked with a medical assistant - I think she was in her 40s--that said she had her c-section without any meds or anesthesia. She said they tried it but it didn't work so they just did it anyway because they didn't have time to try anything else. She said that's how it was with her first baby and then with the second they didn't even bother trying because she said it didn't work anyway.:confused:

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Specializes in Labor and Delivery.

I have been in L&D for most of my adult life but the best story I have is one in which I was assisting in the delivery of a very preterm baby. The mother was delivering without anesthesia and was only 24 weeks. We did the delivery in a OR so the NICU team complete with Neonatologist would have a warm well lighted environment. So we had on mask (which turned out to be a good thing). After the mother was prepped the doctor cut an epis to facilitate the quick and easy delivery. The baby was now on the warmer and being attended to and the Dad was standing near the doctor who was repairing the epis. The Dad says in a hush tone, "Put in a couple of extra stitches for me Doc." With no hesitation the female middle aged OB looks up from her stool and says, "Sure thing pencil dick" and continues her suturing. I swear I nearly made a puddle in the OR floor. Needless to say the Dad did not feel the need to make any other comments.:chuckle

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Specializes in many.

oooh, oooh, oooh...

Now don't tell me what this mother of the patient had been doing lately.

Pt has delivered and we are running Oxytocin 20 units in 1L via pump at 125ml/hr until the liter left from induction is gone.

Ok, so mom of pt wants to know why we are giving her daughter OXYCONTIN in her IV.

"Um, we're not"

"Yes you are, it says it right there on the bag!":eek:

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A surrogate mother had just delivered a baby boy for the new parents. The "mother of the baby" called up to check on the surrogate's condition. Unable to release that information, she just had one question of concern - "were they able to repair the ruptured membrane?" I thought we were all going to rupture something because we were laughing so hard on that one..... still makes me smile, even weeks later. :chuckle

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Specializes in OB/GYN & Med/Surg.

while i was a cna still, one of my pts came up to the nurse's station. she had a failed induction 2 days in a row, and was going to have a c-section the next day. anyways, she comes up & tells her primary nurse, "my baby's up-side-down." "what do you mean?" her nurse states. "well, the head is down here" (she points toward her pelvic area) "and the butt's up here" (pointing toward the top of her abd). we waited till she was out of ear-shot to start laughing. :chuckle

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