"Babywise!" Help! Friend swears by it. - page 2

One of my friends just gave birth to her first son. She is a staunch believer in the 'Babywise' method and has all of the books. She said when she was in the hospital and the nurses saw she was... Read More

  1. by   Figaro's Mom
    Thank you all so much for your great responses! I just love Allnurses.com. :-) Much respect to you all!!!
  2. by   shay
    Originally posted by cheerfuldoer
    something emotionally doesn't add up with her, or any woman who doesn't bond with her child in a way that offers the baby safety and love by holding them, feeding them when they are hungry, or otherwise.
    First off, DOH! I knew I'd step on some toes w/my granny comment. No offense meant, Renee....and Nancy....and all the other grannies who 'spoil' their grandkids w/love. You'd be surprised, though, by how many times I have heard that said in my neck of the woods. The grandmother is usually the first one to say it, too. I cannot wrap my brain around that, b/c like you stated, Renee, you have to wrestle most babies AWAY from grannies. But I have heard that said SOOOOOOOO much down here. 'Stop holding that baby so much!! You're going to spoil him/her!!'

    Second, you'd also be surprised how many moms let their kids hang out in the nsy all day and night and act p.o.'ed when their baby is hungry and they have to feed it. And I don't just mean fresh-from-birth hormonally-charged crabby postpartum women in the hospital, either. It is so common where I live to see moms yell 'shut up!' to a crying baby/toddler.

    Anyhoo, grannie Renee, I didn't mean to offend ya....I know you're a professional spoiler.... :kiss
  3. by   SmilingBluEyes
    I STILL hold my 3 year old in my lap anytime she wants it. She will come over and say "hold me like baby, mommy". I believe this time is SO VERY SHORT in our lives, when they want mommie or daddy to hold and cuddle them. They often sleep in our room w/us on their sleeping bags on the floor.....I love this togetherness. We are together nearly all the time. As a military family, we are all each other has oftentimes while friends come and go and family live 2000 miles away from us.

    In any case, I don't think it is too much to ask to be very closely attached when they are growing up. Too soon, they will leave the nest and be on their own. I want to look back and be able to say I was close to them and was THERE for them when they needed me most. Heck, even my 10 year old will occasionally jump in the couch next to me, looking for "mom time" even tho he would not admit it. I am glad for this time. I treasure it. Cause one day, they won't be here to cuddle.

    I think Ezzo must be a fruitcake. Really. It goes against my every instinct as a mom and also as a maternity nurse. I would never teach my patients this....nor practice it myself. where do these people come from?
  4. by   Enright
    I think books like Babywise are an outgrowth of a pendulum swing of childrearing. We Boomers were raised by the clock and schedule. Over 90% of us were toilet trained by 24 months. Look around now...I routinely see 4 and 5 year olds in diapers. My own niece and nephew were 4 and in full time diapers...I asked my BIL and SIL why and they told me "oh, we were told to let them train themselves". Well, that never happened. When they went to enroll the kids for kindergarten, they were told the kids would need to be toilet trained. In one 48 hour period, both kids finally got the attention and focus from their parents in order to accomplish toilet training.

    I think Ezzo is tapping into the feeling some parents and grandparents have for order in their lives. I don't agree with him but I think it is a sign of desperation that people latch on to books like his.
  5. by   kimtab
    Everything I have read about Babywise labels it as insensitive if not downright dangerous.

    Newborn babies are true creatures of nature. They have not learned to manipulate other human beings for fun and profit yet- if they are crying, it is because they have an actual warranted need for food, attention, love, whatever and it is the parent's job to find out what that need is and fill it.

    Babies don't get the whole schedule thing. Life is very simple for them, right? "If I cry, someone will come". Ask your friend if she wants her baby to be the only one coming to the conclusion "if I cry, no one will come"

    And after a couple of weeks you're able to function on a mere fraction of the sleep you used to get anyway!

