Figaro's Mom

Ah no, I have scheduling on the brain :) I found the Dr. Sears title I was looking for.

Ah, Holly, oh yeah, about the breastfeeding...sorry I was screwed up. Here is what one of the critiques said regarding 'Baby Whisperer': "I also question her suggestion to express milk BEFORE feeding the baby and using this expressed milk for a bottle feed later in the day. The milk expressed at the beginning would be foremilk. This store of milk, without the balancing effect of the later hind milk, would cause gas in poor, unsuspecting infants." Someone else also said: "My biggest complaint is the chapter on breastfeeding. It was terrible, really! Some of her information is just crazy. For example, she says you must drink SIXTEEN GLASSES of water a day. She also says you must wipe your nipples with a cloth after nursing to prevent bacteria from growing. However, women have glands around their nipples which secrete an antibacterial substance, so this is completely unnecessary. I would recommend anyone skip the entire chapter and read a separate book on breastfeeding. I suggest So That's What They're For by Janet Tamaro, as it is written in a similar tone." I will take a look at "Nighttime Parenting: How to Get Your Baby and Child to Sleep (LA Leche League International Book)" by Dr. Sears and see what's up with that. I've heard nothing but good things about him. If my friend is still bent on 'scheduling' then perhaps I'll suggest 'Baby Whisperer' to her.

Didn't Dr. Sears put out a book about sleep patterns for baby?

Hi Holly! Welcome to allnurses.com. (Sounds weird coming from someone who isn't a nurse!) You sound like you were flexible enough and level-headed enough to modify the Babywise technique somewhat. My fear is with people who cannot be flexible....:stone You know the type. My husband also acknowledged that for people who are learning the Babywise technique through workshops, perhaps some concern could/should be laid at the feet of the instructors. Who knows. There are lots of people who will acknowledge that Babywise HAS worked for them....but I guess concerns outweigh successes. Something is up if this guy's publisher drops him out of fear of liability. I have taken the advice of looking into 'Secrets of the Baby Whisperer' and it looks like it isn't nearly as stringent as Babywise COULD be, but still advocates 'schedules.' One thing I noticed in the reviews for 'Baby Whisperer' is that the author was advocating single breast feeding (not alternating), which I understand to be just plain wrong. I am learning so much! :)

Well y'all, for those of you out there who are nurse educators and have never heard of 'Babywise,' it may be in your best interest to familiarize yourself with the controversy so you can teach your patients the best way to go (and what to avoid like the plague). I have learned that unfortunately the 'Babywise' books DO NOT STOP with newborns, but there is a whole series now that goes clear up to teens.:stone And yes, my friend has bought ALL OF THEM. Forewarned is forearmed. (Check the books out though, don't buy them, because this Ezzo character apparently doesn't have any....he's in trouble for embezzlement as well I guess I can't blame my friend's L&D nurses for commenting about her reading material....they were looking out for the best interest of her baby. Thank God they were!

Thank you all so much for your great responses! I just love Allnurses.com. :-) Much respect to you all!!!

"As for that wacko who wrote that dumb book, it should be banned from the bookshelves, the internet bookorder sites, and the law needs to step in for the sake of those poor infants and children who are being ABUSED by his dumb teachings. He may CALL himself a Christian, but that does NOT make him a true Christian. Many people go around calling themselves "doing things in the Name of our Lord," but it is up to us to pray for discernment so we won't be dragged into such nonsense." I figure if Dr. Dobson won't touch this thing with a 10 foot pole Renee, then something is definitely up. Says Dr. James Dobson: "I am familiar with it, and we get asked that question so often that we (Focus on the Family) have a statement that we'd be glad to provide for you that will tell you what our concerns are about it. I've never attacked it, but I don't endorse it. I don't feel real good about it. To start with, I'm concerned with the title of the program, which implies that there's only one way to deal with all the myriad of circumstances that come up in the realm of child rearing. You know, there's interpretation of God's way; otherwise we'd all see everything exactly the same, and we don't. So it's a little dogmatic in that regard. And secondly, there is a rigidity to it that worries me about young children. Children differ tremendously in temperament, as you know. They come into the world differently. And some of them are easy to raise and some of them are tougher than nails. And you try to take one of those ADD kids or one of those very aggressive youngsters and try to put them in a box like they recommend, and I think you can create some problems. So I'm not out campaigning against the Ezzos; I'm just not their greatest fan." "Any parent who uses that minister's teachings to raise their child are obviously suffering from a deranged childhood themselves where they don't know what is right or what is wrong when it comes to child rearing." Deranged, or perhaps just naive and lacking in the discernment you mentioned, Renee? Like I said, it's her first, and I know her mom to be a good woman (single parent household)....I wouldn't be surprised if her mom was concerned about her taking on this technique. While my friend was pregnant, she read lots of books; why she settled on this one is beyond me. She even said to me, "When you are doing research on the internet, don't be swayed by all the negative comments made about the Babywise technique. Lots of people don't like or approve of it." Well gee, if THAT many people are against it, Christian AND secular, I would HOPE it would make me think twice....*shrug* So many people can't all be wrong!

Thank you Shay....thank you, thank you, thank you. I will try to be diplomatic about it since she's such a good friend and all.... I fear she won't really listen to me since I don't have kids. ("What do YOU know, you don't have kids!" Which is of course why I'm here asking y'all's advice!) Wish I could get the book away from her, she's a state away. *sigh* If anyone can recommend any alternative books for her, I'd appreciate it.

I think that since this is her first born she's afraid of coddling him and has fears of his being spoiled or a discipline problem later on. (?) She also said that as soon as she has healed up and the Dr says it's ok, she's going to begin working on kid #2 right away. So this REALLY concerns me.

This guy named Gary Ezzo wrote a book called "On Being Babywise" (and has since written several books covering toddlers to teens) and from what I understand one of his teachings is to NOT feed a baby when it is crying, but to feed it on a schedule that THE PARENT deems correct, in order to instil discipline into the child at an early age and show the kid who is in charge. Just let the kid cry and he'll eventually stop is his rationale. Allegedly he is a proponent of other things too, like spanking at a VERY early age (like around 6-8 months to 2 years old), and sending a child to his room if he's sucking his thumb (at an appropriate age). My friend said something about not letting the toddler child out of his room if he insists on sucking his thumb. (!) Here is part of an article I found from Ladies Home Journal discussing this controversial method. Babies in Danger?(controversial child rearing) Author/s: Jenny Deam Issue: April, 1999 These two families followed a popular but controversial child-rearing program. One says their children thrived; the other says their baby's health suffered. Does this parenting method go too far? Jennifer Kambas didn't know what to do. Her newborn daughter, Elizabeth, wouldn't stop crying. Kambas, thirty-six, longed to comfort her, but in the parenting class she and her husband had taken, they had been warned that picking up the baby every time she cried would only encourage her to cry more. The Kambases were well-educated professionals, but when it came to babies, they were lost. Their friends and their faith pointed them to one man: Gary Ezzo, a conservative Christian minister who has created a controversial child-rearing plan designed to mold infants into well-behaved, respectful children. His program has become increasingly popular--almost two million parents across the country have now tried it. When Kambas became pregnant, she and her husband took one of Ezzo's "Preparation for Parenting" classes near their home in Laguna Beach, California. A cornerstone of the minister's teachings is that new parents must instill order in their homes to stave off exhaustion. Kambas liked Ezzo's idea of feeding her baby every two and a half to three hours--rather than on demand, as other experts advised--so that the infant would sleep through the night by eight weeks. But when Kambas mentioned the program in her Lamaze class, the instructor advised her not to follow the Ezzo schedule. There had been problems, she said, of babies not gaining enough weight, or failing to thrive from not being fed often enough. After Elizabeth was born, three pediatric nurses at the hospital also told her to feed the baby on demand. "I ignored them all," Kambas admits. "The woman who taught our [Ezzo parenting] class said, `They're going to tell you in the hospital to feed the baby when the baby is hungry.... Just smile at them.'" But once Elizabeth came home, "She would cry and cry, but we wouldn't feed her because it wasn't time," Kambas says. "I called the person who taught the class. She said [Elizabeth] was probably just getting used to her schedule." "We were so stupid," Kambas says. "But I really believed that this program was the most biblically based." When Elizabeth was five weeks old, she cried so long and hard one night that Kambas became frightened and rushed her to an all-night clinic. The doctor there weighed the baby and discovered that she had gained less than a pound and a half since birth. (Typically, a baby has gained more than two pounds by this time.) The doctor turned to Kambas and asked, "What's going on here?" She broke down and told the clinic staff about the feeding schedule she had Elizabeth on. The doctor was adamant: Kambas had to start feeding Elizabeth more often. That night, she began to feed Elizabeth on demand. In seventeen days, the baby gained nearly five pounds. Looking back, Kambas is tormented by the thought of what she did to her baby. "[she] was so little," Kambas says. "We were starving her." This guy has twisted the scripture where Jesus wonders why his Father has forsaken him on the cross....and has used that as reason for denying a crying baby a breast. I figured if my friend's nurses knew enough to warn her to avoid the book at the hospital, there would be nurses here familliar with this. I would hate to see my friend struggle with her breast feeding because she isn't feeding her child enough BUT she swears by this stuff.