    Kim
  6. by   Lausana
    originally posted by kimtab
    newborn babies are true creatures of nature. they have not learned to manipulate other human beings for fun and profit yet- if they are crying, it is because they have an actual warranted need for food, attention, love, whatever and it is the parent's job to find out what that need is and fill it.
    exactly kim! it isn't as if they can communicate any other way
  7. by   Figaro's Mom
    Well y'all, for those of you out there who are nurse educators and have never heard of 'Babywise,' it may be in your best interest to familiarize yourself with the controversy so you can teach your patients the best way to go (and what to avoid like the plague). I have learned that unfortunately the 'Babywise' books DO NOT STOP with newborns, but there is a whole series now that goes clear up to teens.:stone And yes, my friend has bought ALL OF THEM. Forewarned is forearmed. (Check the books out though, don't buy them, because this Ezzo character apparently doesn't have any....he's in trouble for embezzlement as well I guess I can't blame my friend's L&D nurses for commenting about her reading material....they were looking out for the best interest of her baby. Thank God they were!
  8. by   ADN 2002
    Thanks, guys, for posting this topic -- I've never heard of this method of parenting, and this knowledge will definitely come in handy if I ever get a patient (heaven forbid) that wants to use this absurd method!!
  9. by   live4today
    originally posted by shay


    first off, doh! i knew i'd step on some toes w/my granny comment. no offense meant, renee....and nancy....and all the other grannies who 'spoil' their grandkids w/love. you'd be surprised, though, by how many times i have heard that said in my neck of the woods. the grandmother is usually the first one to say it, too. i cannot wrap my brain around that, b/c like you stated, renee, you have to wrestle most babies away from grannies. but i have heard that said soooooooo much down here. 'stop holding that baby so much!! you're going to spoil him/her!!'

    second, you'd also be surprised how many moms let their kids hang out in the nsy all day and night and act p.o.'ed when their baby is hungry and they have to feed it. and i don't just mean fresh-from-birth hormonally-charged crabby postpartum women in the hospital, either. it is so common where i live to see moms yell 'shut up!' to a crying baby/toddler.

    anyhoo, grannie renee, i didn't mean to offend ya....i know you're a professional spoiler.... :kiss
    you are alright in my world, shay! :kiss when i was growing up, i did hear some adults....not just grandmothers though.......tell other mothers not to "spoil" their babies by holding them too much, etc. i thought it was absurd then, and still think so now. i'd love to get a copy of that book just to burn it for celebration sake. :chuckle what a dense that man is. i wonder what kind of parenting he grew up with? if he has children, does he utilize his own methods? wouldn't we love to be a fly on the wall of his home? nighty night siblings! sweet dreams! :kiss
  10. by   Gator,SN
    I can't believe what I am reading here!

    I have never heard of this method of raising a child or taking care of one. I am a mother and I am guilty of picking my babies up EVERY time they cried. They did not cry more, they became quiet almost instantly (most of the time) and I don't think that you can "discipline" a child who is 9 months old, so I must say it makes me sick to think that their is anyone out there reading material that tells them (with any authority) to spank a small child! That is abuse IMHO!!!!!!!
    All I can think of at this moment is Erikson......."trust vs mistrust" and wandering what kind of self esteem a child would have if their needs are not met with love and comfort and quickly that first year.
    I find it completely disgusting that someone would hide behind a biblical smoke screen and mislead parents. Even when Jesus was tired, he said "let the little children come unto me"

    jeez!
  11. by   mark_LD_RN
    that method needs to be banned, how ridiculous to let a baby cry, scheduled feedings , this is all pretty ridiculous to me. you can not spoil them with love!
  12. by   AlaskaKat
    QUOTE]Originally posted by Figaro's Mom

    Thank you Shay....thank you, thank you, thank you. I will try to be diplomatic about it since she's such a good friend and all....
    I fear she won't really listen to me since I don't have kids. ("What do YOU know, you don't have kids!" Which is of course why I'm here asking y'all's advice!) Wish I could get the book away from her, she's a state away. *sigh* If anyone can recommend any alternative books for her, I'd appreciate it.
    [/QUOTE]

    My all time favorite baby book is Dr Sears "The baby book"
    http://www.askdrsears.com/drsearsbooks.asp

    I couldn't agree more with everybody here, there is no possible way to spoil a baby, pick her up, love her, give her what she needs. This is so basic to raising happy and healthy kids. Good luck trying to talk to you good friend. Hopefully she will hear her baby crying for her and go with her gut and not with this bad advice.
  13. by   SmilingBluEyes
    I personally don't believe in following any "guru's" on any subject. I read MANY MANY books, watch many educational shows and incorporate what works for my kids and us. Because each is an individual and what works for one child very well may NOT for the next. I try to let my kids, instincts and common sense guide me. Do I make mistakes? yep! Do I learn? All the time! but hey, it's a lifelong process and no one is perfect, and I tell my KIDS this all the time! You got to do what works for your kids and you!

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