One of my friends just gave birth to her first son. She is a staunch believer in the 'Babywise' method and has all of the books. She said when she was in the hospital and the nurses saw she was reading this book (On Becoming Babywise), they told her they didn't agree with the premise and teachings of the book. She was sort of offended since she said she didn't ask for their opinion, but it hasn't swayed her from implementing the 'Babywise' teachings. If any of you nurses out there have experience with the teachings of this book, please share your wisdom as to why this is a horrible book. I have done a Google search on this and just about every single website devoted to the 'Babywise' method (Christian and secular) has been negative, even though my friend has said she has been successful at getting her son to 'sleep through the night.' Help! Thanks.

"Don't rely on anyone but you to take care of you. Men die and salaries decline, but if you learn to rely on yourself first you know you will always be okay no matter what." That's GREAT advice, no matter what profession you choose. I married a 'Dr.,' not an M.D. but a Ph.D., and I knew him (and loved him) way before he was ever a Ph.D. We were friends about 4 or 5 years first. Knowing that his parents raised him right (he's also a P.K., a 'preacher's kid') and that he is a good man with character, high morals and standards....and that he LOVES me....that means more to me than his doctorate. (Academia has their share of Ph.D.s who expect to be worshipped as well....especially by pretty young co-eds.) 19 is young. You have so much time. My friends used to tell me that 'Mr. Right' always seemed to show up when you were least looking for him, and least expecting him. I never believed them, but you know what, they were RIGHT. Good luck to you.

Here are two sites you may want to check out: http://www.successunlimited.co.uk/bully/nurses.htm http://www.nurseadvocate.org/hv.html

"I'm saddened to see some people are still "sick" to death about any topic that has any hint of "race" to it...just because you've never had to face racism doesn't means that it doesn't exist..." Huh? Are you implying that because people are sick of talking about it, that they've never had to confront or deal with it? If I remember correctly, Rusty (for example) is a minority (as am I), has probably had to deal with it sometime in his life (as have I), and is probably sick of dealing with it when there are MANY MORE pressing matters nurses have to deal with (as am I!). It looks like a good number of the ones most "sick" of talking about it (on this thread anyway) are the ones who would be most directly affected by it (the minorities). I don't see that as sticking your head in the sand; I see it as beating a dead horse when folks would like to move on to more pressing things. It sounds to me like the woman who originally made this comment feels threatened, which makes no sense to me. I would think in the midst of a nursing shortage, ANY competent compassionate nurse, regardless of where they're from or what they look like, would be welcomed to work side-by-side!

Wow, that IS good advice. Especially for someone like me, perfectionist that I am, expecting to know how to do my job perfectly yesterday. I've found in the past that supervisors and co-workers are much patient with my learning curve than I am. Thanks for sharing :)